FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE
by weepingelm
Summary: Merlin runs into Captain Arthur Pendragon in a park one day and there follows a whirlwind romance. The marry just before Arthur is posted to Afghanistan . He returns a changed man will their marriage survive or will they be torn apart. Major character injury, alcoholic abuse, slash
1. Chapter 1

Merlin was running through the park he was late for his dentist appointment just because some idiot had come into the shop as he was about to close it. Why did it have to be today of all days that Mr Williams his boss had felt ill and left him to close up. He would have to pay for the appointment and then make another one and he really couldn't afford it. As he careered round the corner he ran into something very solid and nearly fell only to be held up by a pair of strong arms.

"Ha go steady there, you'll do someone a damage is there a fire or something" Merlin looked up at the face of his dreams and he'd just crashed straight into him. Merlin had always had a thing for blondes with blue eyes and this one was like a Greek god, clear strong and muscular without it being over the top and a golden tan.

Standing up Merlin smiled "Sorry mate I'm late for the dentist and I really can't afford to miss it. Look I'm really sorry but I have to run"

"That's alright but if you want to buy me a coffee as a proper apology I could be sitting here for the next hour" the blond gave him an appreciative look liking what he saw. Merlin was tall perhaps a tiny bit taller than the blonde but was totally different in all aspects in that he was very slender and had raven coloured hair and very pale skin but he too had blue eyes.

Merlin looked at him in surprise "Love to mate I shouldn't be took long" with that he started to run once more. The blonde found a bench and sat down to wait, this was clearly his lucky day.

Merlin gat to the dentist just in time and within half an hour was making his way back to the park, not really expecting the man to still be there, but as he approached the spot where he had left him he was surprised to find the blonde sitting on a bench watching the ducks in the pond. Feeling quite nervous Merlin approached, this wasn't his normal thing at all, he was shy and nervous around strangers, but he had promised the man a coffee and his mother had brought him up to keep his promises. Looking at the man Merlin couldn't believe his luck, he was gorgeous, the early evening sun was shining of his golden hair and he was wearing a red shirt and black trousers than showed of hid frame perfectly. Merlin rubbed his hands down his black shirt and trousers and wished he had taken a change of clothes to work, not that he would have had time anyway, but even so. His old fleece jacket didn't help either. But then who was he kidding this was just a coffee right, the man was probably only killing time.

Merlin walked up to the bench "Hi, do you still want that coffee?"

The blonde looked up and smiled "That was quick"

Merlin grinned showing off his teeth "Yes all fine and perfect, thank goodness"

"I'd love a coffee, there's a nice place the other side of the park, shall we go?" the man's voice was deep rich and very up market and Merlin wondered what he had got himself involved in he was clearly out of his league.

Merlin held out his hand as the man stood up "Merlin Emrys, klutz and clumsy" he said with a smile. The other man shook his hand, it was a firm and confident shake just how Merlin would have expected.

"Arthur Pendragon, pleasure to meet you, and I'm glad you ran into me or we might never have spoken. But tell me do you often run into strange men?"

"I'm clumsy and always tripping over but I've never run into anyone before, well not since I was a kid anyway" Merlin grinned.

Arthur noticed how his whole face lit up when he grinned and was pleased he had met this man, whatever the circumstances. They were soon chatting away like old friends and had soon reached the café. Arthur held the door open for Merlin and went to the counter "What would you like?" he asked.

"No it's my treat, I ran into you" Merlin replied.

"Will in that case I will have a Latte please"

Merlin ordered the latte and a black coffee for himself and they found a seat by the window overlooking the lake. They chatted until the waitress came across and told them they were shutting. As they got up to leave Arthur turned and said "I'd like to see you again Merlin"

Merlin looked surprised "You would?"

"Of course, how about the same time tomorrow? and this time I'll buy the drinks"

"I'd love to" they parted company and each went their own way both had the feeling that they would like this to turn into something more.

Merlin got home to his small bedsit with a big smile on his face. He had had very few dates in his life, he hadn't even come out until he was at college and then only in the last year. Then looking after his mother hadn't left him much time. He had had a few dates that had stretched to the second one and only one boyfriend who had lasted longer than that, but that had ended in tears when he had found his boyfriend was cheating on him, and with a girl. As soon as he had had something to eat he started to looked through his rather limited wardrobe to something to wear, this time he would change before leaving work.

This time Merlin was on time and changed, he had even had chance to have a quick wash before putting on his clean clothes, this time a blue shirt and skinny jeans. He was the first at the bench so sat and watched the birds on the lake and didn't hear Arthur come up behind him until the other man whispered in his ear "I could be an axe murderer and you wouldn't have known"

Merlin jumped and then turned round "You prat what did you do that for!"

Arthur smiled "To make up for having to catch you yesterday, not that I minded having you in my arms of course. Come on coffee time" he head out his hand and pulled Merlin off the bench. They walked hand in hand across the park. Merlin found it refreshing to be out with someone who was confident enough to do that with another man. As they got to the café Arthur once more held the door for Merlin and this time he ordered and once again they had the same thing.

This time they started to find out more about one another, Merlin told Arthur about his job and Open University course in Graphic design and how he was toping up his wages by doing freelance design work for an advertising company. He also told Arthur that his mother was dead and he had never known his father and was all alone in the world with no relations he knew of but two very good friends.

Arthur in turn told Merlin he was in the Army and had been since attending Sandhurst at eighteen, Merlin was surprised to find out that Arthur was a Captain and that his father was a Member of Parliament and his sister was a lawyer for Liberty the civil rights group. Arthur also told him he had had very little to do with his father for several years as his father hadn't approved of his choice of career having wanted him to go into politics and then when he had come out to his father, they had only recently started talking again. Arthur's half-sister Morgana was a year younger than him and had always been supportive of his choices. They found out that they were three years apart Arthur being twenty six and Merlin twenty three.

This time when they were asked to leave as it was closing time they agreed to meet up in two days on the Friday night and go to a club. The two days dragged for Merlin he had told his friends he was seeing someone and they were both excited for him and demanded to meet him and make sure he was suitable to date him. Merlin laughed and told them they would have to wait.

Arthur's best friend had also guessed that something was going on when Arthur pulled out of their Friday night met at the pub. He too wanted to meet the new man but had no more luck than Merlin's friends had. It was to new for them both and they wanted to see where it went before they introduced each other to their respective friends.

They went to a gay club were they knew their nosy friends wouldn't be, both of them were the only gay members of their groups and so there was little chance of accidently seeing their friends. They had a good night and both found themselves falling very quickly under the others spell and they ended up spending the whole weekend together seeing the sites and by the Sunday afternoon Arthur turned to Merlin.

"Merlin I like you, I like you a lot and would like to continue to see you. But I need you to understand I am an Army man through and through a career soldier and I will go away for tours of duty and if we are to continue this you have to understand that that is part of my role."

"Do you know when you will be away next?" Merlin asked

"Not at the moment, accept for some short stints on Salisbury Plain, but it will come I expect a six month tour in the next twelve months but where I can't say" Arthur looked at Merlin "It's not an easy life for partners and I understand if it's not for you but I need to let you know before we go any further as I can see me getting very attached to you"

Merlin understood what Arthur was saying and he had already thought about what it would mean "Arthur would you be surprised to hear that it's too late I'm already half in love with you. I think I would rather have you about some of the time than not at all."

Arthur gathered Merlin into his arms and kissed him "I'm glad, you know your like my other half already these past few days have been some of the best of my life. I'm so pleased you fell into my arms"


	2. Chapter 2

From that point the men spent every spare moment together. Although they had yet to take love making to the next stage. Each evening they went their separate ways after a heavy kissing session. It was three weeks before Arthur asked Merlin to spend the night with him.

"I'm sorry Arthur, I know this is going to sound daft but I promised myself I wouldn't do that before I made a permanent thing of it. My mum made that mistake and although I'm a man and can't get pregnant, I want my forever relationship to be the one that I do that with for the first time." He looked sadly at Arthur "I'm sorry"

"Don't be a respect that and I know it will be me one day. I will never force you into anything Merlin know that" Arthur kissed him once more. "But come over for a meal and spend the day with me just watching TV and relaxing. You could even stay the night in the spare bedroom"

"I'd like that, though I'm not sure about overnight." Merlin grinned at his boyfriend.

"I'll pick you up after work on Saturday, you finish at one this week don't you?" Arthur asked "I'll cook you a meal and we'll take it from there."

"Ok" Merlin was curious to see Arthur flat. "But a warning if you stay at mine ever it's the couch s I only have a bedsit"

"I'm a soldier I can sleep on the ground! And anyway anywhere you are is good enough for me" Arthur said.

Merlin was finding dating Arthur like no other dates he had ever been on. Arthur was always courteous and thoughtful, opening doors and pulling out chairs. He made Merlin feel like a million dollars, even if Merlin said he often felt like the girl in the relationship. But Merlin insisted on paying his way, even if it did mean the Arthur missed out on some of his favourite places as the prices were unacceptable to Merlin.

Sure enough at one o'clock Arthur's car pulled up outside the shop and they drove back to Arthurs. Merlin had been surprised the first time he'd gone back to Arthurs at just how big the flat was, his bedsit would fit into the bathroom. Arthur had explained it had been left to him in his mother's will. As his regiment was based in London he had decided to use it. Before that it had been rented out. Merlin went in and had a shower and changed before joining Arthur in the lounge. There was a coffee waiting for him and a sandwich.

"Eat up, I didn't do too much as I thought I would cook tonight" Arthur told him. Merlin ate and drank before the couple snuggled up on the sofa and watched a film together.

Later Arthur cooked for them and they sat and had a leisurely meal together "When did you learn to cook?" Merlin asked him

"When I moved in here, I didn't want to eat at the mess or live on takeaways so did a cookery course. I like good food" Arthur smiled "Do you cook?"

"Oh yes I learnt with my mum as a kid, I can bake as well, I don't do much now only for me but it was useful when I was looking after Mum" Merlin looked sad "It was hard finding something she would eat towards the end" he looked at Arthur "She had cancer, they found it too late, she could have gone into a hospice but I wanted to let her die in the home she had always lived in"

Arthur hugged him and waited for him to recover himself a bit. "I'm sure she was grateful Merlin and that you made it better for her"

"I tried but it was hard watcher her die like that, I nearly went into nursing afterwards but decided I couldn't face the heart break of losing people"

The sat and talked about Merlin's freelance work in advertising and his course before deciding to watch some more TV, but found they missed most of it as they kissed and petted. Merlin did stay the night in the spare bedroom but only because Arthur had been drinking and wouldn't let Merlin get the tube home and Merlin wouldn't let Arthur pay for a taxi. They went for a drive the next day and walked hand in hand down the promenade in Brighton feeding each other chips, before heading back to London.

Arthur was also very possessive, something Merlin didn't realise until he met up with some of Arthur's friends for the first time the next Friday night. They met up in a pub near the barracks and as they walked in Arthur realised they were the last there. At a table were his lieutenants Gwaine Lot and Percy Strong with Percy was his girlfriend Mithian. Also there was Morgana, Arthur's sister and his best friend Leon who were dating. Morgana looked at Merlin with interest it had been some time since her brother had introduced a boyfriend to the group. Merlin clearly matched the normal 'type' her brother went for slender and younger than him with dark hair but she couldn't help but notice that as Arthur saw them his arm tightened round Merlin's waist in a very protective manner. She arched her eyebrow and sat back to watch. If Arthur was that attached Gwaine had better take care. Although Gwaine loved the women he was known to be attracted to some men and was a flirt of the first order.

Arthur made the introductions and after getting himself and Merlin a drink sat down. There were only two seats left and Merlin ended up next to Arthur but opposite Gwaine. Gwaine immediately started to flirt, he was between girlfriends at the moment so was at a loose end.

"How did the captain manage to pick up a good looker like you?" Gwaine asked a blushing Merlin

Arthur glared at Gwaine as Merlin laughed "I fell into his arms running for to the dentist, I was late" he explained.

Gwaine looked at Arthur "Now why don't I get that luck"

As the evening progressed the dancing started and Merlin and Arthur got up and had a dance, it wasn't long before the others joined them. Gwaine having no partner and failing to pick on up as yet decide to try to get Merlin to dance with him.

"Arthur let me show gorgeous how it's done, you dance like you're on the parade ground" with that he tried to push in. Merlin smiled and was quite happy to let Gwaine have one dance but it seemed Arthur wasn't having any of it.

"Bugger off Lot and find your own date, Merlin's mine so keep your hands off" Arthur snapped "You don't get to get your wandering paws on him"

Both Merlin and Gwaine realised Arthur wasn't joking so Merlin smiled at Gwaine "Maybe not tonight another time perhaps"

Gwaine looked at his captain and arched his eyebrows and grinned "Yeh another time, keep your hair on Princess it was only a dance"

Arthur took Merlin back to their seats and Merlin looked at him "That was a bit unnecessary Arthur, it was only a dance"

"Sorry Merlin but no one touches you but me" he smiled to take the edge of, but Merlin realised that Arthur was serious. He said no more but wondered if he needed to back of a bit, he wasn't sure if he wanted that sort of control on his life.


	3. Chapter 3

For the rest of the evening there was an atmosphere and Merlin left early insisting he was getting a tube home alone. They had already arranged to meet up at Merlin's bedsit the next afternoon as Merlin was going to cook a meal for Arthur and Merlin's friends, he wanted them to meet his new boyfriend. When Arthur arrived admitted to Merlin that he had probably over reacted with Gwaine the night before but explaining that Gwaine had a reputation. It wasn't exactly an apology but was the best Merlin expected to get. He decided to drop the matter so by the time the other arrived the atmosphere had cleared.

Gwen and Lance were the first to arrive, Merlin had met Gwen in college and they had been friends ever since, Lance was a doctor and the two had married six months previously. Then Will and his girlfriend Sefa arrived. Will had known Merlin all his life and when his mother had died and his father had found it hard to cope Merlin's mother had taken Will in. It was clear Will hated anyone with money and was sarcastic and bordering on abusive with Arthur. The man clearly liked his drink and Arthur was sure he had smelt weed on the others mans breathe when he arrived, Sefa his girlfriend was clearly uncomfortable with Will's attitude to Arthur. It wasn't long after the meal was finished that Will and Sefa left. The remaining four chatted for a couple of hours before leaving. All in all the evening had gone quite well even if Will and Arthur would never be friend's.

The couple settled down and spent every weekend and at least two evenings a week together and Merlin found he was falling more and more in love with Arthur. Arthur for his part was totally smitten and tried to shower Merlin with gifts and treated him like he was very very special. And Merlin felt that way. So it was no surprise that after only dating for four months Arthur took Merlin out for a special meal they had arrived at the restaurant at seven, Arthur having told Merlin it was a suit and tie place. Once there Merlin found himself treated to the best meal he had ever eaten, then before dessert Arthur got out of his chair and got down on one knee and taking a very surprised Merlin's hands in his said:

"Merlin Emrys, I love you with all my heart, you are my other half, and would you please agree to marry me?"

Merlin sat there totally stunned and for a moment couldn't speak. Then with tears threatening "Oh Arthur, yes, oh yes please"

Arthur let go of the breath he didn't even know he had been holding and got a small box from his pocket. He took out a ring and placed it on Merlin's finger "I would have brought you a diamond but I thought that might be a bit girly."

Merlin looked at the ring it was a gold band engraved with dragons and the emblem of Arthur's regiment the Grenadier guards.

"I had the centre engraved with something I wanted to put on the outside but wasn't sure you would approve" he grinned "His man's heart belongs to Arthur Pendragon, keep off"

Merlin through back his head and laughed, it wasn't until much later when he looked that he found that hadn't been a joke and the ring had been engraved.

Once the meal was finished they went for a walk along the Thames in the moonlight. Arthur then said "I want to marry you within six months, I am being posted to Afghanistan in a year, and I want time together before I go, I know it's quick please agree"

Merlin stopped and turned towards Arthur "I will on one condition, I only want a simple wedding nothing fancy just us and our special friends." He paused "How long have you known…about the posting"

Arthur grimaced "Only a few days, I knew I had a posting coming up but not where, it's our second tour out there. But this time I will have you to come back to. It will help keep me sane"

They continued to walk and talk until well after midnight before Arthur drove Merlin back to his bedsit.

Merlin was over the moon and so excited that first thing the next morning he rang Will then went and saw Gwen. He wanted to share his news.

"Merlin I know you love him but are you sure about this?" Gwen asks her friend "You haven't known him long after all" Gwen was seriously worried about her friend. She had known Merlin since the beginning of secondary school but he had always been a cautious sort yet here he was planning on marrying a man he's only known for a few months.

Merlin looked at his friend and smiled "He's the one Gwen I know he is, we love each other and the wedding will awhile yet, well a couple of months at least. Don't do this to me, please give me your support." Gwen had always been a good friend to him. Her and his best friend Will had always been there for him, just as he had always been there for them. So why were they both so against him finding someone? He had already had this conversation with Will earlier and had to hear his best friend telling him he was making a mistake.

Merlin would be the first to admit that he wasn't normally an impetuous one. But now he knew he had found true love, and yet his friends weren't happy for him. Just because his man was a bit possessive, well he liked that, he liked the feeling of being loved that much. They wanted him to wait and make sure but he already knew. He understood part of their concern was that his boyfriend was rich and way out of their normal circle of friends. But that meant that Merlin could go ahead and write as he'd always wanted to. It wasn't that he intended to be a kept man, he was going to keep his job with the bookshop and pay towards the bills and continue with his Open University course. As to the timing well, Arthur wanted to marry before he left on tour. So Merlin had agreed and was wearing a ring on his left hand. He decided that he would do what he felt best and wasn't going to risk losing Arthur just because his friends had doubts.

Not able to convince her or get her blessing Merlin left Gwen's and raced back to his bedsit and had a shower and changed, refusing to let his friend's comments dampen his mood, he needed to be at his best for tonight he was going to meet Arthur's father, Uther Pendragon, who was Member of Parliament, for the first time.

Despite his earlier intentions Merlin started to have doubts about what Arthur father would think he hoped that he didn't consider him a gold digger after all he was hardly in the same league as Arthur, either in social status or wealth. He had be brought up in a council house by his mother, his father had disappeared before he was born. At twenty three he was hardly a success even though he had left college with six A levels and was now working hard to get his degree.

After spending ages deciding on what to wear and finally selecting a pair of linen trousers a blue shirt and tie and his best jacket he sat down deep in thought, waiting for Arthur to arrive and suddenly realised that his friends may well be right, just not for the right reasons. Not because Arthur didn't love him, he was sure of that, but that he wasn't good enough for Arthur. The doorbell rang and Merlin jumped up and grabbing his jacket opened the door. There stood leaning on the doorframe was Arthur Pendragon, blond, blue eyed and clearly very fit. He looked to Merlin like something from a fashion magazine. Why would he want a thin, lanky big eared and clumsy person like him? Merlin's doubts came crashing down and he looked at Arthur and blurted out:

"You can't want me I'm not good enough for you, your family will hate me and think I'm nothing but a gold-digger!"


	4. Chapter 4

The blond looked at Merlin and then placed his hands on Merlin's shoulders and went into the bedsit. "Merlin I don't know what that was all about but it is clearly not a conversation for the doorstep, and your neighbours" he turned Merlin round as he kicked the door closed "Now what brought all that on? Is it just nerves at meeting my father or something else?" Arthur bent down and kissed Merlin.

Merlin automatically returned the kiss and became pliant in Arthur's arms. "Because that tells me you love me" Arthur smirked. "Now what's the matter my cherub?"

Merlin looked at Arthur and his eyes filled up "I just know I'm not good enough, I'm a council house bastard with no prospects, and you need much better than me" he said honestly "This won't work I can't be your army wife!"

Arthur looked at Merlin in surprise then laughed "Merlin, you are an idiot, you really are. I don't care where you were brought up, nor that your father was stupid enough to run away from his responsibilities. As for your prospects, you're working and are a loving and caring person. If this is about my family forget it. Father hated my career choice, and when I came out, but he got over it, my sister already loves you to bits. As for being a gold digger you won't even give up your job, you're no gold digger you won't even let me pay every time we go out. As for being an army wife I can't think of anything I want less." He kissed Merlin once more his eyes twinkling. "We can miss tonight if you want but now I've got that ring on your finger we are getting married or I'll sue you for breach of contract!"

Merlin looked at Arthur "I don't think you can do that anymore, not for an engagement, and anyway I have no money for you to sue me for and the bedsit came furnished" he paused "But seriously don't you think we should wait longer, get married when you get back?"

"Merlin I will be gone for six months I want you to be mine before I go, I want to marry you and make you mine, and you know how I feel…I thought you felt the same."

Merlin sighed "I do but I don't want you to regret it, I'll wait for you but I couldn't bare it if we failed. I always wanted to have a forever relationship. I need you to be sure"

"I am sure, I have never been surer in my whole life. I would have married you a week after we met. I want you to me mine and no one else's. Please Merlin don't do this" Arthur pulled Merlin into a hug. "Now we either sit down and talk this through or get going because the one thing my father is a stickler for is being on time. Now I don't care which, so make your mind up"

"We can go, but if they hate me we wait until you come back" Merlin said as he pulled himself from his boyfriend's arms.

"You're marrying me not my family Merlin" Arthur shook his head "I don't know what brought this on, but I intend to find out. I want you to marry me and I want my honeymoon before I leave to give me something to keep me sane while I'm away."

They walked out to Arthur car a silver sports car that always made Merlin feel self-conscious, and Arthur as always opened the door for Merlin and once he was in shut it before getting in the driver's seat. Before long they were driving through the posher area of town, a part that Merlin had never been through before. He was starting to get a serious case of nerves as they pulled into a long drive and up towards a large house. As Arthur swung round the fountain outside the rather grand front door and parked up Merlin started to shake.

Arthur switched of the engine and turned to Merlin "I could hear your knees knocking over the sound of the engine. Will you calm down, you're not here to impress anyone, and you're here as my fiancé and someone I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with." He leant forward and took Merlin's face in his hands and kissed him. "Just relax I promise father won't put you in the stocks to despoiling his son"

Merlin tried to calm his nerves "I bet he has some though" he quipped.

"If they are there to put the labour voters in not you" Arthur grinned "Now come on" Arthur got out of the car and before he could open the passenger side door Merlin was out the car and stood up. Arthur placed his hand on the base of Merlin's spine as they walked up to the door.


	5. Chapter 5

They had clearly been seen arriving as the door opened before they got there a rather pompous man looked at them both "Good evening Captain Arthur"

"Good evening George, this is Mr Merlin Emrys is my father in the lounge?"

"Yes Mr Arthur, with your sister"

With that Arthur stepped in and walked passed into a room to one side taking Merlin with him as they walked passed Arthur whispered "That was George one of my father's staff"

Once in the lounge Merlin saw a rather stern looking man get up from one of the armchairs next to a roaring fire. He recognised him from the papers and television as Arthur's father. Sat in the other armchair was Morgana, she stood up and waited as Arthur introduced Merlin to his father.

"Father, may I introduce you to Merlin Emrys my fiancé" then he turned to Merlin "Merlin this is my father Uther Pendragon."

Uther put out his hand and Merlin shook it, the handshake was what he expected of a professional politician and gave away nothing, nor did the man's face, It remained impassive "Mr Emrys" was all he said by way of greeting. Morgana stepped forward and gave Merlin a kiss on both cheeks and a big smile "Hello Merlin"

Merlin blushed as Uther turned and asked Merlin "Would you like a drink before we dine"

Merlin looked at Uther "No thank you Sir I don't drink a lot"

"I'll just have a wine with my meal father, I'm driving" Arthur said as he was hugged by his sister.

"In that case we'll go through" Uther led the way into the dining room. Merlin looked round and was stunned by the opulent surroundings, the lounge had been large and very well decorated but the dining room was like something he had only seen in stately homes he had visited. There was silver on the table and several glasses at each place setting as well as what were clearly family portraits on the wall. The table could easily have sat twelve and looked like it could be extended from the size of the room.

Arthur pulled out a chair for Merlin and then took the one by his side. As Uther and Morgana sat down Arthur whispered "Just follow me with the cutlery I should have realised father would be showing off" He gave Merlin a look that said sorry.

Uther sat at the head of the table and Morgana sat opposite Arthur. She looked at Merlin and rolled her eyes and smiled. It seemed she to realise that her father was trying to test Merlin out.

"Well Arthur this engagement is rather sudden, how is it that I haven't heard you mention Mr Emrys before" Uther asked as the soup was being served by George.

"It's Merlin father, and we haven't know each other that long, but it was love at first sight, much like you and mother" Arthur replied stiffly.

"Indeed, and what is it you do …Merlin?"

Merlin looked at Arthur before answering "I work in a book shop and do some freelance writing Sir."

Arthur turned to his father "Merlin's is also doing an Open University degree"

"Why not go to a proper University and why are you doing it now?" Uther turned to Merlin.

"After college my mother fell ill and I looked after her, then after she died I sort of lost interest for a bit." Merlin did his best to not stutter his replies but the older Pendragon terrified him

"And your father, what does he do?" Uther barked, Merlin felt it was going to be a grilling and perhaps he shouldn't have come.

"I have no idea and have no wish to, he left my mother before I was born." Merlin wasn't about to be ashamed of the fact that his mother had been his own parent. She had been brilliant.

"Father I hardly think it relevant what Merlin's parents did or who they were, he's following his own path" Arthur butted in

Uther then decided to change the subject slightly "So where did you meet my son?"

Merlin smiled at the memory "In the park I was running to a dentist appointment and was late, I ran straight into Arthur and he caught me as I fell"

"A very fortunate catch" Arthur added looking at Merlin affectionately "Merlin can be a bit clumsy at times." Arthur looked at his father "And once caught I didn't intend to let him go, and the rest as they say is history"

"You love my son Mr Emrys?" Uther asked bluntly "Or is it the name and lifestyle?"

Arthur went to butt in but spotting him Uther said "No son, I want the boys answer"

Merlin looked at Uther "I love your son Mr Pendragon with all my heart, I wanted to wait until Arthur got back from his tour to get married, so he had chance to think more, but it is him that wants to marry before he goes. I would live with him anyway. If you're that worried I have offered to sign a paper to say if we break up I have nothing but he won't hear of it. I might not have much but I do have my pride. I also intend to use all my small income to pay for part of the household bills. I don't wish to be a leech or a kept man"

"Well said" Morgana clapped "Uther I think Arthur is well able to make his own mind up. They are well matched from what I can see, all I want is to make sure I get to go to the wedding"

Arthur looked across at Merlin with pride, he had stood up to his father something it had taken him a long time to do. "Are you happy father?"

"As your sister says it is your decision, as you know I would have preferred you to have married a suitable young lady but you're set against that. So I have to let you go your own way." He turned to Merlin "Make my son happy that's all I ask."

The rest of the meal was spent talking in very general topics and the couple left as soon as polite. But with Morgana getting a promise to meet up again soon.


	6. Chapter 6

Once out in the car Arthur turned to Merlin "I'm sorry about my father. But we needn't see him again before the wedding and I'm not sure he will even come"

"He's scary" Merlin commented "I hope you won't be like your dad when you get older"

"Heaven forbid! You can shoot me if I am, in fact promise me you will" Arthur squeezed Merlin's leg. "Will you spend the night at my place?" he said hopefully.

Merlin blushed once more "I will but on the usual terms, you have to wait for our wedding night before…."

"A virgin till the day, you know Merlin I do respect you for that even if it is hard" Arthur smiled "Pun unintended"

It had been a long twenty four hours for Merlin and although he was happy he was also feeling drained. He had to face Arthur's friends the next day as Arthur had invited them for drinks at his flat so he could tell them the news. Of course Morgana and Leon already knew. Arthur told Merlin he could ask his friends as well but after their reactions he wasn't sure they would come.

To Merlin's surprise all of Arthur's friends are pleased for them, there is none of the negative comments that Gwen and Will came up with. Not surprisingly Will didn't turn up but Gwen and Lance did and soon Morgana and Gwen were chatting like long lost friends. Merlin hoped that might help Gwen accept things more. It seemed Arthur was happy to go along with the idea of a small wedding although Morgana wanted to organise it and Gwen decided she would help. It was about two in the morning before the party finally broke up. Merlin went to the spare bedroom to sleep only to find Morgana and Leon had claimed it.

"You could sleep with me you know, one we are engaged, and two nothing will happen unless you want it to" a tiddly Arthur whispered in Merlin's ear. "Let me hold you all night please"

Merlin leant back into Arthur who was stood behind him "Did you plan this?" he asked.

"Might have done" Arthur whispered "Please Merlin"

Merlin relented and went with Arthur, it was the first time he had set foot in the master bedroom, having made sure before to not cross the threshold in case Arthur had got ideas he was ready to take that final step. Arthur pulled him closer and nuzzled into Merlin neck "You smell so good" he murmured. "I want to lick you all over."

"And you are drunk" Merlin told him pushing the other man onto the king size bed. Get yourself to bed Sir" he told the blonde "and sleep it off" Merlin looked round, it was another large room and had a whole row of wardrobes along one side and a large window overlooking the gardens. One of the things Merlin loved about the flat was the garden, so few flats in London had a garden space and this one had a large one. And as the flat was on the ground floor the garden was Arthurs. He did of course have someone else look after it but it did mean they could sit outside on nice days.

He turned to find Arthur looking at him and making no effort to get undressed, Merlin moved forward and started to take off Arthurs shirt "No ideas mind, but that shirt is too expensive to sleep in". Once the shirt was off Merlin pulled off the trousers and placed then on a chair in the corner. Then he pulled the silk sheets over Arthur. Then undressing down to his boxers he had a quick wash in the on suite before getting into bed.

No sooner than he was led down than Arthur's arms pulled him close and Arthur started to kiss his neck "I'm not that drunk, but it was kind of hot having you undress me" With that Arthur leaned up on one elbow and looked down at Merlin "I intend to make the most of this" he smiled "Don't worry I promised, I won't do anything you don't want." With that he started peppering Merlin with kisses moving from Merlin's neck to his collar bone and down until every exposed piece of skin had been kissed. Merlin touched Arthur's shoulders and caressed his back as Arthur moved northwards. He found the experience very erotic and yet still felt safe, he knew Arthur would honour his word.

After an hour of kissing and touching the two men curled up together and went to sleep. In the morning Arthur woke first and looked at his fiancé and felt so grateful that fate had given him such a man. He found it oddly reassuring that Merlin wanted to wait for their wedding night, it made him feel special. Arthur had had many lovers but none like Merlin, and none he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He carefully got up and had a shower and dressed before going and making some tea and waited for the others to get up. Merlin was the last up and once he had showered and dressed he went in to have breakfast with the others.

Morgana looked at the two lovebirds and grinned before asking "Why are there Merlin's clothes in the draws and wardrobes of the spare room?" she asked

Merlin blushed "Because that's where I sleep if I stay over" he said quietly

Arthur glared at his sister "Don't embarrass Merlin you harpy"

"You mean you two aren't getting your rocks off yet!" Morgana grinned "Was last night your first time?" she laughed.

Arthur turned on his sister "No we are not, last night was the first time we shared a bed to sleep together, and yes that's what I said. Unlike most people Merlin wants to wait rather than sleep around and I respect that! So drop it"

Morgana looked amazed but turned to Merlin "Sorry Merlin I didn't mean to embarrass you and I actually think that is great. Sorry we stayed and put you in that position" Merlin thought she sounded very sincere.

"That's alright it was nice the cuddle up, you probably think I'm a prude but it's important to me and Arthur is very supportive"

Arthur quickly changed the subject and nothing further was discussed until Morgana got Arthur alone later when she told her brother he was a lucky man "I'm sorry if I embarrassed Merlin but I actually think that's great, that he wants his first time to be important is a rare thing now a days" Arthur agreed.


	7. Chapter 7

It was two weeks later when Arthur was to go away for a fortnight on a training exercise on Salisbury Plane. It was the first time the two had spent any amount of time apart since they had met. Merlin felt at least he would be able to catch up on this university work that had been taking something of a hit lately. But also it would give him a taster of things to come when Arthur was away for six months. The two men tried to contact each other daily, before he left Arthur tried to get Merlin to move into the flat but he refused. The bedsit was closer to his work and he felt comfortable there.

His cupboards were full to bursting as Arthur had brought over several bags of groceries before he left saying they would go off. But Merlin was certain that many hadn't ever seen the inside of Arthur cupboards. Arthur just couldn't stop trying to spoil him. The day after he left a large bunch of flowers arrived with a huge box of chocolates with a note 'Missing you already A.'

Two days before Arthur was due back Merlin went out shopping and stocked up Arthur's fridge, he had of course been left a key to the flat. He had got lots of work done for his course even though Morgana had taken to visiting him, Merlin was sure that was at Arthur's request.

So when Will came round and asked him to go out for a drink Merlin accepted without much persuasion. It seemed Sefa was going to her sister's. The two men set off for the centre and were soon having a good time. They had been out for about two hours and had just entered their second pub, Will being chucked out of the first for lighting a cigarette, no longer allowed in public places, which he had smoked before arriving at the second pub. Merlin had been moaning at him he hated Will smoking. They had also had a few beers and Will a few more than Merlin, Will had always been a fairly heavy drinker and often relied on Merlin to keep him out of trouble while out.

They had just got their drinks in when Will started swearing, on the dance floor they could see Sefa making out with a bloke. His hands were everywhere and she was clearly enjoying it.

"The bastard! She told me she was going to her sisters, I'll kill the fucking bitch" as Will went towards Sefa Merlin grabbed his arm

"Look Will she might be here with her sister, don't go in there all guns blazing" he reasoned "It might not be like you think"

At that Sefa looked up having heard her boyfriend's voice her expression said it all, and she grabbed the man she was with and started to for side door. Will tried to shrug of Merlin, but Merlin knew what his friend was like after a few beers so tried to stop him. "Don't be daft Will he's twice your size, speak to her tomorrow once you're sober"

Will turned on Merlin "Get your fucking hands of me" and swung a punch.

Arthur had managed to get off several hours earlier than expected, and decided to go straight to Merlin's before going home to change. He noticed a couple of the neighbours having a good look then realised he had never been there in his uniform before and guested that was what they were looking at. Reaching Merlin's door he knocked and waited. Then he heard a shuffling and the door unlocking. As it opened he was annoyed in as much as he had fitted a security chain and it was clear Merlin wasn't using it.

The door opened and Merlin looked at him in surprise "What are you doing here I thought I wouldn't see you till tomorrow" Merlin was sideways on and not directly facing Arthur he walked back into the darkness as curtains were all drawn. This was so unusual that Arthur was thrown for a moment.

Arthur walked in and shut the door "Is that all the greeting I'm getting and why are you in darkness" he demanded.

"Headache" Merlin muttered

Arthur moved forward all concerned Merlin told him he got migraines sometimes, "Oh my darling is there anything I can do?" he asked put his arms round Merlin and pulled him into a hug.

As his arms tightened he felt Merlin stiffen and heard a gasp of pain. He immediately let go and turned so he was facing Merlin "What's the matter?"

"Fell over" Merlin muttered.

Arthur immediately moved and pulled the curtains back and turning back to Merlin gasped one side of his face had a large bruise on it. "What the hell" Arthur went closer and looked at Merlin's face it was swollen and he was sure that was not from falling over. Then remembering the gasp he quickly put his hands on the bottom of Merlin's t shirt and moved it up. There was a large bruise visible. "Take it off" Arthur demanded

"No leave me alone I'm ok"

"You are clearly not ok, now off with that t shirt" Arthur went to help Merlin but it was clearly very painful. Arthur went to the kitchenette and got some scissors and moved towards Merlin

"No it's my favourite" Merlin said as he understood what Arthur was going to do

"I'll buy you another" Without waiting he quickly cut up the front of the t shirt. What he saw enraged him, Merlin had several large fist sized bruises over his ribs. "Christ Merlin who did this?"

Merlin curled down and went to go to his bed. Arthur held onto his arm, determined to get to the truth.

"Fell over" came the reply

"Merlin this is not from falling over you've been hit and hard, have you seen a doctor or reported this to the police" he was now clearly very concerned.

Putting his hand up he gently looked at Merlin's face and then started to check his torso "What you doing!" Merlin demanded.

"Checking your injuries, I do know a bit of first aid Merlin" as Arthur touched Merlin ribs the other man pulled away in pain "I think you have at least one cracked rib. Now what the hell happened?" as he spoke he noticed Merlin start to shake. He moved Merlin so he was sat on his bed and wrapped the duvet round him. "Were you mugged?"

"No but if I tell you I don't want you getting mad" Merlin muttered it was clear that Arthur wouldn't give up.

"Too late I already am, now what happened" Arthur answered truthfully

"I want you to promise you won't do anything or I won't tell you!" Merlin insisted.

"Merlin!"

"I mean it" Merlin's voice had a stubborn edge to it so Arthur reluctantly agreed.

"Ok I won't do anything to whoever did this to you, now tell" Merlin was shaking even more so Arthur sat by him and gently gathered him into his arms and let him settle down and tell in his own time

"I went out with Will last night we went to a couple of pubs and had a few…..then Will saw his girlfriend with another bloke dancing, they were pretty friendly. He went mad, she told him she was going to her sisters. He was mad and had a few, I tried to stop him going after them…he saw red and he …hit me"

"Will did this to you!" Arthur couldn't believe what he was hearing "Your best friend did this to you! I'll fucking kill him" Arthur was so incensed that anyone would have hurt his gentle Merlin but for it to have been his friend.

"You promised!" Merlin said

"Were the police called?" Arthur demanded "You said this happen in a club"

"No after the bouncers stopped him I wouldn't let them, he ran off and I got a taxi home, I didn't go to hospital I don't want him getting in trouble…. It was horrible for him…. He loves her" Merlin sounded so sorry for Will that was the final straw for Arthur.

"The bastard beats you up and you're sorry for him! I don't believe you." He looked at Merlin in exasperation "Where's your phone?" he demanded

Merlin pointed to his charger point on the wall. Arthur picked up the phone and made a call "Lance its Arthur, are you free only I want you to come to Merlin's he's been beaten up and won't go to A&E" after a brief conversation Arthur put the phone down. "Now if Lance says hospital you're going if I have to carry you, is that clear"

Merlin nodded, Arthur couldn't remain mad with Merlin he looked to hurt and unhappy but as for Will….. Arthur threw his cap on the table "I need to go to the loo, Lance will be here soon." Arthur got up and went to Merlin's small bathroom. He was in there when he hear the door go, and he heard Merlin get up to answer it. He was just doing up his flies when he heard another voice. He was out of the door as fast as a flash.

When the doorbell went Merlin got up slowly, holding his ribs and answered it, expecting to find Lance "Come in Lance" he said turning to sit down without waiting.

It wasn't Lance but Will who walked in "It's me Merlin….. I'm so sorry….I don't know what.."

As he spoke Arthur came out of the bathroom and across the room and before Will had chance to do anything he had a hand round his throat, and he was forced against the wall. "You snivelling little bastard" Arthur spat out.

Merlin had never seen such a look of pure rage on Arthur face and in that moment saw the soldier rather than the man. "Arthur NO YOU PROMISED!" Merlin shouted.


	8. Chapter 8

Arthur took several deep breathes, he so wanted to beat the man to a pulp, but knew Merlin wouldn't forgive him. After a few moments Arthur slowly released Will's neck from his vice like grip but still kept the man there. He turned and looked at Merlin who was stood like a rabbit in the headlights the duvet grasped round his shoulders.

"Merlin remove the duvet let this scum see what he did to you" Arthur said gently.

Merlin did as he was asked and Will looked at the bruises on Merlin's face and chest. Arthur put his face right into Will's and snarled "Now look! Unless I'm very mistaken you cracked his ribs and Merlin hasn't even gone to hospital to get help because he didn't want scum like you to get into trouble, he must have been in agony all night and YOU RAN AWAY Like the scum you are." If looks could have killed Will would have died there and then. "If you ever come within a mile of Merlin ever again I'll forget my promise and you will be in a far worse state than him y the time I'm finished with you, you're no friend you scum" Arthur opened the door and threw Will out of the door narrowly missing Lance and Gwen.

Gwen looked at Arthur in horror, he looked like a mad man. Lance pulled her into the bedsit passed Arthur. Arthur slammed the door and took a deep breaths to calm himself before turning to Lance who was by now looking at Merlin.

"I think he has cracked ribs and he's certainly in pain." Arthur told Lance once he had calmed down.

Gwen turned on Arthur "What was that about? Will is Merlin's best friend!" all her prejudices coming to the surface.

Arthur looked at her in surprise "That friend beat up Merlin last night and ran off, just because Merlin tried to stop him doing something foolish!"

Gwen looked at Merlin in horror "No…. is that true Merlin" Merlin nodded as tears started to roll down his face as shock set in. She looked at Arthur "and you let him go?"

"I can't win can I? Merlin made me promise not to do anything, he feels sorry for him!" Arthur looked at Lance "Does he need to go to Casualty because I'll take him if he does, if you think it necessary."

Lance looked up "No I don't think so, I can write a prescription for some painkillers. He might well have cracked ribs but they're not broken, the rest is bad bruising. He could have an x-ray to be certain if he has any problems, but for the moment he needs rest and someone with him"

"He's coming with me! I haven't got to be in for four days" Arthur looked at Merlin "Is that ok love? He asked gently.

Merlin just looked at him and nodded he was clearly just too upset to make the effort to talk.

"He's got stuff at my place, if you want to take anything from his fridge that will go off." Arthur looked at Gwen then back at Lance "If you give me that script I will go to the chemist down the road and get his painkillers and then come back for him" Lance handed over the prescription

"We'll get him sorted" Gwen said giving Arthur a reassuring smile. "I'll keep an eye on the place till Merlin comes back and I'll let his work know he won't be in for a bit"

Arthur picked up his cap and walked out saying as he went "I had to cut his t shirt off so go careful what you put on him" Arthur needed the walk to calm him down, he had never come so close to losing his temper completely before. He was sure if Merlin hadn't have stopped him Will would have either been dead or in hospital. It didn't make him feel good about himself. Yes he had killed in his job but this was different Will hadn't been defending himself. But at the same time he wanted Will to suffer for what he had done. Arthur had deliberately said he wouldn't do anything knowing his men would if he told them what had happened, but should he, he needed to think this through when he had calmed down. In the meantime he would make sure Will didn't get anywhere near Merlin.


	9. Chapter 9

By the time Arthur got back to Merlin's bedsit Gwen and Lance had got Merlin ready to leave. Merlin had got Gwen to pack all his Open University books and his lap top and a few loose tops that would be easy to wear. They left with Lance promising to visit Merlin the next day and told Arthur to ring anytime if he needed to. It was so useful having Lance as a GP at Merlin's practice.

Arthur drove very carefully to his flat and blessed the fact he lived on the ground floor. At one time he had thought of selling it and getting a penthouse with good views, but the fact it had been his mothers had stopped him. In fact it had been his maternal grandparents home, in their later years. Once Merlin was inside and settled down on the sofa Arthur went and had a shower and changed out of his uniform, before going to the kitchen to make a drink for them both.

He was surprised and touched to see Merlin had made the effort to stock up for him, he had got a bottle of milk and a loaf on the way back from Wiltshire, but had intended to do a shop tomorrow and now he wouldn't need to. Taking the drinks into the lounge he was pleased to see Merlin looking less in pain.

"The pain killers working love?" he asked sitting down next to his fiancé.

"They are thank you" Merlin looked at Arthur appreciation in his eyes "You know that was the first time I've seen you in uniform"

"And did you like it, do you have a thing for men in a uniform?" Arthur joked

"I could have" Merlin replied grinning then he became more serious "Thank you Arthur for not hitting Will, it wouldn't have solved anything"

"It would have made me feel better" Arthur admitted "But seriously I don't want him near you again, I know he has been a friend for ever but I wouldn't be happy for you to be anywhere near him"

Merlin looked serious for a moment before speaking "I will though, but not for a while and not when he's been drinking, we have known each other all our lives and I know he'll be feeling so bad at the moment, he didn't intend to, you know, Will has always been a player, a bit like Gwaine without the charm, but he loved Sefa, they'd been together for ages and I think he was going to ask her to marry him"

"All the better he found out before, I'm sorry Merlin but nothing excuses what he did to you and I intend to make sure it never happens again" Arthur very gently touched the bruises on Merlin's face "I felt so sick when I saw you, I couldn't bear to see you so bruised. You know I thought about telling Percy and Gwaine where Will lived, but then you'd never forgive me would you"

Merlin looked shocked at what Arthur had admitted "No, violence breeds violence. I know you're a soldier, but I hate any sort of violence. I try not to think about your job …. But to seek revenge is no answer. Will will punish himself, I know he will, he was always my protector at school and since, Will hated me being bullied. It wouldn't have happened if he hadn't had drunk so much"

Arthur pulled Merlin gently into his arms, being very careful not to hurt him. He knew he would worry when he went to Afghanistan if Will was on the scene. So Arthur started to make plans. For the next few days Merlin was spoilt rotten, Arthur did everything for him, and when Arthur had to go out briefly he asked Morgana to come round. When he got back he was loaded down with shopping. Not only had he been to the supermarket but he had also purchased several designer brand shirts and loose tops for Merlin.

"I promised to replace the one I ruined" he told he annoyed Merlin.

"That means one item not a dozen!" Merlin rolled his eyes "You don't have to keep buying me things"

"But I want to" Arthur said sulkily. This got a snort from his sister

"Just let him Merlin he has enough money, he likes spoiling you"

"I'm not a kept man!" Merlin protested "I might be poorer than you two but I can afford to buy my own clothes" But secretly he had to admit they were far better quality than he normally bought.

"I'm going to leave you two love birds to it" and with that Morgana left the flat.

Arthur very gently gave Merlin a hug "I know you want to be independent, and I'm glad but please let me spoil you. What else is money for?" he kissed Merlin very gently careful not to hurt him.

"I know I sound ungrateful but I'm not used to it, I've always had to be so careful and so did mum, it's different when you're not used to having money. I have to plan all my purchases in advance, like going out I normally only go out twice a month" Merlin explained.

"So how have you been paying to go out so much?" Arthur asked firmly "You haven't been letting me pay your share"

"I used my payments for my freelance work, it's been quite good lately I've had a couple of jobs, that's another thing we need to cut down, maybe spend more time in" Merlin sounded defiant as if expecting an argument.

Arthur nuzzled into Merlin's neck "Umm I like that idea, but seriously let me pay when we go out, after all it's your taxes paying for my wages!"

"Oh no it's not. I don't pay tax much I don't earn enough, I'm on minimum wage you know, accept for my freelance work, and I don't have that all the time." Merlin admitted.

Arthur stood up and glared at Merlin "In that case I'm paying from now on and no arguments, you are NOT going to use your limited funds and I won't hear anymore." He looked at Merlin "That's just silly, look Merlin we will be married soon and then my money will be yours anyway." He looked at Merlin as a thought crossed his mind "Give up your grotty bedsit and move in here, that's a saving for you straight away."

"Look Arthur it may be grotty to you, but it's my home and I work hard for it. I will move in when we marry, anyway the bedsit is closer to work than this place." Merlin was angry at how Arthur was talking. He was proud of being able to cope and didn't like people talking as if he couldn't.

Realising he had put his foot in it Arthur back peddled "Well not grotty but very cramped, I have two bedrooms Merlin it just makes sense, I'm not suggesting we share beds. Unless you want to…. But it would make financial sense and most of the time I could drop you of at work. Just think about it"

Argument averted the two men made peace with each other, but it had given Arthur food for thought. The painkillers were making Merlin doozy and they spent the rest of the day curled up together on the sofa. As soon as he could Arthur spoke to Morgana. Leon was an accountant for several advertising agencies so Arthur asked her "Do you think he could get some work to go Merlin's way, if he had enough design work he could give up the shop. He's doing a degree"

"I'll ask Arthur, but don't hold out any hopes those companies hire their own people, but it's sweet of you to think of it" she smiled "I suppose you don't want Merlin to know"

"To right! He'd get all independent on me. I wish he'd give up work and concentrate on his degree but I don't think he'll agree. I just want to look after him Gana, he brings out the protective streak in me" the blond admitted.

"Go careful Arthur, it's good to be protective but Merlin won't like being cosseted too much, he's too independent for that" she warned. "He's feeling vulnerable at the moment but it won't last, he's a tough cookie underneath"

Over the next few days and after much debate, and only after getting Arthur to allow him to pay some bills, Merlin agreed to give up his bedsit. The other thing Merlin insisted on was that he would do the cleaning and cancelled the firm Arthur presently used. It made Arthur happier as he was increasing worried about Merlin being in the bedsit with the problem with Will.

So the next week end Arthur and Gwaine went with Merlin to pack his few possessions. Lance was still insisting that Merlin not do any lifting due to his ribs. As the bedsit was furnished it didn't take long, although Merlin did own a rather nice sideboard that he wanted to keep, it had been his mothers and was the only thing of hers he owed. It looked slightly incongruous in Arthur's minimalist flat but Arthur felt it was a small price to pay.

They also fixed the date for the wedding, they now had ten weeks to wait. Merlin was insisting on a small wedding and they narrowed it down to five guests on Merlin's side, Will was being invited. And nine on Arthurs. Morgana was going to organise the small reception afterwards where a few more of Arthurs regiment would be invited, but not to many as Merlin has so few people to invite Arthur told her he wouldn't have his husband to be embarrassed. Arthur had booked a honeymoon in a location he refused to disclose.

Merlin was surprised to find out that Morgana had also announced the marriage in The Times newspaper, she complained that as the engagement hadn't been announced she wanted things done properly this time.

Before the wedding, and while Merlin's face still showed signs of bruising Arthur asked Merlin to go to a regimental dinner as his partner. Merlin refused at first, until Morgana offered to conceal the bruise with makeup. He also wasn't best pleased to find out, once he had agreed that it was a black tie event so he would be expected to wear a dinner jacket. Morgana dragged him out to buy one, since Arthur informed him he would need one for future events.

Merlin thought Arthur looked very dashing in his Mess Uniform with its red jacket and when Arthur saw Merlin in his dinner jacket they nearly didn't make it to the function. Merlin was very nervous about meeting all Arthur's colleagues, and felt slightly out of place with all the army wives. Although Arthur didn't leave his side. Arthur's senior officers congratulated him on his forthcoming wedding but Merlin couldn't help but think some were less than pleased, but too afraid of being seen as prejudice in these times of equal rights for gays. He intended to ask Arthur tomorrow if he had ever had problems. It was a very formal occasion and Merlin was pleased Arthur had taken the time to explain everything to him beforehand.

Merlin was glad to get home that evening and out of his suit and it wasn't long before he was curled up in his be. Part of him was wishing he could just get into bed with Arthur and cuddle up with him, but he was determined to wait for their wedding night. In the other bedroom Arthur was also wanting Merlin and was cursing his insistence on waiting. Although he would never push the issue, he had made a promise and he would keep to it and just make do with dreams for now.

The following week they went to by Arthur's wedding ring, Merlin was going to use his engagement ring for his. He saw no reason to have two and loved the design. It didn't take them long as Arthur wanted a plain gold band. Arthur then dragged him round the shops and bought Merlin what seemed a whole new wardrobe. Merlin tried to be cross but understood that his present clothes weren't up to it for the things he would have to go to as Arthur's husband, and he didn't want to show him up. He was amazed to find that although they were invite to attend events, Arthur really didn't have a choice. Particularly if he wanted to rise further in the ranks, which he did.

Arthur admitted that there was still some homophobic reactions within the army even though it was against regulations, but also admitted he was lucky and personally hadn't had problems. As with all changes it took time to be accepted.

As their relationship lengthened Merlin was gradually getting used to Arthur spoiling him on every occasion and hardly letting him do a thing. Although he wasn't always happy about it, he accepted it, joking to Morgana that is was Arthur only character flaw together with his possessive streak that seemed to go hand in hand with generosity. Arthur seemed to have the need to feel in control and in charge, which Merlin presumed made him a good officer. Also Merlin had to admit after the episode with Will he most grateful for Arthur's presence when he went out, it had upset him far more than he was willing to tell anyone, although Lance had a good idea and tried to get him to see someone but Merlin refused.

Merlin had soon developed a close relationship with Morgana and Arthur's friends. Arthur's sister was very helpful in helping him to adjust to the change in his circumstances. He found her scaring at times but loved her anyway. Morgana for her part was pleased that Arthur had found the man who made him happy and had already noticed a change in her brother because of his relationship with Merlin.

The wedding was getting ever nearer and the replies to the invites were coming back. From Merlin's side Gwen and Lance were coming as was Elyan, Gwen's brother and his plus one. Not surprisingly Merlin hadn't heard from Will but still hoped he would come, he was after all practically Merlin's brother, but Will hadn't contacted Merlin since that afternoon. On Arthur's side he had Morgana and Leon, Percy, Gwaine and their plus ones, Arthur's Uncle Agravaine and wife Morgause, his Uncle Tristan, who was a widower and most surprisingly an acceptance from Uther. Arthur told Merlin he thought it was because as an M.P. he might get negative publicity if he didn't go. For similar reasons it seemed Arthur's superior, Colonel Bayard and his wife were also attending.

Merlin was going to spend the night before the wedding at Gwen's. Merlin and Arthur were having their stag parties on different nights so Leon, Gwaine and Percy could go to both, although Arthur wasn't keen on letting Gwaine have anything to do with organising them.

Merlin's stag do was first and Lance picked him up from Arthur's and promised to make sure he looked after Merlin and saw him home afterwards. The entire evening Arthur was on tenterhooks waiting for him to come back, worried about what his friends would get up to. They men went to a club where they danced and drank, then took Merlin to a strip joint that had both male and female strippers. Gwaine was doing his best to play pranks on Merlin all evening and it was taking both Lance and Leon to stop him going too far. Although he did pay the male stripper to perform in front of their table and got Merlin up on stage at one stage with the male strippers. Merlin lost his shirt and had grabbed the stripper's g string before Lance managed to rescue him. By the time they got back to the flat Merlin was totally drunk. Gwaine had taken pictures on his phone all evening and unbeknown to the rest had sent some to Arthur, including one of Merlin on stage with the stripper.

As Lance and Percy helped Merlin out of the cab Arthur was waiting at the door looking like thunder and demanding to know what they had been doing.

Merlin was just about conscious and looked at Arthur and grinned

"was fun….good time" he slurred and Arthur grabbed him round the waist to stop him falling over "stripper…..help im" Merlin was grinning. Completely oblivious to the mood of Arthur.

"You can tell Gwaine I'll be talking to him tomorrow" Arthur growled.

"Leave it Arthur no harm done Merlin was just blowing of steam, he just can't hold his booze" Percy said "We didn't let anything bad happen"

Gwaine shouted from the taxi "You wait for yours princess"

Arthur took Merlin inside and slammed the door. He dragged Merlin into his bedroom and put him on the bed and stripped the now almost sleeping Merlin. He made him drink some water and covered him up before getting in with him. "You're sleeping here tonight you fool, that way I'll know you're ok. Don't you dare throw up!" He blamed himself for letting his fiancé go out with seasoned drinkers. He knew his men could drink most under the table.

The next morning Arthur woke up before Merlin and put a glass of water and some tablets by the bed. Luckily Merlin has slept through the night only getting up once to go to the toilet. Arthur had helped him walk as Merlin was still very unsteady. When Merlin finally woke he had a hangover from hell and couldn't remember much. He blushed furiously when Arthur showed him the pictures on his phone.

Two nights later it was Arthur's turn, he was more used to drinking with his army buddies, although quite a few others came from the regiment and in the end Arthur ended up in a similar state to Merlin. Merlin returned the favour and looked after Arthur when he got home. Thinking it was a good job neither of them had had their stag do the night before the wedding but with a friend like Gwaine that would have been foolish.


	10. Chapter 10

The morning of the wedding, Leon, as Arthur's best man, was making sure Arthur was ready and on the registry office on time. Arthur was wearing his dress uniform. He was as nervous as he had ever felt, even on the battle front in a war situation. But with cajoling from Leon he was ready and at the registry office on time. Merlin was in an even worse state, worried that Arthur would change his mind and driving Gwen and Lance round the bend.

He had brought a dark blue suit and new pale blue shirt for the occasion and Gwen assured him he looked fantastic and Arthur would love him.

"It's not fair Arthur has his dress uniform he didn't have to make a choice, I think I should have worn a black suit and white shirt." After fussing he then looked at Lance "What if I fall over in front of everyone? Oh my god I'm going to make a fool of myself"

Lance rolled his eyes "You will be fine, now calm down or I'll give you a pill, then you won't remember what to say!"

"Have you got the ring?" Merlin fretted as they left for the registry office. Lance was Merlin's best man as Will had never got in touch. and Gwen refused to be best woman. They had worked out what would happen and Merlin and Arthur walked into the room together while Lance and Leon waited at the front.

As Merlin arrived at the registry office he saw Arthur waiting and grasped Arthur's hand and smiled up at him "You look good, I'm glad you turned up."

Arthur snorted "And why shouldn't I have Merlin? And I must say you look good enough to eat in that suit."

The simple ceremony was soon over without a hitch and they headed to the Barracks and the officers mess where the reception was being held. As soon as they could the couple escaped and left for the airport ad off to their honeymoon, Merlin still didn't know where they were going. He was surprised to find out they were headed for the Maldives for ten days. They had a wonderful time and at last Arthur and Merlin made love fully and without any hang ups. Arthur felt so special being Merlin's first lover and did his very best to make the experience as special for his new husband as it was for him.

Once back from Honeymoon they soon settled into married life, Merlin was picking up more freelance work, not from Leon, but from word of mouth, news was getting out about Merlin's work. So he gave up his job in the shop much to Arthur's relief. The spare bedroom was now an office for Merlin for both his work and his degree. As he was working from home he soon found he was doing all the cooking and cleaning and was busy making plans for their first Christmas together.

Arthur came home one day to find a tree up in the lounge and decorations all over the flat, even the garden had solar fairy lights over the bushes. Not only that, but Merlin had been making gingerbread and a Christmas cake. It was the first time the flat had been decorated for Christmas since Arthur had moved in. Arthur hugged his husband and helped up the last few decorations up and marvelled at the change in his life since Merlin had entered it. Merlin had lots of memories of Christmas at home with his mother and had lots of family traditions he wanted to continue. Whereas Arthur's memories of Christmas were far different, with very pristine decorations and time spent with his father and their housekeeper. It seemed they had missed out on a lot of the love that had permeated Merlin's childhood home.

Arthur laughed as Merlin put homemade edible decorations on the tree, but at the same time it warmed his heart. The blond couldn't get enough of Merlin in his life, and they sent several weekends with Merlin dragging Arthur round the shops to buy presents for their friends, something Arthur had never really bothered with before. He would go into an off licence and get a decent bottle of scotch for each of his friends and give money to his sister. But this year they would all get carefully chosen items wrapped with care and love. That left Arthur with a problem what to buy Merlin?

He watched as they went round the shops hoping for a clue, but Merlin was more concerned with other people. Arthur wanted to buy something special and spent several hours one day when he managed to get of work early going round the shops. He couldn't help but think straight blokes had it easy a nice bit of jewellery and they were sorted. He bought a watch but he just couldn't find what he really wanted. But kept looking.

Merlin found what he wanted for Arthur as they were shopping together and went back when his husband was at work and bought it. He had found a pair of gold cufflinks in the shape of a dragon with ruby eyes. What better for someone with the name Pendragon. That and a bottle of Remy Martins Brandy and he was sorted.

On Christmas Eve they had all their friends round for drinks and a buffet. Merlin had been baking and cooking all day and everyone was impressed. Christmas was going to be just them and they had a lazy and romantic dinner and watched TV together.

Boxing Day meant going to Uther's with Morgana and Leon for a meal. It was faultlessly cooked, by Uther's cook but the day was tense and not really enjoyable. Much like all the Christmases Arthur could remember as a child. It was broken only by Morgana telling her father she and Leon had got engaged. She told her father that it would be in the Times the next day so it didn't really matter whether he approved or not. But at least it took the flack of Arthur and Merlin.


	11. Chapter 11

Once the holiday period was over Arthur went back to work and one day when he got home he sat Merlin down before telling him "We were told of our posting today, we are going abroad for a six month tour at the end of March"

Merlin looked at Arthur he knew it was coming but he also realised Arthur hadn't told him where "So where are you going?"

"Afghanistan, Helmond Province, we've been there before so we know what to expect, they hope we will be one of the last groups to go out" Arthur looked at Merlin and saw the colour drain from his face ""Look love I'm a soldier, you knew that. I'll be fine we all will"

With those last few words Merlin realised he would also be losing Gwaine and Percy as well. "Like you say it's your job … will you be able to keep in touch?" Merlin was trying hard to be sensible, but all he could think of was the pictures and stories he heard on the news.

"Of course it's better now what with the internet and mobiles." He gave Merlin a hug "The time will soon fly love but I want to make the most of our time before I go"

True to his word Arthur spent every spare moment with Merlin and also took lots of photos on his mobile. "I need those to look at on the long nights without you" Arthur told him.

So Merlin also started to take as many as he could, for much the same reason. It hit Merlin hard, he had always known Arthur would be posted, but until it happened it hadn't really sunk in that Arthur could be killed or hurt. For some reason he hadn't even thought of Gwaine and Percy being away at the same time. That did comfort him though, as he realised they would look after each other. When the day came Arthur wouldn't let Merlin go and see him leave but instead they said their goodbyes in the flat. Once Arthur had left Merlin went back to bed and cried.

Arthur had clearly asked Morgana and Leon to keep an eye on him and they did. Morgana had decided to wait for her wedding until her brother was back at the end of September. As it was to be a big affair she had a lot of planning to do and involved Merlin as much as she could. He was to design the invitations among other things.

Arthur was wrong about one thing the six months dragged for Merlin even with the phone calls and skype. He stopped watching the news, to scared to know what was happening. Whenever there was a knock on the door his heart stopped in case it was bad news. For Arthur it was easier in as much as they were very busy and he was used to army life. His photos of Merlin were looked at least twice a day and he carried a photo of them both on their wedding day in his pocket for good luck.

Five and a half months into the tour and Merlin began to plan for Arthur's return. He intended to have a party for the boys and was organising things and baking and putting stuff in the freezer. They had a garden and he was going to make use of it and have a big barbeque. Merlin was sat in waiting for a barbeque to be delivered and ran to the door when the bell rang. He opened the door "Thank you can you carry it into the…" he stopped it wasn't the delivery but two men in Army uniform. Merlin's heart missed a beat and his eyes filled. "No…..No" he cried as the room began to spin.

"Mr Merlin Emrys Pendragon?" One of the men asked

Merlin nodded not wanting to listen to what was to come next "Can we come in please" Merlin opened the door then turned "Is he …"

"Captain Pendragon is alive Sir, but he has been seriously injured. He will be flown back home as soon as he is stable"

Merlin took a deep breath "He's alive" he tried to concentrate on that anything else they could cope with.

The next hour went by in a daze. One of the men called Morgana and she came over and they sat and cried together. The army personal couldn't give Merlin much detail but said that Arthur's actions had saved several of his men, but an anti-personnel mine exploded. Merlin was given a contact number and a name of his contact within the Defence Medical Welfare Service. They were also able to tell him that Gwaine and Percy were not among the injured.

The next week was a blur for Merlin and it was a week before Arthur was repatriated to the United Kingdom. He was being taken to a civilian hospital and the army arranged for Merlin, Morgana and Leon to be driven up to see him with a welfare officer. Uther was going by other means, he had contacted Morgana but not Merlin about his son. But Merlin hadn't even noticed he was to numb with worry and fear.


	12. Chapter 12

Note

Although I am fully aware of the types of injuries and treatments the soldiers received in Afghanistan, having looked after and spoken at length to many of them, I am less sure of the Army welfare systems. So I apologise for any inaccuracies in the story.

….

When the explosion happened Arthur was awake for a short time and after looking round to see if his men were alright he started to take note of his own injuries, he knew they were bad. His team has gone into action quickly and pulled the tourniquets he already had in place on his upper thighs. They had started wearing them on missions as a safety measure knowing that the earlier they were applied the better and most injuries were to the lower limbs. As shock began to take hold he thought of his husband turning to the man at his side he muttered "Make sure Merlin knows I love him and that they don't frighten him when they tell him" with that he passed out.

Arthur was flown by helicopter back to Fort Bastion and he was taken to surgery straight away. He would be repatriated as soon as he was stable enough. That night they allowed Gwaine and Percy to visit but Arthur was unaware they were even there. They both realised that their friend was badly injured and their thoughts immediately went to Merlin. They vowed to go and see him as soon as they get back. They would also try to contact him if they could once he was aware of what had happened. The evening they each wrote a letter and asked that it go back with Arthur and be given to their friend.

When Merlin and Morgana arrived at the hospital doctor came and spoke to them. Arthur had several life changing injuries, he had lost both legs, one below knee and one above knee, some abdominal injuries and had also lost two fingers of his left hand. The body armour and specialist shielding had prevented further injury, Merlin nearly passed out as they were told. Morgana burst into tears. All Merlin could think of, was how would Arthur cope with such injuries, he was a proud man who loved his job. Merlin knew he would have to be strong as Arthur would need all the support he could get in the coming months and maybe years. But he was alive, and for that Merlin was grateful even if Arthur himself might not feel that way to start with.

Merlin and Morgana were then allowed in to see Arthur, he was in a single room and not really conscious, due to the levels of painkillers he was having. He looked so pale lying there covered in a white sheet. Tubes and drains hanging of the bed and drips in his arm. Merlin carefully lent forward and kissed Arthur's cheek and stroked his hand being careful of the venflon taking fluids into his system. He felt Morgana's hand on his shoulder and looked round at his sister in law, then let her take his place so she could touch her brother. It was if the act of touching him allowed them to finally realise he was alive.

A nurse brought them two chairs and they sat and looked at Arthur not able to speak to each other. As Merlin continued to rub his thumb across the back of Arthur's right hand the sensation finally register with Arthur and he slowly opened his eyes slightly. Cleary having problems focusing he looked at Merlin and frowned. Merlin noticing the eye movement gave Arthur a weak smile

"Hello Love, It's us, Merlin and Morgana"

Arthur frowned then tried to speak "mer.."

"Yes that's right love I'm here"

Morgana stood up and move closer and smiled "Hi brother" he voice caught in the back of her throat. Arthur managed a very weak smile and closed his eyes.

They sat with him for sometime before the nurse told them that Uther had arrived, and as it was two at a bedside at a time could he please see his son. The couple left and Uther came in with Leon.

Morgana looked at her father, he looked like he's aged ten years. "We'll wait out here father, Leon can go in with you"

Uther nodded to his daughter and walked past in silence, not acknowledging Merlin at all. But in truth Merlin didn't even notice his father in laws actions. Merlin was still to numb and trying to come to terms with Arthur's injuries.

Merlin spent every day at Arthur's beside and held his hand and spoke to him, telling him all that he had been up to while Arthur had been away. Just talking about anything and everything. The nurses had suggested it so he did as he was asked they felt it would help Arthur to feel safe and make him realise he was back in the UK. As Arthur became more aware and his wounds began to heal he started to understand exactly what had happened to him. Arthur then became withdrawn and morose. He was moved in a small ward with other soldiers all of whom had similar injuries and slowly began to accept what had happened to him. Still Merlin would visit every day and spend as long as he was able at his husbands beside. Arthur was visited by Gwaine and Percy as well as several other members of his brigade as well as the other officers.

Once Arthur realised the extent of his injuries he started to wonder how the future would pan out. As he listened to the others in the room he realised that not everyone coped well. One of the men had already been dumped by his girlfriend because she couldn't cope with what had happened to him. He had been back longer than Arthur but even so. He had also overheard a conversation between two visitors, when the person they were visiting had gone to the toilet, where they were sympathising about what the person's partner would have to put up with. It got him thinking about Merlin. Was it fair to expect his husband of a few months to be tied to him now? OK he would get artificial legs but he was no longer the man he was. Arthur had looked on himself as the major breadwinner of their relationship and had been looking forward to caring for Merlin but now Merlin would be the carer. In the mood he was in during these early stages these thoughts were having a negative effect on Arthur.

Merlin noticed that Arthur seemed in a better mood with other soldiers than with him. He allowed Gwen and Morgana to drag him away sometimes acknowledging that he needed a break, and that Arthur also needed time alone. Gwaine and Percy kept in touch with Merlin and supported him the best they could. Merlin was working with the medical team and the army to make sure Arthur had everything he needed. He was also looking ahead and making plans for the flat. He had never been so pleased it was on the ground floor. All their friends were surprised at just how positive and strong Merlin was once he had got over the initial shock.

His relationship with Arthur however wasn't as good. Merlin continued to visit every day, staying locally, yet he felt Arthur seemed to be pushing him away, and try as he might Merlin was finding that difficult. Arthur would laugh and joke with his friends but not with Merlin. But Merlin didn't let it get to him. He remembered his mother's old saying "You always hurt the one you love" and figured that Arthur needed someone to vent his frustrations on.

Arthur had come to his own decision during this time. He could see how tired and withdraw Merlin was, he wouldn't listen when Arthur told him to go home and get a break. Arthur didn't want to see Merlin so upset, yes he was trying to hide it from Arthur but the blonde was no fool. He was quickly coming to the conclusion it would be better for Merlin to make a clean break and find someone else who could look after him as he deserved. But he knew Merlin wouldn't leave him.

Meanwhile Merlin decided after talking to Morgana and Gwaine to have a week at home and allow things to settle. He had also been taking to the army counsellors who also thought that might be a good idea. So he went back to the flat and started to make the changes he thought might make Arthurs life easier when he was discharged, he asked fro on of the occupational therapists to come out to assess the place.

By the time he went back to the hospital Arthur was fit enough to be transferred to Headley Court, the army's rehabilitation centre. Merlin travelled with him and was allowed to stay in accommodation there for a while but knew he would be going home more often as the rehab process was long and intensive. But he would still visit every weekend and ring every night. Sometimes Arthur refused to speak to him but he persevered. At least Arthur was now in the process of being fitted with artificial legs. The army family service was supporting Merlin and explained that Arthur would take time to adjust. But so far Uther was still keeping his distance they had yet to speak, Merlin wasn't too worried about that he was more concerned about his relationship with Arthur.

Merlin knew that part of Arthur's treatment was help to cope physiologically with his changed body image. Merlin had also been told that everyone reacted differently but it would take time. It seemed Arthur was doing brilliantly physically and he was also reacting well with his fellow patients that made it almost worse for Merlin and made hi wonder if it was something he was doing wrong. He was reassured it wasn't but he needed to be patient.

Morgana told Merlin that Uther was finding it difficult to come to terms with what had happened, so Merlin tried to initiate contact hoping he could help but in the end gave up. One weekend Merlin went to see Arthur as he had been told that Arthur could come home for a few days between treatments. He was now using prosthetic legs for short periods, but needed to go back to hospital for some more work on the hand. Merlin arrived and walked in to see Arthur to find he was glared at the moment he walked in.

"What are you doing here?" Arthur demanded.

Merlin walked up and tried to kiss Arthur's cheek but Arthur moved away.

"I was asked to, to speak with you and the doctors about you coming home for a while"

"I've told them no, look Merlin I have enough to deal with without your clinging concern, just go home and leave me to get on. I can't be doing with trying to look after you now!" Arthur looked really angry.

"You don't need to look after me, I'm trying to support you Arthur, I love you and want you home"

"That's what I mean.. its all about what you want isn't it? Well I don't want to go home. I'm ok here with my friends they understand what I'm going through and help me! But you just … you're too clingy, to needy. Merlin I don't need that now just go home" Arthur hated what he was doing but knew in his heart it was the best for Merlin. The counsellors he was seeing had tried to get him to open up more to Merlin about his fears but Arthur didn't want to put that pressure on Merlin. After all he knew him better than they did.

Merlin looked at Arthur stunned he had done everything he had been asked to do. He was trying to help Arthur adjust. Seeing Merlin's expression Arthur took a deep breath.

"Look Merlin I'm sorry, but things have changed, before I loved looking after you and being you protector but I can't do that now. Please go home and give me space. I have a hard road ahead and I need to concentrate on that and not you"

Merlin walked out and caught the train home. He phoned the army families officer and spoke to him, he told Merlin he would have a word with the hospital and get back to Merlin. That night as he had done so many times before he cried himself to sleep. He could have coped with anything with Arthur but this growing coldness was breaking his heart.

When the counsellor rang back he said that Arthur was making good progress, and it had been decided Arthur should go home for a full week and give them time away from the hospital. Merlin was overjoyed but nervous. He immediately started to sort things out in the flat getting in Arthur favourite meals and drinks. Perhaps this was what they needed time alone.

Then Merlin drove with Morgana to pick Arthur up. Merlin was pleased to see Arthur looking happy to be coming home. He had a wheelchair but was allowed up for short periods on his prosthesis. Morgana stayed for long enough to make sure they were ok then left saying she would call in during the week and to phone if they needed anything.

As soon as she was gone Arthur suggested they sleep in separate beds "Only I don't want you to kick my stumps in the night" he told Merlin. Merlin was disappointed but understood.

"You have the main room then, the beds better I'll move into the spare." Merlin told him. "After all you're used to the main."

Merlin then went into the kitchen and started to cook their meal. They sat down together and ate in silence, whenever Merlin tried to speak Arthur ignored him. Then Arthur sat in the wheelchair as they watched television. Merlin had hoped to cuddle up together on the sofa but decided that he would leave it and hope he could get closer the next day, once Arthur got used to being home.

At ten o'clock Arthur said he was going to bed, Merlin asked what help he needed if any "I'm not stupid Merlin I can get myself to bed!" he snarled

"That's good, I only asked." Merlin went up and went to kiss Arthur goodnight. But was hurt as Arthur turned his head and Merlin kissed his cheek instead of his mouth. But again he left it, thinking it would take time for Arthur to relax back at home. They had all week and he didn't want an argument the first day back.


	13. Chapter 13

Merlin spent a miserable night in the spare bed room and he decided to talk to Arthur in the morning, he wanted his husband back, he knew things had changed he wasn't stupid and the counselling sessions they had had, and all the advice Merlin had been given, had prepared him for some changes but Arthur was so cold and Merlin loved him and knew that with time Arthur would recover well and cope with the changes in his life, he was that sort of person.

Once they were both up and had eaten breakfast Merlin decided now was his chance.

"Arthur can we talk please?" he looked at his husband

Arthur felt his insides tighten this was just what he didn't want to do but he could think of no good reason to refuse. "If you want to"

"Only I've noticed that we aren't talking that much and I don't know what to do to fix it. I want you to know that I love you and want to help anyway I can. I know that together we can get through this"

Arthur looked at Merlin's concerned expression and knew he would have to be very careful "No we're not, I don't know what to say to you anymore Merlin, I'm not the same man that went away, it's not just all this" he gestured to his legs or rather absence of them" I don't think you can help" he tried to sound bored he didn't want to let Merlin know how he was hurting inside. "Look just let me be for now, I have lots to think about"

"But Arthur, I want to help you, I don't care that you feel you can't look after me, I was on my own before we met I can manage, but I want for us to be together. When I heard you were injured all I remember thinking was that we would get through this together, you have to let me help you. I want to hold you for Christ sake I want to kiss you" Merlin had tears in his eyes.

Arthur looked at Merlin knowing if he gave in now he would be lost, there was nothing more he wanted than to hold Merlin but it wasn't fair and he wouldn't "You can't help me Merlin, this is something I need to get through myself." Then in an instant of cruelty he continued "A hug and a kiss can't cure this Merlin, wake up to the real world I have" with that he wheeled himself into the bedroom and shut the door.

Merlin bit back the tears and took some deep breaths then he went outside and walked for a bit, he was in the park when he met up with Gwaine. "What you doing out here Merl" the brunette asked "Fed up with the Princess already?"

Merlin turned and fled up the path, by Gwaine soon caught up with him and grabbed his shoulder. "Hey buddy what's wrong?"

Merlin looked down at the ground "Nothing"

"That's clearly a lie, now come on a coffee and tell uncle Gwaine all about it" Gwaine took Merlin's arm and led him to a small coffee shop. After getting in the drinks he sat with Merlin at a corner table. "Come on spit it out"

"I can't do this Gwaine, he's shutting me out and I don't know what to do, he won't kiss me or hold me, he won't even hardly talk to me. I know he's been through a lot but so have I. I just want to help him" Merlin looked down into his coffee.

"Sorry mate…I didn't know, oh I realised things were strained sometimes but then it would be, and when he's with us he's ok, almost the old Arthur. Have you spoken to anyone?"

"Yes it doesn't help, I thought having him home would help, but were in separate bedrooms and he won't talk to me" Merlin looked up "He's alive and I'm so very grateful but I want to help him, but I can't if he won't let me in"

"Look drink you're drink and go on back, I'll pop round later, don't worry I won't tell him we've talked, you'll get there you both love each other enough. Just give it time, and call me if you need to talk" he looked at Merlin "Promise me"

"Thank you Gwaine, I'm being silly but I will" he took a deep breath and drank his drink "I'm an idiot"

"No you're not, you're concerned about your husband and you have every right."

As the week progressed it didn't get better, try as he could Merlin couldn't get Arthur to talk to him. Arthur had phoned Gwaine and Percy and they had come round and had a great afternoon watching football and laughing, Gwaine asked Merlin if things were any better but they weren't, during the visit Arthur even spoke to Merlin enough so that it looked like things were normal but the minute they had gone silence descended. When the army welfare people visited Arthur was just like his old self and smiled and told them they were getting on fine. When Merlin tried to say that Arthur had been quiet and distant Arthur laughed it off.

Merlin was heartbroken, but when Morgana and the others were so pleased with how Arthur was doing he kept quiet, perhaps it was his fault. He continued all week to try to get close to Arthur offering to take him out and happy to cook when Arthur invited people round, but as soon as the visitors went the shutters came down. By the end of the week Merlin was at his wits end. He had even gone out of the house and called the counsellors asking what he could do. They suggested they give Arthur time to adapt.

Merlin spoke to Gwaine a couple of times and he offered to talk to Arthur but Merlin asked him not to. Once Arthur went back the situation continued to deteriorate between the men, even with counselling and when Merlin found out that Arthur was going to stay with his father, for a fortnight, instead of coming home it came to a head. Merlin went to see Arthur and asked what Arthur wanted him to do, he wanted to repair whatever was broken. Merlin was stunned by the response.

"I'm sorry Merlin, I really am but can't do it anymore, I think we need to split up. I've thought about this a lot and I can't live with you anymore. I'm a different person. Look I'll help you financially but I'm filing for a divorce"

"Why! What have I done, I've tried to support you, and I've done everything you've asked. Please Arthur.. don't do this" Merlin asked brokenly

"That's what I mean Merlin….I can't do it. I'm sorry, look you can stay in the flat until it's sorted and I'll make sure you have enough funds to set you up somewhere. It shouldn't be too difficult to get a quickie divorce, we've been married for over a year."

Merlin turned and walked out, he couldn't believe what he had just been told. He loved Arthur with all his heart. They hadn't celebrated their first wedding anniversary as Arthur had been too ill, so Merlin hadn't even thought about it and now Arthur wanted a divorce. He contacted the counsellors who were sympathetic but said that Arthur had spoken to them and had made his mind up. They said they would continue to support Merlin and offer what help they could but there was little else they could do as Arthur had refused relationship counselling.

Their friends knew there was trouble between the two, and supported both men, but neither man told them of the real extent. Morgana found out that Arthur was staying with his father she demanded to know why. Merlin told her they were having work done at the flat. Morgana was busy with all the last minute preparations for her delayed wedding so took his word for it. Then at the wedding the couple stood together so not to upset anyone, Arthur having permission to use his prosthesis for the wedding. The honeymoon stopped anymore questions. Gwen was pregnant and supported Merlin but Merlin didn't want to upset her. Gwaine and Percy had gone on an exercise to Canada so it was easy to keep it all under wraps.

Although the counsellors had tried to get Arthur to delay to give him time to think things through once he had got over the trauma of his injuries he declined saying it was pointless to drag things out. With a week of Arthur telling Merlin what he wanted, Merlin received a letter from a solicitor. He found his own and filled out the forms, he couldn't fight this, much as he wanted to. If this was what Arthur wanted Merlin would go with it. He felt Arthur was going through a tough time and didn't need him to make it worse. Soon the forms went back and forth and everything was completed. All they had to wait for now was the paperwork to go through.

Once Merlin was satisfied that he had done everything he needed to do. He came to a discussion of his own, he needed to get away for a while. The whole thing had stunned him more than he could say. Arthur had offered a very generous settlement, which Merlin had agreed to, just to get the paperwork through. So having made his discussion he sat and wrote four letters and then went shopping. Coming back to the flat he packed his new backpack. Then next morning he locked up the flat went and posted his letters, recorded delivery and walked towards the train station, stopping at the bank. Once he had been to the bank, he walked over the Thames took his phone out of his pocket and threw it into the water.


	14. Chapter 14

The next day Merlin's letters were delivered. Gwen was the first to open hers she read it three times before she went to the phone.

My Dearest Gwen,

Arthur and I are divorcing the paperwork is all but finished, Sorry not to have told you before but you have your own life. It seems Arthur no longer loves me and needs me out of his life so he can concentrate on getting better, I don't blame him. I have decided it's best if I go away for a while. I have no idea for how long. Don't worry I'm not going to do anything silly. I just need to think. Please stay friends with Arthur he will need all the help he can get. I love you like a sister and always will. Hope your baby is as beautiful as you, and look after yourself and Lance.

All my love Merlin.

By the time Gwen had rung Morgana Arthur's sister had also opened her letter. In it she found a key and a letter

Dear Morgana,

This is the key to Arthur's flat, can you return it to him. We are divorcing please don't be cross with him he has enough on his plate at the moment, I suppose we married to soon that's all. He is a good man and will need your support, Thank you for being my friend, especially since we heard of Arthur's injuries. I'm sorry I didn't warn you but I wasn't going to spoil your wedding you had waited long enough as it was.

I have put all the things I didn't take with me in the sideboard and have asked Arthur to store it for me. I've cleared the fridge out and cleaned through.

Look after him for me.

Love Merlin

As Morgana picked up the phone and listened to what Gwen was saying to her Morgana was shocked to the core. How had this happened without them knowing? She arranged to pick up Gwen, then they were going to see Arthur. On the way she stopped at the flat and as Merlin has said she found it all cleaned and the fridge emptied. The whole thing left Morgana with a feeling of dreed, none of this should have happened, she couldn't understand it she knew both men loved the other with a passion she had rarely seen yet it had all fallen apart without her knowing.

Before Arthur had his visitors he too had a letter. He recognised the handwriting and nearly didn't open it. He hated what he was doing to Merlin. But knew in his heart it was the best thing. Merlin deserved to be happy and have someone who could care for him. And Arthur felt he wasn't that man anymore. He loved Merlin too much to tie him down, but knew unless he was harsh Merlin wouldn't accept it. The week at home had been hard. All he had really wanted to do was take Merlin into his arms and hug him, but he wanted Merlin to be able to walk away without regrets. That's why he had gone to his fathers the next time. He knew Merlin needed the space to get over him and move on.

The counsellors had tried to get him to change his mind, but he'd seen it in the past with other soldiers who had come back injured. He'd seen several break up when it just didn't work out. Ok those with families seemed to do well the kids helping to hold then together. But even in rehab two of the blokes in the same ward had found out their girlfriends had found someone else since they'd been injured. He knew Merlin would never do that to him. Instead he would feel duty bound to stick it out, He didn't want that for Merlin, he deserved the best. Arthur slowly opened the letter and read it a tear rolling down his face as the finality of it all sank in.

My Dearest Arthur,

Just to let you know I have decided to go away for a while, I won't do anything silly but I need sometime alone so don't worry about me concentrate on getting yourself in a good place. To say I was shocked by your wish for a divorce is an understatement I married you for life, or so I thought. But I have done all your solicitors have asked. I will not fight this. I will love you until the day I die. You are a fine man, the best I have ever known and you will go far and do well, I have every faith in you. You will get over your injuries, I know you will, you are a strong man. Have no regrets you gave me some fantastic times. My one and only regret is it didn't last as I was just not good enough, I reached for the moon and fell with a bang.

I love you with every cell in my body, so please look after yourself for me.

I never meant to be clingy or needy and I'm sorry I wasn't the person you wanted. I hope you find someone who can make you happy as I clearly cannot.

All my love forever,

Merlin

Ps can you please keep Mums sideboard safe for me. It all I have of her.

It was two hours later when two angry women arrived to confront Arthur. They found him staring out of the window clutching his letter. He had clearly been crying.

Morgana took one look at him and asked "What the hell have you done Arthur Pendragon!"

Arthur looked at the two women "What I had to, I set him free" he handed them the letter "I wanted the best for him, he needed more than a half a man. I love him so much, I did what I thought best I drove him away so he can find someone else, someone worthy of him" he looked from Morgana to Gwen "I had to, better now than later." Arthur looked at the two women "I regret hurting him more than anything, better if I had died. He's the best man I have ever met, but it had to be done for his sake"

Morgana looked at Arthur then slapped him hard across the face "You bastard, how could you, he loved you so much, he was just so happy you came home. You selfish self-centred bastard, making out you did it for him. You did it for yourself so you didn't have to make the effort to rebuild your lives together. You're worse that Uther! And that's something I never thought I would say. If it wasn't for him asking me to look after you I would walk out now and never come back"

Arthur looked at his sister with incredulity "No that's not it at all. I did it to set him free, so he can find someone who can look after him in the way he deserves and not be dragged down by me"

Gwen looked at Arthur and said quietly "I thought you weren't good enough for Merlin when you met, I told him to take longer before marrying you, but he thought the world of you. You're a fool Merlin won't love again, you were the love of his life. He told me you were his soulmate, that one person to life for. He would have done anything for you…..and he has, he's gone not because he wanted to, but because you told him to." Gwen's face showed how sincere she was "He won't let himself love again no one will get close enough, you have condemned him to a lonely life."

Gwen looked at Morgana "I'll wait outside" with that she walked out

"She's right you know, he would have done anything for you. You my brother, are a fool, I hope you don't live to regret it, and mores to the point I hope Merlin doesn't" she shook her head "Why the hell didn't you talk to us first? He wouldn't have done, he was too damn loyal to you, he probably thinks it was something he did, that he's wasn't good enough."

Arthur looked at his sister trying to understand what and where he had gone wrong, he was already beginning to wonder if they were right. "I did it for him, I love him and always will but he deserves better"

"You should have talked to him, asked him what he wanted instead of assuming you knew best, he wasn't one of your soldiers, he was your husband!" then with a moment of clarity she looked at him "That's what this was about wasn't it, you living and your men dying? Don't you think you deserve happiness is that it? If that's it you've made Merlin suffer for your insecurities. I'll leave you to think, when you have ring me" with that Morgana walked out.

The forth letter was being opened in a solicitors office later that day by Merlin's divorce solicitor.

Dear Mr Brigs

I have gone away and will ring you periodically but am no longer contactable. When all this is cleared and through, return all moneys to Mr Arthur Pendragon as I no longer have any bank account and don't want it. Enclosed is a cheque for the last of my own money please take from it what is owed and would you be as kind as to send the remainder to Gwen De Luc for her unborn child from its Uncle Merlin, address enclosed, I am in sound mind and have no intention of doing anything so don't worry I will ring your office to check when the divorce is complete.

Thank you for all you help

Mr Merlin Emrys Pendragon.

It took Arthur a couple of weeks to admit he might have made a mistake, once he had, he tried to find out where Merlin had gone. The solicitor informed him he had no idea and if he did he wouldn't tell him. The police weren't interested Merlin was an adult and had left letters making it clear he didn't want to be traced and had not suggesting he wanted to harm himself, and anyway Arthur no longer had any rights as an ex-husband.

With Merlin's phone no longer in service Arthur couldn't even leave a message. Arthur paid and adverts put in newspapers with photos. The army also tried to help as much as they could.

Arthur's rehab went well, as Arthur wanted to be able to walk so he could look for Merlin, although he was under no illusion that getting the raven haired man back would be easy. After Arthur had left Headily Court he moved back to the flat that seemed so empty without Merlin, he considered moving but decided to stay so if Merlin tried to contact him it would be easier. He continued to spend every moment trying to find Merlin. Arthur using a private investigator even traced Will to see if he had any idea where he could have gone to. He was continuing to have counselling and was beginning to see why he had taken the actions he had, his sister hadn't been far of the mark, in that it was tied into losing his men.

He became depressed and morose and blamed himself for what had happened. When Gwaine and Percy came back, they to tried to find Merlin, once they had stopped shouting at Arthur. Gwaine also blamed himself as he of all of them had known the two men were having difficulties.

As the weeks passed Arthur became more worried especially when he received the cheque from the solicitor, who had in fact not heard from Merlin at all. The money was supposed to have helped Merlin make a new life for himself. Arthur had tried to stop the divorce but as it was a no fault process he couldn't, it had gone too far. As the weeks turned into months, and the months turned into a year and still no sign Arthur became more and more resigned to never seeing Merlin again. Arthur had been discharged and was slowly getting his life in some sort of order but he refused to go out in case Merlin rang.

Even after a year he was still having counselling he had accepted his injuries, he could cope with them. He was even beginning to cope with the guilt of surviving when his men didn't, it was the Merlin sized whole in his life he couldn't cope with and the guilt of what he had done to the sweet, kind man that had been his husband. His legs were nothing compared to losing Merlin, even his fingers, which he had found harder to cope without, were a minor irritation in the scheme of things. His men had known the risks and he knew deep in his heart there was nothing he could have done differently. Even the counsellors had told him that what happened with Merlin it was all part of his coping mechanism at the time. Gwen did as asked and kept in contact with Arthur and cried when she received a cheque for over five hundred pounds for the baby.

Arthur had been awarded the Conspicuous Gallantry Cross, for his actions in Afghanistan, and received his medal from the Queen but he would have been happier to have found Merlin. Arthur started work for a Missing Persons Charity hoping he could help others in a similar situation. He continued to try to trace Merlin but one year turned to two, then three. He didn't date or even look at another man, he just wanted back what he had thrown away. His relationship with this father had all but disappeared when Uther had praised him on his divorce, and hadn't understood why afterwards Arthur was so upset. He had lost his wedding ring along with his finger and had at the time thought it symbolic of what he needed to do, now he regretted it's lose as he no longer had that symbol of his marriage.

Every week he lovingly waxed Merlin's sideboard and once a month washed all the clothes stored there so they would be fresh if needed. Every night and morning, without fail, Arthur kissed the photo of Merlin by his bed. He carried a photo in his wallet at all times. If he did go for a walk it was to the park where they had first met and he would go for a coffee in the same café.

Will to was finding it difficult to cope, he had never forgiven himself for what he had done to his best friend and the closest thing he had ever had to a brother. As the anniversary of Merlin's mother's death, and his foster mothers, approached Will decided to go to her grave, to lay a wreath, he too had looked everywhere for Merlin and feared the worse. He had spent several holidays around where they grew up looking for Merlin to no avail. Will had driven up to the cemetery and as he went up to the grave he spotted someone already standing there. He hung back in some tree, if it was Merlin he didn't want to scare him away. The height was right and the person was slender but very scruffy. He took a photo with his phone and when the figure left he followed. The person got on a bus and Will followed in his car. Far better to find out where he was based, than surprise him in the open where he could just disappear. When Merlin got off the bus Will watched to see where he was going before getting out his phone, heart pounding he rang Arthur.

Arthur was at home when he received a phone call from Will, the two had kept in contact since Merlin's disappearance, having something in common at last. Will wanted to blame Arthur but knew that if he hadn't messed up his own relationship with Merlin he might have been able to help him when he needed someone. When Arthur got the call he immediately agreed to meet Will as soon as he could, Will would watch but not approach until Arthur got there. Will sent Arthur the picture he had taken and he agreed it could be Merlin. It was a hundred and ten mile trip. Luckily as it happened Gwaine was on leave and agreed to drive Arthur, who felt that although he had an automatic car, he was in no fit state to drive. The brunette had been deeply affected by Merlin's disappearance and was only too willing to take his old Captain to see if it was indeed Merlin.

After realising what he had done to his almost brother, Will had pulled his act together and no longer drank and had tried to be the person he thought Merlin and Hunith would have wanted him to be. As he waited for Arthur to arrive he thought back over all the good times he had had with Merlin and how they had clung together when Hunith had died.

It was a long drive and as Gwaine and Arthur pulled up in a siding at the side of a road next to Wills car. Will came and poked his head through the window. "He went into the scrap yard down the road and he hasn't come out since. I'm sure it's him, who else would have put flowers on Hunith's grave. If it is him he's let his hair grow and he was real scruffy. I kept away, figure it would be best to wait for you"

Arthur and Gwaine looked anxious and Will wasn't feeling much better. They had all wanted this moment for so long. They all prayed it wasn't a false alarm. "Thank you Will, come on then let's go and see" Arthur said as he got out of the car.


	15. Chapter 15

The three of them walked to the entrance to the scrap yard. It was surrounded by a high fence at the front and they could see the cars and other scrap piled high everywhere. To the front was a house, almost surrounded by scrap. As they went through the gates a man in his thirties approached them, he was clearly one of the workers. He looked at the three newcomers and frowned, two of them at a push could be customers, but the other was far too smartly dressed.

"Hi, what can I do for you?" he asked.

Arthur spoke first "I'm sorry to bother you but we are looking for this man and believe he may be here" Arthur handed a hard copy of the photo that Will had taken earlier. As the man glanced at hi his eyes hardened.

"Who are you?" he demanded

"We think he might be a friend of ours who went missing several years ago." Arthur told him "We just want to talk to him that's all"

The man looked at the three of them then shouted over his shoulder "Jim fetch Dad for me will you?"

Another man came out from behind a pile of scrap and walked to the house. A few minutes later he came out with an older man in his sixties who Arthur assumed was the owner. The first man turned to the newcomer "Dad these men are here to see Bill, they say they're his friends." From his tone he clearly didn't believe them.

The older man who had had his hand held out for Arthur to shake, withdrew it and scowled at the three of them. "What makes you think that?" he demanded.

Arthur showed him the photo, "Will spotted him up at a cemetery in the next village, at our friends mother's grave and contacted us, he looks like a friend of ours who went missing three years ago, we have been searching ever since. Can we speak to him please?"

By now the owner and the other two workers were staring hard faced at Arthur, Gwaine and Will. Then the owner seemed to come to a decision. He turned a whispered something to one of the men then looked at Arthur as if weighing him up "Come with me"

They followed George into the house and into a lounge. The place was light and airy and not at all what Arthur and the others had expected from the outside. George sat in a chair and gestured to the sofa running along a wall. "My name by the way is George Black, sit down" he told them. Arthur looked at him

"Look Sir we've come a long way and are worried about our friend can we please see him."

"No, not yet now sit down I need to talk to you first" he clearly wasn't going to say any more until they did. "Look you don't even get near Bill unless I say so, the two lads you saw are my sons and there's two more outside and six cousins on their way. Now I wouldn't mind guessing that two of you are either army or ex-army but you wouldn't stand a chance. My lads are dirty fighters and all see Bill as a brother, he's like a son to me so I want to hear your story before anything happens"

Arthur heard Gwaine and Will grumble behind him but he could see that George was serious "It's nice to know he has someone, look it's a long story"

"So I have all day and you say you've been looking for three years, sit and talk" George looked at Gwaine "Boy I guess you're a hard nut and a good rough house fighter but it's not worth it….sit"

Gwaine grinned "Yeh I guess, but I'm not leaving until I've seen him if I have to take you all on"

George smiled for the first time "Let's wait for the story"

Arthur and the others sat down. Then Arthur said "I guess a good start is our names I'm Arthur Pendragon, this is Gwaine and Will who is Merlin's foster brother." Arthur had been dealing with men all his life and he noticed a flash of recognition flash in George's eyes as he said his name and for the first time felt real hope they had found Merlin.

"I'll start by saying we hope the man you call Bill is Merlin Emrys Pendragon my ex-husband" he paused "I'm not proud of what I'm going to tell you but I'll be honest. I was married to Merlin and we were very happy, I was in the army, as you guessed, and got posted to Afghanistan and while there was injured." Arthur stopped as he tried to control his emotions. "When I came back I lost it a bit, couldn't cope with my injuries, I got it into my head that Merlin would be better off without me. So I pushed him away, said some pretty horrid things to him. I loved him so much I didn't want him to be stuck me. So before I was discharged from Headly Court I told him I was divorcing him. I arranged him to have a good settlement and he didn't argue, he just said he want what was best for me. Looking back I was a right bastard to him and all he'd ever given me was love and happiness"

George butted in "Someone doesn't run and hide from everyone because of a divorce"

"No, but I was cruel I told him I couldn't cope with his clinging ways and needy ness, that wasn't true Merlin was nothing but supportive he wanted the best for me even if it made him unhappy, I broke his heart. Merlin had had a disagreement with Will his best friend before we got married, and wasn't in touch with him, his other friend was pregnant, he wouldn't have bothered her. My sister who would normally have picked up on what was happening was in the process of getting married, she had delayed it when I was hurt and the rest were on manoeuvres. Merlin always put everyone before himself he was to kind that way." Arthur paused to collect himself.

"Merlin's mother was dead and he didn't know his father, so he was isolated. Anyway once the paperwork was done he up and left, leaving notes saying he wasn't going to do anything stupid but he need to get away." Arthur got his note from his wallet and handed it to George "I got that and after a week realised I had cocked up big time. I was so wrapped up in me I hadn't thought it through. Merlin had been by my side almost all the time since I came back and I couldn't see." Arthur swallowed back the tears "I started to look for him and it's taken us this long to get any sort of clue"

George looked at Will "So what did you do?" he asked bluntly "Because so far I'm not convinced"

Will looked truly ashamed "Something I will never be able to undo, even if I Iive forever" Will went on to tell George exactly what happened "and I haven't seen him since, I even kept away from his wedding, even though he wrote and begged me to come."

"and you?" George asked Gwaine "I suppose you were a bastard as well"

"Merlin is one of my best mates, if Arthur hadn't have got there first I could have loved him completely, and I suppose I wasn't there for him, I didn't make enough of an effort to make sure he was coping when Arthur was in hospital." The brunette said honestly. "He told me they were having problems and I didn't do enough. We were all finding it hard to cope. I suppose we were used to Merlin coping well with life"

George looked at them all and gave them a sad look and shook his head. "What a bunch of tossers, you really don't deserve to find your friend." He looked at Arthur "So if it is him what are you planning to do?"

Arthur looked George straight in the eye "If he'll let me I want to marry him again, and spend the rest of my days trying to make it up to him. If not I will do whatever he asks, but try to make sure he never needs for anything. Even if that means keeping away, although that will break my heart."

George took a deep breath and spoke once more. "My turn to tell a story I think" he took a deep breath "Before I start I'll say I'm sure my Bill and your Merlin are the same person, but you're not seeing him yet, in fact I'm not sure you should ever see him. I came across Bill three years ago while walking my old dog, she's dead now bless her. I saw what I thought was a load of rubbish under a hedge, we get a lot of townies dumping around here and everyone blames us for it. Anyway I planned on going back for it. Next day I took a couple of sacks with me but the rubbish was gone. Then I saw it further up and realised it was someone sleeping rough. It was the beginning of winter and cold and frosty. I remember feeling sorry for the poor blighter." He paused and was clearly thinking back.

"The next morning I took a bacon butty and a cup of tea with me and went to give it to person, when I got there I was surprised, for a start he was young, early to mid-twenties but it was his eyes, I have never seen such hopelessness and despair in one so young before. I had to force him to take the food and drink but he wouldn't move or talk. So I took two of the boys up with me and they carried him back to here. He fought but he was too weak to do much, my boys as you've seen are strong lads. I think he had been roughing it for some time before I found him"

George looked out of the window "Anyway he wouldn't go indoors so we put him in the office, an old container, we took of his coat and put the heater on. And let him sleep. One of the lads had an old bed at home and we got it here and put him on it. Over the next few days we fed him and got him to drink but he wouldn't talk." George looked at the three men to see they were all fighting back tears.

"Now I don't know how badly you were injured and it's none of my business, but I do know that Bill is damaged and I don't know how to fix him, he won't even see a doctor. Whereas you don't look so bad." George said bluntly as he looked at Arthur.

Gwaine growled "You have no right to say that"

"Well I can see his hand and I expect there's more, but you haven't seen Bill! I think he's come of far worse, if he is your friend that is. There's worse than physical injuries" George's tone was harsh.

Gwaine was incensed "Arthur nearly died saving his men, he lost both his legs damn it, as well as half a hand"

"Gwaine! That will do" Arthur was annoyed with his friend for sharing such information, it wouldn't help.

George looked at Gwaine unrepentant "I'm sorry for that, but to be blunt you can do without them, Bill has lost all hope and joy and that breaks a man" George said "and I'm not sure he can be fixed." He paused "Back to my story ….. A week later we found Bill cleaning up some of the mess around the yard. When I tried to stop him he spoke for the first time telling me he owed me and he would work, he wasn't a scrounger. He wouldn't tell me his name so I started calling him Bill and it stuck. He would never tell us anything, in fact to his day I don't think I've heard more than a few words at a time from him. Bill refused point blank to move into the house, so between us we gradually fitted out the container for him. It's not much but it's better than a hedge. He continued to do bits around the place and we gave him some meals and a bit of cash. I wanted to employ him properly but he refused. I think he was frightened to give me his National Insurance number, or perhaps he didn't know it. It was clear to us he was hiding from someone or thing. It could have been the law but he caused us no bother. You have to remember we gypsy families have got used to prejudice and dislike we hold nothing against anyone who does us no harm, it was clear he wouldn't hurt a fly."

George got up and made a pot of tea and poured one out for them all, just telling the story was emotionally draining, and he couldn't wonder but what the friends were thinking. But then if it was their friend they deserved it.

"He never told us anything and I figured we are all entitled to our secrets. Once he was stronger he started to disappear once a week, but he came back always with a bottle of cheap whiskey and he'd drink the lot, same day. I was going to get one of the boys to follow him but it didn't seem right. We all thought once winter was over he'd go, but to our surprise he stayed, but by now we all wanted him to stay, he was like family and he clearly needed someone. The next winter he got poorly, but wouldn't let me get a doctor, said he would go if I tried. I asked his name again. I told him I wanted to know who to contact if he didn't make it." George's breathe hitched at the thought. Then he looked at Arthur "He said if he did he had a ring round his neck that would tell me what I needed to know" George paused waiting for Arthur's reaction.

Arthur looked at George and this time a tear did fall. "His wedding ring it's on the inner ring it's inscribed 'This man's heart belongs to Arthur Pendragon, keep off'"

At that George's eyebrows shot up, but he didn't comment, but Will did "You always were a possessive sod Pendragon"

George than continued "He came back from his travels one day with a kitten, half dead it was, he nursed it back to life and he's still got it. He looks after it better than himself, but that isn't saying much. Bill still doesn't care about himself, others yes, but he has no real will to live. We wondered at the cats name but it makes sense now" he looked at Arthur and grinned "He has two names for it Dragon, short for Pendragon I suppose, and Prat when it misbehaves, and that sure makes sense"

Gwaine laughed "You got it in one, he used to call the Princess that" Gwaine looked at Arthur and George guessed Princess was the blondes nickname.

"I think that's all that keeps him going, that cat" George sounded sad.

Arthur got his wallet out and gave George the picture he always carried of Merlin, taken just after they got married. Merlin had his signature dorky grin and looked so happy. "That's Merlin"

George looked at it in surprise "I wouldn't have recognised him! You did one hell of a job on him Pendragon, and I'm not sure I should let you see him. Oh and don't think you can force it, me and mine will stop you and don't think we won't, Bill is family now and unlike you we look after our own. I'd like to see him with that smile"

Arthur looked so ashamed that George relented "I will take you to him but only one of you, I don't want him overwhelmed, and he's a damaged young man. If he doesn't want to see you he doesn't, is that clear."

The three men nodded Will looked up at Arthur "He hasn't seen me since I beat him up so I'll keep out."

"You go mate" Gwaine said looking at Arthur. "Just be honest with him"

Arthur stood up he was both excited and very apprehensive, after all why would Merlin want to see him. George told the other to follow "Wait outside then you can see him if he wants."


	16. Chapter 16

As they went outside they weren't surprised to see several men standing around and glaring at them as they came out of the door. George smiled at them "I'm taking them to see Bill, hang around" the threat was there even if it was unsaid.

George took the men to the back of the premises where there was a container in amongst the scrap, telling Gwaine and Will to wait, he and Arthur walked closer. It was muddy and Arthur's shoes and trousers were getting plastered but he didn't even notice. George went in first and signalled Arthur to wait.

"Bill are you ok?" George enquired as he went in.

"Fine" the voice was familiar to Arthur but sounded dead and devoid of emotion it was also slurred.

"You drunk boy?" George asked kindly.

"s good" Arthur heard George walk forward.

"No it's not good, oh Bill you're in a pickle, come here and sit up you've got a visitor" Arthur could hear the kindness and compassion in Georges voice and realised just what he owed the man.

"Na…no one knows" it was clear that if it was Merlin he was plastered.

George came to the door and waved Arthur in "Look Bill, it's a friend of yours, if you don't want to see him he will go. I promise"

As Arthur's eyes adjusted to the dim light he could see a figure sat on the edge of a single bed. He was dressed in several layers of dirty clothes and had long hair and a straggly beard. The figure had a small ginger cat sitting by his side. There was a smell of body odour and cheap whisky in the air. Arthur stepped forward carefully, not wanting to lose his balance, he was well used to his prosthesis by now but there was all sorts all over the floor.

As Arthur spoke his voice broke. "Hello love, it's been a long time….."

Merlin's head shot up and he looked at Arthur and tried to focus thought his drunken haze. "What v I been drinkin" he slurred to George

"Your usual poison Bill, I told you you've got a visitor, do you know who it is?" George asked him kindly.

"Please no! stop it… can't be e hates me ….I'm worthless" Merlin started to cry in his drunken state, the sight of Arthur too much for him to believe.

Arthur took the last few steps forward and sat on the bed next to Merlin and cupped the other man's face in his hands he looked into the familiar cerulean eyes now dimmed with drink and sadness "No Merlin you're not worthless, I was a fool, I love you so much, I should have never have hurt you" by now tears were running down Arthur's face, he had found his Merlin!

Merlin looked up at Arthur and seemed to realise that he was really there in front of him. "I'm sor.." he too started to cry "I'm no good" he looked down at the bottle in his hand and threw it at the wall. Looking at George Merlin laughed hysterically "No more…..seeing things earing im, crazy bill"

"No Merlin it's me, Arthur, I'm here, I've came to take you home, if you'll come" Arthur took Merlin by the shoulder and drew him into a hug "Come home with me, darling please" he pleaded Arthur kissed the top of Merlin's head not caring that it was filthy, not even noticing.

Merlin pulled away and started to cry "Go away, Arfur wouldn't come for me he hates me…go away….dreaming, goin mad"

At this George stepped in "Come on leave him, come and see him when he's sobered up, all you're doing now is upsetting him" he told Arthur "Go to your mates and come back tomorrow, I'll stay here with him"

Arthur looked at Merlin and leaned forward and gave Merlin a kiss on the cheek "You're alive and I've found you!" he looked at George "You're right that's what I'll do, please don't let him leave. If he doesn't want to see me ok, just keep him safe"

George looked at Arthur a new respect in his eyes "I will, like I say he's family"

Arthur left Merlin's small home and walked back to the others "It's Merlin but he's so drunk he won't believe I'm here. You can go back home if you like I'm going to find somewhere to stay and come back tomorrow"

Neither Gwaine nor Will commented on Arthur's tear streaked face but instead both instantly said "We're staying."

The men asked for the nearest place to stay and left and went to their cars. None of them knew what to do or say, the travel lodge they were staying at was bland and faceless like so many of their type, but they didn't really notice. They had found Merlin, but so far only Arthur had seen him and that hadn't gone well. They had all expected to be home with Merlin by now and yet they didn't even know if he would agree to leave with them, or even see them. It was a long night and next morning none of them fancied breakfast. George had told them not to go back until midday, to give Merlin time to come round from his drinking session.

That was something else they hadn't expected, for Merlin to have become a drinker. He was only ever a social drinker, except for his stag night, and disapproved of excess alcohol, especially after the episode with Will. Had he changed that much? As they sat and watched the hours tick by they tried to work out what to do for the best. Arthur suggested Gwaine see Merlin this morning but the other two felt Arthur should continue.

Both Gwen and Morgana had been pleased to hear they had found Merlin and Gwen had wanted to come, but with Lance working she had no one to look after their daughter. But she insisted they ring as soon as they knew what was going to happen. Finally it was eleven thirty so they checked out and drove to the scrap yard, this time driving their cars straight in. They were greeted by the same man as the day before, who told them to wait in their cars as George had just gone to see Bill.

George came round the corner and bent down and looked in Gwaine's car. "He wants to speak to you Gwaine, alone"

Gwaine looked at Arthur and got out of the car and followed George. He walked into Merlin's little home and sat on the bed next to his friend and hugged him "It's good to see you Merl. You have no idea how good"

Merlin looked at Gwaine his eyes showing his confusion and pain "Arthur?"

"He's out in the car, you know the moment he got your letter he started to look for you, and he hasn't stopped. He does love you a hell of a lot, even if he was a total dickhead" Gwaine looked at Merlin "But a beard and long hair doesn't suit you, hides those cheekbones" Gwaine said fondly.

Merlin just starred at the wall for a few minutes before saying in a quiet and broken voice "He broke me Gwaine, I tried so hard and he threw it in my face. I couldn't bare it, I would have topped myself but before Mum died she made me promise to live a full life. I can't do that but I'm alive" he paused before asking "Why? Why did he do that to me?" he looked at Gwaine blankly not crying but his heart sounded broken.

Gwaine took a deep breath, fighting back his own tears, and then he placed his arm round Merlin's shoulders "He was all screwed up, he thought he wasn't good enough for you, that you deserved someone better, he loved you, and he never stopped. But he got lost, it wasn't easy Merlin, he felt guilty about the men that died out there and for leaving us when he was flown home. It wasn't so much his injuries, I know that doesn't make sense to you…he wants a second chance Merl we all do, we all let you down, didn't see what was happening"

"When he told me about the divorce it was like a light going out" Merlin sounded lost. At that moment Merlin's cat came in for his breakfast and meowed. Merlin stood up and picked him up and absently mindedly stroked it "This is Dragon, kept me going, gave me a reason to be here. George and the other have helped but without Dragon….."

Merlin went to a bag and put some food out for the cat. But it seemed Dragon sensed Merlin's mood and jumped on his lap as he sat back down. Merlin just sat there saying nothing stroking his cat.

"Merlin see Arthur talk to him, it's breaking his heart you know" Gwaine said "I know he broke yours but he's truly sorry.

"He broke me" came the very quiet reply "I haven't got much, but they love me here, I drink, don't talk, I'm dirty and unsocial but they accept me. I don't need to think. I can just be, and I can talk to mum"

"What would your mum want Merlin?" Gwaine asked gently, he couldn't believe how low his friend had sunk.

"Mum wanted me happy, but I don't know if I can be. I was, but not again" Merlin's voice was dead and almost devoid of emotion, he sounded beaten. It broke Gwaine's heart just to hear him.

"Do you want us to leave you here? Go away is that it? Because Arthur will if that's what you want. But you can't stay like this Merlin you need to get help"

"I'm not Merlin anymore, I don't know who he is. I'm Bill the drunken tramp."

"Merlin's a fighter, a lover, a kind man who would help anyone. Independent and good. We all grow up and change Merlin. But you're still all those things, look at Dragon and your new family, come back with us Merlin, if it doesn't work out I'll bring you back I promise. Hell if it does I'll bring you back to say hello. These people love you that must tell you something about yourself. Can I get Arthur? "

Merlin looked at Gwaine "He's just feeling guilty, don't want pity"

"Yes Merlin he's feeling guilty we all are, but he loves you, he hasn't looked at anyone else. He works hard helping other people find missing loved ones but pity? No it's not pity he just wants the chance to repair some of the damage he caused, to show you how much he loves you, but if not that to make sure you're ok, if that's what you want." Gwaine ruffled Merlin's hair "Just don't tell him what I said he'll call me a sap" Gwaine stood up "I'm going to get him, unless you tell me not to." Gwaine walked slowly to the door. "Come home Merlin, Please come home"

Gwaine walked to the car, clearly shaken, and looked at Arthur "Go and talk to him"

Arthur got out of the car he walked round to the container his heart beating hard in his chest, would Merlin agree to come home? Or had he lost him forever? He walked into the container to find Merlin hugging a bundle of ginger fur. Carefully sitting down he waited for Merlin to speak, knowing deep down it had to be what Merlin wanted, and all of this was about Merlin and not him.

They sat in silence for five minutes before Merlin spoke, still looking at the bundle in his arms. "can't live with you" Arthur kept silent, even though it was like a knife in his ribs, he waited for Merlin to continue "How's Gwen?"

"She's good, so is Lance, they have a daughter Megan. She wanted to come but couldn't. She said you could stay with them if you wanted. I've still got your sideboard, I keep it polished"

"You or your cleaner?" came the reply that at least had a hint of Merlin

"Me, I don't have a cleaner. Will you come back with us?"

Merlin sighed "Why?"

Arthur took a deep breath "Because we all miss you, because you need to get better, you have left a hole in everyone's lives Merlin not only mine. I won't lie to you, I want you back, I want to prove I'm worthy of your love, but most importantly this isn't you, you look so ill and thin so lost. I want to put right the …..damage I've caused you"

Merlin looked at Arthur his face unreadable "If I do and I decide not to stay, you have to let me leave and not follow. I also want to visit, they may not be your sort but they're family "

"Merlin I will bring you whenever you want, I owe them a debt that can never be repaid, and if you decide to come back permanently, well you're a free man. All I ask is you give me a chance."

Merlin stood up and walked out, carrying his cat. Arthur followed silently. Merlin walked into the house leaving Arthur outside, and went up to George "If I go, can I come back if I want? I won't go otherwise. I haven't said this but I love you all" tears were now running down his face "You saved me"

George was almost in tears himself as he replied "Yes you can anytime, but indoors eh? You're like a son to me boy, but you need to go back and sort out your ghosts. Me and the boys will be here anytime for you, there's something about you, there always was right from when I found you. But promise me something"

Merlin looked at George "Anything"

"Don't give in to him to easy, he loves you I know, but he needs to earn your love back. And keep in touch"

"Ok, I will" Merlin gave a very weak smile

"You'll need a box for the cat" George went and got a cat carrier and gave it to him. "Oh and here's a list of all our phone numbers and a phone. If you need anything ring, and if you want picking up one of us can be there in a couple of hours. I want the address so ring when you get there. Are you staying with Pendragon?"

Merlin shook his head "No"

"Good, I'd offer you a shower and a razor but I think you should get going" George hugged Merlin and Merlin returned the hug. "Your man showed me a photo of you, come and show me that face one day."

"I'll try" Merlin was clearly fighting himself over what to do.

"I know it's hard Bill, but I also know you're a fighter, you've just been having a rest. Here" George handed him an envelope "Your owed wages I don't want you relying on him for everything. Oh and I want you mums name and I'll see she get flowers ever week I think she's got used to them"

Merlin started to cry in earnest at that and managed to gasp out "Hunith Emrys, thank you"

"I know you'll make it now, you've needed those tears for a long time, and you're on your way back boy. You've talked more in the last few minutes than you ever have. Now go on with you or you'll have me bawling" George gave him a hug, "Bye lad and call me"

"I will" Merlin walked out his cat in its new cage.


	17. Chapter 17

As Merlin walked past all of George's sons and cousins he hugged each one. Then he walked up to Will's car and looked in but said nothing. Merlin then got into the back of Gwaine's car and put the basket in and turned to Gwaine "I'm dirty"

Gwaine laughed "Merlin it can be cleaned, get in"

Arthur was in the back but Merlin kept the cat basket between him and Arthur as a barrier. "Gwen's is it Merlin?" Gwaine asked. Merlin nodded but said nothing, he seemed uncomfortable with Arthur being there.

Merlin got in the car and as he did one of Georges sons leaned into the open window "Look after him, or by god we'll come and sort you all out, I know the story and you're lucky, me and the boys wanted to stop you, but it's Bill's decision, remember he has a new family now … cut one and we all bleed." He looked at Merlin "Bye Bill and remember you're our younger brother now" he stood back after glaring at Arthur and Gwaine.

As the car started to move out of the scrap yard Merlin waved to his temporary family as they drove off, then he closed his eyes, it was clear he didn't want to speak. Merlin seemed to sleep most of the way, Gwaine kept the heater on but the stale body odour from Merlin, and his dirty clothing that had clearly not had much attention, soon permeated the car. But neither of the other men commented. They were just so pleased to have him back. They realised it was a sign of just how far Merlin had sunk, and knew his new family hadn't been able to do anything about it. The old Merlin and new one shared stubbornness.

Arthur texted Gwen and warned her. She was ecstatic at the thought of him staying with them and said Lance would be home when they get there so could check Merlin out. She also promised to let Morgana and Percy know the good news. As Gwaine pulled up outside Gwen's Lance came out and took the cat and smiled at Merlin, taking him indoors. Arthur and Gwaine spoke to Lance and briefly updated him and promised to visit in the morning before leaving. Will had driven straight home, but he to intended to visit the next day.

Once Merlin was indoors Lance made him have a shower and put all his clothes in a black bag. They would be thrown. Merlin grabbed them and removed a photo from one of the pockets and the money and phone George had given him. Then Lance had shaved of Merlin's straggly and knotted beard to reveal a much thinner face than he remembered, but at least it looked more like Merlin, if you didn't look at the eyes. Gwen had been round to Arthurs and had collected some of Merlin's clothes that he had left behind, and Merlin was soon in a t shirt and sleeping trousers although they hung on him where he had lost so much weight. Then Lance took him in the spare bedroom and checked him over.

"Merlin you've got yourself in a state, Gwen will feed you up but you need to take it careful. At least you've kept yourself fairly fit although your breathing is poor I'll get you something for that but I will also arrange an x ray and no arguing, and in the morning I'll take some blood and I want a urine sample" he looked at Merlin "I think you also need to speak to someone.. a counsellor"

"No, don't need one" Merlin said stubbornly

"I'm sorry Merlin you do, even without talking to you I can see you have been depressed from sometime, I also know about the alcohol, George rang me he was worried and got Gwen's number from Arthur. We'll talk in the morning but now food and bed"

Gwen had a large bowl of homemade soup and bread waiting for him and a milky drink. Dragon was fed with the cat food Merlin had brought with him. Once Merlin had eaten everything Gwen hugged him. "It's so good to see you, we'll talk in the morning go and rest, if you need anything just call out"

"Thank you Gwen and you Lance, you're true friends and sorry I just left you"

"You had your reasons Merlin, now bed and in the morning you can meet our daughter." Gwen smiled.

After he had gone to bed, taking his cat with him, the couple sat and talked about the changes in their friend, they had been shocked when they had seen him, even though Arthur had warned them. It was heart breaking to see. Lance put the bag of clothes outside.

"He might want to check the pockets then I'll bin them. He might object wearing his old clothes from Arthur's, if he does we'll get him some new ones. I wonder if he will ever be able to find enough peace to allow Arthur into his life again, or even if he should" Lance told his wife.

"I hope they do get together, but I know what you mean Arthur was stupid, but he did have his own problems" Gwen as always was trying to see both sides "If not he has us"

Before Lance left for work he took a blood sample from Merlin and made the young man give him a urine sample and promised to let him know the results as soon as he could. Gwen made Merlin some breakfast then sat Merlin down and cut his long hair into the style he had had before. Then she introduced Merlin to her daughter Megan who would soon be three. She was a sweetheart who Merlin took an instant shine to and sat and played with her. Even Dragon deemed to like her, which came as a surprise since the cat had had nothing to do with children before.

"Merlin I haven't thanked you for the money you gave Megan when you left, although it might have been better for you to use it for yourself" Gwen told her friend.

"No I wanted her to have it. I knew I wouldn't be here to spoil her and I wanted to, you are my best friend" Merlin looked at Gwen thoughtfully, He was silent for some time but continued to play with Megan then he suddenly asked "What happened between Will and Arthur?"

Gwen grinned "After you left Arthur asked me to phone Will, to see if he knew where you might have gone. It seemed the shock of what he'd done to you had made Will change, he doesn't drink anymore for one thing. Will promised to let me know if he found out anything. After about a year they stopped using me as a go between and started talking, you being gone drew them together. You know Arthur's working for a missing person's charity?" she asked looking at Merlin as she mentioned Arthur.

"can't be with him" Merlin sounded depressed

"You can stay here Merlin, until you get straight what you want to do. Don't be frightened to talk to us. We won't tell anyone, we're here for you" Gwen picked up her daughter "Now I need to go to the shop, are you coming? We need to get some more food for your cat and a litter tray and I need some milk and bread" she smiled "When we get back you need to check through your clothes before they go in the bin!"

"What!"

"Oh come on Merlin, they can't be cleaned they will fall to pieces, and if we tried they would mess up my machine. I'm sorry but they are filthy and stink did you ever wash them?"

Merlin looked ashamed and shook his head, then very quietly said "No, I let things go, couldn't care less"

"Oh Merlin, I'm sorry, but we will help you, us and Megan" Gwen had noticed that with the cat and child Merlin seemed happier and less tense, perhaps that was the way to get him to open up.

That afternoon Arthur arrived to see Merlin, but Merlin went into his room and wouldn't come out. Arthur spent some time talking to Gwen and making sure Merlin had everything he needed. He tried to give Gwen some money "Look Arthur, there's no need he has been my friend for years we're doing this for him not you, we are sorting out some sick benefit for him, please don't make the mistake of trying to buy him. Give him time and space, he came back after all, but he needs to get well."

"I don't want to buy him Gwen but I owe him his settlement if nothing else. Look when Lance has had time to investigate Merlin's health can you let me know" Arthur asked.

"Again no, I'm sorry Arthur but that's patient doctor confidentiality you should know better!" Gwen was shocked

"He's my husband Gwen" Arthur said hoping to get something from Gwen.

"Arthur you divorced him, that I'm afraid, hard as it is that makes you nothing in the eyes of the law! His next of kin are me and Mr Black now, Lance asked Merlin this morning" Gwen looked at Arthur with pity "I'm sorry but that's how it is"

Arthur knew he had lost that right but hadn't realised that Merlin had chosen someone else over him and it hurt. "Tell him that I'm here for him anytime of the day or night for anything"

Gwen looked at Arthur with sympathy "I will, like I said give him time, Merlin is a very forgiving person"


	18. Chapter 18

Soon after Arthur left Gwaine and Percy arrived, Merlin was still in his room but came out to see the two men. Gwaine hugged him "You look better mate without all that hair and you smell prettier to"

Percy was shocked at the difference in their friend, he had been warned by Gwaine, but the dullness of the eyes and the lack of his personality hit the big man. He also hugged Merlin. "Good to see you back."

Gwaine turned to Gwen "We thought we'd take Merlin out for a walk if that's ok with you Gwen"

"Ask Merlin, but it might be good for him, there's a nice coffee shop down the road" the message was clear to Gwaine, no pubs, not that that was on the cards.

"Want to come Merl?" Gwaine asked.

Merlin didn't reply but went and got a coat and put his shoes on. All his old clothes Gwen had collected from Arthur's were at least clean and tidy, but it was clear just how much weight he had lost as they hung on his frame.

The three men walked together with Gwaine chatting away and even Percy throwing in the odd comment but Merlin was silent throughout. The got to the coffee shop and Gwaine ordered up, he had asked Merlin what he wanted and getting no reply brought his old favourite "Here you are hot chocolate" he placed it in front of Merlin who slowly picked it up and took a sip.

"Haven't had this since I left" he murmured "nice"

Gwaine then put a plate in front of each of them "Apple cake" he said with a grin. All through their drinks and on the walk back Merlin hardly spoke but at least he had gone with them.

When they get back to Gwen's Gwaine looked at his friend "Look Merl we're busy at the moment a big parade coming up, but we'll come back on Saturday and go out again ok"

Merlin nodded then Percy spoke "Why don't you come with Gwen and little one, to the parade see us in our bearskins and red coats?"

Gwen smiled "That would be nice, will you come with me Merlin"

Merlin reluctantly agreed he would and the two men went away happy. After they left Percy turned to Gwaine "I wasn't expecting him to be that bad"

Gwaine looked at his friend "Good job you didn't see him before then, he hadn't had a haircut or shaved for the three years and I don't think he'd washed or changed his clothes either. It's sad but we'll get him back" Gwaine said ever the optimist. "Pity no pubs but I suppose it's for the best, he's not a good drunk"

Will had come to visit but by then Merlin was asleep his walk had exhausted him, he left a message and promised to come again. Morgana had rung and Gwen promised to tell Merlin and that she would tell Morgana when he was up for visitors.

Lance came back from work with a bag of medication for Merlin, he was to take Thiamine and Vitamin B complex following his long term alcohol problems and well as other nutritional supplements, he was also to take antidepressants and iron for anaemia. Gwen was put in charge of giving him his doses at the right time. Merlin was told he must not drink as the binge drinking he had been doing once a week was causing problems that would only get worse if he continued.

Gwen told Lance about her conversation with Arthur "Gwen you mustn't tell Arthur anything, that's up to Merlin, Arthur's going to have to accept that he has lost that right until and unless Merlin changes his mind. Merlin is not in a fit state to make too many decisions nor to be pressurised. I'm going to phone Arthur tomorrow, but I think you're right about one thing, Megan will be good for him, children of that age are uncomplicated and just what he needs"

Lance rang Arthur from his surgery so Merlin didn't overhear. Once the pleasantries were out of the way Lance got down to business.

"Look Arthur, I can't and won't discuss Merlin's heath with you, except to say he needs to be kept clear from stress, you are welcome to visit if he wants but it all has to be at his pace. I know it's hard but that's how it is. Have you considered going back to your counsellor who saw you after your injuries?"

"No I haven't its Merlin who needs help not me" Arthur said patiently. "I will do as you ask, of course I will but I don't see why I need help."

"To cope, it's hard it must be, I expect you hoped if you found Merlin things would resolve, I don't think any of us expected how he would be and it will be harder on you than anyone, give it a thought Arthur after all you have invested a lot of time and effort into finding Merlin"

"Thank you Lance for looking after him, if he needs treatment and I can pay to get it through quicker or help in anyway please let me know. Also if he ever asks for me day or night I'm here for him." He paused "I will consider what you say"

After the phone call Arthur sat and gave it some thought, then came to the conclusion that perhaps Lance was right but not in the way he had intended, what if he was to see his counsellor and arrange for them both to be seen, for relationship guidance. It was worth a shot and he decided there and then to ring and make the first appointment. It would show Merlin that he was serious about sorting things out.

Once Arthur had been to see the counsellor Arthur had suggested that he contact Merlin's GP to make sure it wasn't counterproductive to what treatment Merlin was on. Arthur had to be happy with that and hope Lance would be accepting. When Lance received the call he was surprised and said he would put it to Merlin but that he felt it was too soon, that Merlin needed to sort out other issues first. After a lengthy discussion which Lance stressed the need not to divulge some aspects to Arthur he finished the call. Lance realised what Arthur was trying to do, but felt he hadn't grasped the situation fully.

When Saturday came Merlin refused to go to the parade and neither Gwen nor Lance tried to get him to change his mind, instead he played with Megan. Lance managed to get Merlin to speak to someone. Iseldir was a soft spoken man who Merlin found some sort of connection to but it was long and slow work but gradually Lance and Gwen saw a slight change in their friend. When they were about he would go for walks with Gwaine and Percy, Merlin had also seen Will a couple of times but only with someone else there, he couldn't face him alone. That hurt Will but he understood he would have to earn Merlin's trust. He had even gone out with Morgana shopping to by a present for Megan and met Leon for coffee. But he still refused to see Arthur.

Merlin spent more time with Megan and Dragon than anyone else. Even if Gwen was in the background watching them. He even smiled and on rare occasions laughed when he played with the two of them. Merlin's x ray had shown he had a long term chest infection, so Lance arranged a course of anti-bionics he had clearly been suffering from frequent bronchitis. Lance arranged for him to have a flu jab to hopefully help this winter, but as he was now living in better conditions he hoped Merlin would be healthier. He was improving slowly.

When Merlin was asked he had refused to go to the counselling sessions with Arthur. Arthur was devastated but determined not to give up, even though it was getting him down, he would be lying if he said he hadn't hoped he would be closer to Merlin by now. On one occasion he had sat in the same room as Arthur but had hardly spoke to him, but at least it was some progress after nearly four weeks at Gwen's.

The following weekend Merlin went with Gwen and Megan to watch a military parade, despite having decided not to go to the previous one. Merlin didn't say much but Gwen soon realised that the site of the Grenadier Guards in their full dress uniforms including their bearskins effected Merlin, reminding him of the times he had seen Arthur on Parade before Afghanistan. Merlin was quiet on the way home and when they got back home he went to his room. After giving Merlin time Gwen took him in cup of tea only to find he wasn't in his room. She looked for him without luck. Then checking it was clear he hadn't taken anything with him and Dragon was curled up on the bed. There was nothing she could do but wait for Lance to come home.

Before he did Gwaine phoned, so Gwen told him that they had gone but that Merlin had disappeared, he said they had finished so he would come and look around for her. Gwaine and Percy looked round all the places they knew Merlin liked to go on their walks and found him sitting in one of the parks. Unfortunately as they got closer they could see he had half empty bottle in his hand. The two men approached and sat down by the clearly drunk figure of their friend. Merlin looked up at them and they could see he had tears in his eyes.

Gwaine put his arm round Merlin "Oh Merl, what's this about mate?"

"afer," Merlin slurred. "miss im"

Percy spoke up "Was it the march Merlin?"

Merlin nodded "used to watch im, … brought it back ….. miss im"

Gwaine sighed "Sorry mate we shouldn't have asked you to come, but if you miss him why won't you talk to him?"

Merlin looked at Gwaine "can't" was all he said then went to take another drink of whiskey, but Percy stopped him

"No Merlin, no more. It's not good for you" he tried to take the bottle but Merlin held onto it. But Percy was stronger, and once he had the bottle he emptied it onto the ground. "Come on Coffee, before we get you home, Gwen's worried about you"

Percy helped Merlin stand while Gwaine sent an email to Gwen. They took Merlin to the café and gave him a strong cup of coffee and made him drink a glass of water, then helped him home. Once back the two men helped Merlin into bed and then sat and talked to both Gwen and Lance who had just got home.

"It was my fault I didn't think" Gwaine said

"I think it was good for him, not the drinking, but the parade it made him face his feelings." Lance told the soldiers.

"He still loves Arthur so why won't he see him? Give him a chance. It's killing them both." Gwaine said "They should be together"

"Maybe, but it won't be easy, and Merlin hitting the drink won't help." Lance told them. "Thanks for finding him, I'll let his counsellor know"


	19. Chapter 19

Lance took Merlin back to see George Black and his family a few days later, thinking it might help, and George had been pleased to see the difference in Merlin even after such a short time, he still called him Bill, but Merlin liked that, it was familiar. Merlin had a long chat with George and the older man thought he understood Merlin better afterwards. It was George who told Merlin he should speak to Arthur rather than avoid him.

"You can't run away for ever son, it doesn't mean you have to get together with him, or even become friends but you need to face him. Give it some thought."

Merlin said he would try, he found it easier to trust George than anyone else, all his friends wanted him to speak to Arthur, but they were Arthur's friends as well. George was independent of all that. Merlin left some Christmas presents for George and his son's and promised to visit again. He also spent some time talking to George's sons and nephews who promised to visit him in London now he was getting settled. Merlin visited his mother's grave before they headed home once more. He had a lot to think about.

On the way back Lance had a surprise when Merlin turned to him "I've decided I want to see Arthur"

Lance waited for a bit before replying "Are you sure you're ready Merlin?"

Merlin looked at Lance "I need to I can't go on like this, it might not come to anything but I want to do it. It's time, I don't know what I want to happen but I need to see him"

"Ok Merlin, if you're ready" Lance smiled at Merlin "You've come a long way, we're proud of you, you know that don't you"

Merlin didn't mention it again but when he saw his counsellor the next day he told him "I've decided I'm going to see Arthur soon"

Iseldir wasn't as surprised as Lance had been, he also realised that his visit to the Blacks may have been the catalyst. Merlin had been making progress and although he still wasn't his former self he had come quite a long way, in a short time, he too felt that Megan had been the main reason, it had given Merlin someone to think about and interact with who had no expectations of him.

Morgana came round the next day to take Merlin out shopping. Christmas was fast approaching and Merlin wanted to finish getting his last bits and pieces, mainly for Megan. While they were out Morgana asked Merlin if he would attend her party on Boxing Day. Merlin was reluctant but promised to think about it. He wasn't sure he could cope with such a large group although most of them he knew. It would also mean a social occasion with Arthur present.

That evening Will came round to see Merlin, they had met up of a couple of occasions but it hadn't gone particularly well. Merlin was still anxious around his old friend, Lance was of the opinion that Merlin had already been suffering some signs of post-traumatic stress about the incident, even before Arthur had divorced him. But both men seemed willing to continue to try with their friendship. Merlin had mentioned it during his counselling sessions and was working with to overcome things. Will made sure to visit when someone else could be around to make Merlin feel safe.

The next morning Merlin mentioned Morgana's party to Gwen over breakfast and she admitted that they had been invited and if they went they would be given rooms for the night so Megan could go with them, but they would only go if Merlin wanted to go as well. Merlin went and sat and gave it some thought, cuddling Dragon as he did so, he found that the cat seemed to help him think straight. He didn't want his friends to miss out because of him but he knew they wouldn't go if he didn't. At ten thirty Merlin told Gwen he was going out for a while would be back for tea. That always made Gwen nervous in case he drank, but she smiled and told him to ring if he needed to be picked up. Merlin headed of out making sure he was wrapped up it was a crisp winter's day. He had his signature scarf around his neck

Although Arthur had a lot on his mind he had continued to go to work, everyone in his office was pleased he had found Merlin but knew that they were trying to slowly get to know one another again. Arthur was finding the whole thing very stressful, he had somehow thought finding Merlin would be the end to it, not realising all that needed to follow. But at least, to his mind Merlin was unattached and had not found a new partner. He knew that was selfish, but he wasn't sure what he would have done had Merlin had a new partner and life while been had been away.

It was clearly understood in the office that Arthur could have whatever time off he needed and at a moment's notice if he wanted to. That was a benefit of working for the charity, but he had no intention of taking this for granted. He had found his loved one, but there was so many out there who had not. One of the problems he was currently facing was his father. Uther was unimpressed by the fact that Arthur seemed to want to rebuild a relationship he had ended voluntarily, and it was causing more conflict between the two of them. This had exacerbated there already strained relationship. Uther had never been impressed when Arthur had turned down a job for the Ministry of Defence when he had left the army. Arthur had told Uther that he fully intended to remarry Merlin if he could, and that he felt it best, as Uther couldn't accept that fact, that they discontinue the regular visits that had become routine over the past three years. This had resulted in a huge row between them. Neither man willing to back down.

Arthur was sat at his desk when Kate one of his co-workers came in, she looked ill at ease "What's up Kate?

They often sought each other's opinions when dealing with cases. "One of the girls has noticed a man hanging around outside, he keeps looking at the building. She said he's been there for nearly an hour, should we go out and talk to him?" She paused "He may just be nervous about coming in."

"I'll go out if you like, I'm due a break anyway" Arthur stood up and walked to the front of the building and looked out the window. He saw the figure opposite and as soon as he saw the scarf he knew who it was and smiled. Then he turned to Kate "He's waiting for me, I'll get my coat and go and see him, if I'm not back for a while don't worry. I have no appointments today."

Arthur went and got his coat and picked up his mobile from his desk before switching off his computer. He then walked outside and across the road. Arthur stopped in front of Merlin and grinned "Fancy a coffee you must be cold."

Merlin looked at Arthur "Is it alright you're at work, I can wait" his speech was hesitant and Arthur sensed the tension and knew it had taken Merlin an effort to come.

"Merlin I will always have time for you, work can wait, come on let's find somewhere warm and have a coffee" He took Merlin's elbow and started to walk down the street towards a small café he sometimes used. Opening the door he let Merlin go in first. "Go and sit down at the back near the heater, I'll get the drinks"

Merlin walked slowly to the back as Arthur has suggested and took of his coat and placed it on the back of his chair. He felt like running but calmed himself, he knew this had to be done. Arthur ordered up two coffees and walked towards Merlin. He could see just how tense Merlin was and knew he would need to be careful. "Here you are" he put the coffees down, then like Merlin took off his coat. "It's good to see you. How did you know where I worked?"

Merlin was looking down at his coffee but glanced up "Gwaine mentioned it" he paused "I shouldn't have come, but I needed to see you" Arthur had to strain to hear Merlin.

"I'm glad you did, is everything alright?" he was wondering why Merlin had come to see him now.

Merlin took a sip of his drink, Arthur waited until Merlin spoke once more. "I thougthitwastime" come the reply. Arthur just about caught what Merlin had said

"I'm glad, it's good to see you Merlin, you're looking better, Gwen and Lance are looking after you. I hear you've been to see George and his sons, I saw Gwaine and Percy they told me" Arthur didn't want Merlin to think he had been spying on him.

This time Merlin's face showed more emotion when he spoke "Megan is great she loves dragon" he took another drink "Gwen and Lance are good, but I can't stay there for ever. I went shopping with Morgana as well." Merlin looked up at Arthur and changed the subject "George and his family were good to me"

"I know Merlin, they're good people. What do you want to do? When you leave Gwen's? If you need any help I'm here for you" Arthur hoped Merlin would eventually move back with him but if not, he wanted to help Merlin.

"Thanks, I don't know" he paused and looked almost frightened by what he was about to say. Arthur leaned across the table and put his hand on Merlin's

It was clear to the blonde that Merlin had come to see him for a reason "Look Merlin, don't be scared you can say anything to me, I'll understand, I deserve it for how I treated you"

Merlin looked shocked "No! its not that" his eyes were moist but it was clear he was fighting his emotions. "I don't hate you, I don't even blame you, what happened to me was my own fault. I went away just to think, I went to the grave then meant to go up north, but something snapped when I got to mum, I sort of gave up, I wanted to stay near, but I was worried someone would look for me. When George found me I ….. I wasn't sure what I was doing, the counsellor says I was depressed that everything caught up with me, that until then I had been running on adrenaline, since I heard you were hurt." Arthur let Merlin talk knowing that would be best. "I can't remember much about those three years. I would spend ages sitting by mums grave, George and the others tried to help, they were good to me…..when you came…..

IknewIstilllovedyou" Merlin stopped talking then he looked up into Arthur's eyes demanding the truth "I don't want your pity"

Arthur looked at Merlin knowing they had reached an important milestone and he could muck this up for ever if he handled this wrongly. Returning Merlin's look and meeting his eye he smiled "Merlin I don't pity you, yes I'm sorry, very sorry for what I put you through, but it's not pity, I do feel guilty but what I feel the most is love, I love you and I've never stopped, even when I was saying those horridly things to you, I thought I had to drive you away so you could be happy, I was screwed up, and thought you needed better than I could give you." He paused "You know every morning and every night for three years I've kissed your photo, I've never forgotten you not for a moment. I want you back in my life anyway you want me. I love you so much it hurts"

Merlin paused before speaking "We're idiots" he gave a very small grin but then turned away and stared out the window.

"We are! In fact I'd say we deserve each other!" Arthur squeezed Merlin's hand. "Drink up and lets go for a walk, I want to take you somewhere" Merlin somewhat reluctantly did as he was told, Arthur took him round to the car park where his car was parked and opened the door for Merlin and after making sure he was comfortable shut the door and went round and got in. As he strapped himself in Merlin spoke once more.

"I wasn't sure you'd be able to drive again" it was the first real reference he's made the Arthur's injuries.

"Yeh, a few adaptions and I'm fine, to be honest there isn't a lot I can't do. The hand is the most bother. But the heart is the worst," he turned and smiled "It's got a Merlin sized whole in it" with that he started up the engine and drove off.

He parked in a disabled bay by a park entrance "One benefit parking's easier." Merlin notice what park it was as Arthur opened the door for him "Come on memory lane, I thought we could walk then have lunch in the café for old times' sake"

It was the park they had met in four years before. Merlin followed Arthur along the footpath until they reached the very spot Merlin had run into Arthur

Arthur smiled at Merlin "I think there should be a mark in the pavement like the ones in Hollywood" then Arthur took Merlin's hands in his "I have come here as often as I can, I always felt close to you here"

Merlin blushed and Arthur lifted his hand to Merlin's face "Can I kiss you?" the blonde asked.

Merlin didn't answer, he was taken aback by the pace that Arthur was moving at, but Arthur taking the silence as a yes leant in and gently kissed Merlin, when he realised the other man wasn't responding he pulled back "Sorry rushing in" he looked sheepish.

Merlin just looked at his ex-husband and said nothing. Arthur took Merlin's hand and led him to the café where he was greeted, it was clear he was a regular. "Oh someone with you today!" the girl behind the counter laughed.

"Two hot chocolates please and some of your soup of the day" Arthur grinned then led Merlin into the seat they had always sat in before. "Merlin I'm sorry if I'm rushing you, how about we start fresh, let me court you again" he looked at Merlin with such puppy dog eyes that Merlin found himself responding.

"I came out today just to talk to you Arthur" he explained "I'm not sure what to think" he paused and watched Arthur face fall "I'll see you again….. but no promises"

"Thank you, it's more than I deserve I know" Arthur felt the first flicker of hope.

They finished their meal and left Arthur drove Merlin back home, as they pulled up he turned to Merlin "Thank you Merlin, for giving us a chance. Can we go out tomorrow evening for a proper meal?"

"You asking me on a date?" Merlin asked, he wasn't sure what he thought of that.

"You can call it that or just two friends going out for the evening, will you come?" Arthur tried not to sound too desperate.

"Kay." Merlin said still shocked by what was happening.

"Thank you, I'll pick you up at seven" he leant across and to give Merlin a chaste kiss but Merlin moved back and got out of the car.

Merlin looked at him though the open car door before speaking "I won't …I'm not ready to…."

"Merlin like first time it's your pace ok, the fact we were married hasn't changed anything I respect you and your decisions." He looked up and saw Gwen at the window "Do you want me to come in, to explain?"

"I'm an adult Arthur and Gwen's not my mother" Merlin gave Arthur a sheepish smile "Even if she thinks she is" with that he walked indoors.

Arthur watched for a moment before driving away. Gwen pounced on Merlin as soon as he was in the door. "Is that who you've been with all day, is that wise Merlin?"

"I think so Gwen, I'm going out for a meal with him tomorrow night Gwen, I know you don't really like him, but it's my life and I have to move on. We talked that's all, and I'm taking it slowly." Merlin hated to disappoint his best friend.

"I know, just be careful, I do like him, I'm just not sure that getting back together is good for you" Gwen smiled at her friend. "But it's your life and I'll always be here for you, just promise me you won't disappear again that's all."

"I promise"

When he got home Lance was less upset, he actually thought the two men should be together, not that he told his wife that. Merlin was doing well and it was time he made a new life for himself, he couldn't stay with them forever.

When Arthur got back home he rang his sister to tell her what happened. Then asked her "Is it a good idea Morgs? I want what's best for him"

"As long as you take your time and really want it Arthur, but you hurt him again and I'll never talk to you again, in fact I'll kill you and Gwaine and Percy will help me. I've been out shopping with him a couple of times since he got back, he's fragile, his health isn't brilliant but I know he loves you. Just take your time"

"I'm taking him out for a meal tomorrow night, I'm not sure if it's a date or not" Arthur told her.

"Then remember he's not to drink so no wine and no clubs. Please treat him right, I know it wasn't all your fault what happened and I'd love to see you to back together, but only if its right for you both."

Merlin spent the next day in turmoil. One moment not caring about going out, the next worrying about it, he nearly cancelled several times. When six o'clock came he had made no effort to wash or get ready. Gwen told him to go and have a shower and Merlin walked into the bathroom and put on the shower then stood there, not attempting to get undressed. Lance knocked on the door and came n Merlin hadn't even locked the door.

"Merlin" Lance looked at his friend "Are going to shower? You know you don't have to go out, you can change your mind."

Merlin looked at his and Lance could see the unshed tears in Merlin's eyes "I'm scared" was all he said.

"Then don't go. I can ring Arthur for you" Lance offered.

Merlin seemed to make a decision and started to undress. Lance gave him an encouraging smile. I'll leave you to it, do you want me to get some clean clothes for you?"

Merlin didn't answer, so Lance went and sorted out some clothes and took them into the bathroom, removing Merlin's old ones. Merlin still had a tendency to wear things for too long without them being washed, if left to his own devices. He then went and spoke to Gwen before making a phone call.

When Arthur arrived Gwen went to get Merlin who was in his bedroom. She found him sat on the bed. "Arthur's here Merlin, are you ready?"

Merlin looked up at her indecision clear on his face, Gwen smiled she knew that Lance had been right. "Merlin would you like us to come with you? Make up a foursome. Morgana said she would babysit if we wanted." She sat on the bed beside Merlin "It might be easier this time"

"Arthur will be cross with me" Merlin muttered.

"No he won't Merlin, shall I ask him?" Gwen squeezed Merlin's knee. "He'll understand"

Merlin nodded and stayed where he was. Gwen left the room and went to see Arthur and Lance who were in the kitchen. "You were right Lance" she said smiling at her husband.

"Arthur do you mind if we come with you? So Merlin doesn't feel so exposed." Lance said to Arthur "He's been fretting all day, if it's alright with you Morgana said she'd babysit"

Arthur looked disappointed but agreed "I don't want him to feel pressured and if it's better for Merlin… I 'll ring and make it a table for four" he looked at the other two "At least he's not refusing all together"


	20. Chapter 20

They left as soon as Morgana and Leon had arrived to babysit, Megan was already asleep so shouldn't be any trouble. Arriving at the restaurant they found they had a round table which made it easier to all talk and helped with the seating, Arthur had already been thinking if it would be best to sit next to Merlin or opposite him. With how they were it solved the problem. As they ordered Lance asked for a jug of water rather than wine Merlin looked up and said in a rather loud voice "Don't be so stupid! Just because I can't drink shouldn't stop you, order wine for Christ sake!" he was genuinely upset by what had been intended as a sympathetic gesture.

So they others had wine with their meal. Merlin then remained very quiet for most of the meal and picked at his food rather than enjoying it. Arthur wasn't sure how to break the silence but the whole idea of going out was to talk and begin to rebuild their shattered lives. Gwen chatted on about Morgana's party and her preparations for Christmas with Lance joining in. Arthur made a couple of comments but felt very awkward. The Merlin looked up and straight at Arthur "Sorry I'm a grouch"

"No problem Merlin, it's difficult to know what to talk about, by the way are you going to be seeing George and his boys again over Christmas. Because if you are I'd like to invite them to the flat for a small party as a thank you for caring for you"

"Don't know" Merlin relied before he even thought about it "They said they might visit."

"Do you mind if I call them and ask? Only I haven't really got to know then and I'd like to"

"Why? They aren't your sort of people" Merlin muttered.

Gwen looked at Merlin "What do you mean Merlin?"

"Well they run a scrap yard, it's a dirty job and none of them went to college or university, don't get me wrong they're the best just not the sort you lot mix with" Merlin glared at them defiantly.

"Then perhaps I ought to start" Arthur said "They are loyal. Kind and help people a lot of the people I know wouldn't have helped you like they did. I'm not a snob Merlin, many of my men in the army came from similar backgrounds"

"Yes your men, not the officers!" Merlin realised what he had said and looked embarrassed.

"Merlin I don't know what you think of me but my men were important to me, I wasn't one of those officers who looked down on his men you know" Arthur sighed "I wasn't joking I want to know the Blacks better"

For that he got the best smile from Merlin that he'd had since he had found him again. Arthur smiled in return "can I have their number please?"

"Sure" Merlin started to eat his meal. When puddings came round Merlin ate all his chocolate mouse and enjoyed clearly it.

As the meal finished Arthur looked at Merlin "Fancy a mammoth film session, like we used to? Or I've got all last sessions Dr Who we could watch? I could get us in some pizza and we could get together on Saturday. Gwaine and Percy might be free"

Merlin looked at Arthur speculatively and nodded "Only if you boys have your beers, I don't want everyone pretending just for me, I'm not a baby you know"

"Great I'll ask them. It will be fun" Arthur reached out unconsciously and took Merlin's hand in his "It's been a long time since I've done that"

As they left the restaurant Arthur insisted on paying for everyone "My treat after all you weren't expecting to come out. It's been good" He helped Merlin put on his jacket and held the door open for Merlin putting his arm around his waist once they were out on the pavement. Merlin looked at him but Arthur laughed "its cold I don't want you suffering" but he withdrew his arm feeling slightly awkward about what he had done. Arthur found the distance between them so difficult to cope with.

He made a point of not seeing Merlin before Saturday but rang up in the morning to check Merlin was still intending to come. When Merlin said yes Arthur said "Gwaine offered to pick you up as he comes your way, he'll get there about two is that ok"

Merlin felt better with Gwaine picking him up, somehow it seemed less of a threat, more comfortable. Gwen made him a chocolate cake to take and wished him good luck Both her and Lance had noticed an improvement with Merlin, the antidepressants had started to work and with the counselling Merlin was beginning to feel more positive.

When Gwaine turned up Merlin was ready and waiting. He found he was actually looking forward to spending the afternoon with his friends, he realised he had missed the comradery and with a group felt less threatened. When they got to Arthur's Merlin got tense once more. Gwaine noticed and sat in the car for a moment before turning to Merlin "What's up Merl?"

Merlin looked up at his friend "It's the flat, I never thought I would come back here"

Gwaine kicked himself he hadn't considered that Merlin had lived there before he went missing. "It's just a building mate, we'll all be with you, come on you're doing well"

Merlin nodded and got out of the car and walked towards the familiar doorway, as he got there it opened and Arthur was there to greet them, he was dressed in the red shirt Merlin had always loved so much. Merlin felt a lump in his throat and his mood plummeted. Gwaine looked at Merlin "Come on in you get it's perishing out here" as they went in Gwaine whispered to Arthur "Go easy, he's finding coming here difficult, old home and all that"

Arthur took their coats and the cake from Gwen, Percy was already sat down and eyed the cake "Oh that's mine" he said with a big grin on his face.

"Get your paws off you great lump" Gwaine protested "Merlin wouldn't let me start it in the car so we all get dibs"

They all started with a coffee and were soon settle in round the TV, Merlin had been doing his best not to look round at his old home, but Arthur had insisted he check on the condition of the sideboard. Tears weld up as he looked at it, memories of his mother coming to the fore. Arthur gave his arm a squeeze "I'll keep it safe as long as you need me to"

Merlin looked round at the one or two decorations Arthur had put up. "Mum loved Christmas, We're going to decorate Gwen's tomorrow"

With that they went and sat down as Percy put on the first Doctor Who of the afternoon. Percy sat on the floor with Gwaine in the armchair that left the sofa for Merlin and Arthur. They started the afternoon well separated but gradually got closer as the afternoon progressed. As tea time approached they were all starving "I've put in an order it will be here soon" Arthur reassured them "Lots for everyone". Merlin had stuck to cola's all afternoon but the others had had beer at Merlin's request. As he said he wasn't an alcoholic as such he drank to kill emotions and memories once a week, just too much at a time, and he only wanted drink when he couldn't cope otherwise, he knew it was a crutch.

The doorbell rang and Arthur asked Merlin to get the door "It will be the pizzas I'll get my money, Gwaine get the plates out, Perc clear the table" Arthur asked. AS Merlin opened the door he got the shock of his life to find George and two of his sons outside the door.

"Let us in boy or the food will get cold" George told him, winking at him "Let Jim and Fred in as well, I guess he didn't tell you then?" Gwaine took the pizzas of George as the older man grabbed Merlin and hugged him "Only the three of us this time boy, but I had to come and see you"

Percy went off and found a couple more seats and everyone settled down once both Jim and Fred had hugged Merlin. The raven haired man has tears in his eyes, he looked at Arthur and smiled "Thank you this is a lovely surprise."

George looked on "That's what I've wanted to see a smile, you're a different man when you smile Bill, or should I say Merlin"

Merlin hugged George once more "Bill or Merlin I don't care"

"I'd say Merlin, Bills the miserable git" Fred told him. The men recognised Fred as the first man they had met at the scrap yard months ago, he was George's eldest son. "And like I told you when you visited with Lance, you scrub up well, now let's eat while it's hot"

The group sat and talked as they ate the pizzas and the TV was forgotten, Bill and his sons were in London for two days at Arthurs request and would be staying in a local travel lodge having refused Arthur's offer of accommodation as being too crowded. The plan was to visit Merlin at Gwen and Lance the next day and also take Merlin out for lunch before heading home.


	21. Chapter 21

Merlin enjoyed the rest of the afternoon and evening, evidently Gwen and Lance had been aware of the surprise so hadn't been expecting Merlin back very early. It was Fred who took Merlin back home later that evening.

"It's good to see you looking better Merlin" Fred grinned at the man sitting next to him "You know for a long time we didn't think you were going to make it, we all thought another winter might kill you. I know you're not there yet but keep working on it. You know that man of yours, he's better than I thought, I think he's good for you."

Merlin looked at Fred in surprise "We're not together Fred, I don't know if we ever will be again, not like that anyway."

"You will be I sense it, must be the gypsy in me, there's a saying I rather like, it's hard to hate someone who makes you whole, who is the other half of your coin. I think that suits you both. Don't forget the opposite of hate is love, and you sure don't hate Arthur. Give yourself permission to trust him again and love will follow" by now Fred had stopped outside Lance's house "We all want to see you happy, truly happy Merlin remember that, you've touched all our lives" Fred smiled at Merlin "Now go on get indoors and we'll see you tomorrow and if you tell the others what I said I will deny it. I don't do feelings much"

Merlin threw his arms around Fred's neck "We all know you're a big softy underneath, I promise to think about it" with that Merlin got out of the car and went indoors.

Merlin was up early next morning, far earlier than normal, he was looking forward to seeing George, Fred and Jim again. He went downstairs to get a tea before having a shower. As he walked towards the kitchen he heard Gwen and Lance talking and something made him stop and listen. He heard Lance's voice first : "I know Gwen but he can't stay here for ever, when the new baby comes we won't have room. We have six months but then we'll have to find him his own place. By then I'm sure he'll cope"

Gwen sounded upset "We can't just throw him out, Lance he's my best friend the baby can go in with Megan for a time. Merlin loves Megan and I know he'll love the baby. He needs us"

"He needs to make his own life as well, now love please don't spoil this news! We're having a baby, something we've wanted, please don't worry things will sort out, I know they will"

Merlin was pleased and shocked. He knew the couple had wanted a new baby, but hadn't thought about what his presence in their lives would cause. They had helped him so much, he didn't want to cause difficulties or disagreements between them. Realising the couple were moving and might spot him Merlin made a noise so they would know he was there. He quickly went back and shut the door as if he had just come downstairs.

Walking into the kitchen he smiled at the couple "Good morning"

Gwen looked at Merlin guiltily, had he heard what they had been saying "You're up early"

"Yes, I woke up so thought I'd get up after all George will be here later, I'm glad they came, it's been good to see them again" he smiled and tried to hide the worry their conversation was causing him. After all he had a few months to get something sorted, he wouldn't make them tell him.

Lance tipped him out a cup of tea and Gwen started to bustle about "I'd best get Megan up and bathed. Do you want the shower first Merlin?"

"No you go ahead, I've got time to have one afterwards" he sipped his tea.

Gwen went off to find her daughter and Merlin went to the cupboard and got out some cereal. Turning to Lance he said "Do you want some?"

Lance looked at Merlin "No thanks" he paused "How much did you hear?"

"Hear?" Merlin looked at Lance trying to look puzzled

"Yes hear, you might fool Gwen but not me" Lance looked at Merlin as the other man's face fell. "Look Merlin we won't throw you out, I just need Gwen to understand that you will need to move on for your own sake. The baby is an excuse nothing more. You can't stay here forever, you need your own place and give a few more months and you'll be ready. You know that don't you"

Merlin looked at Lance all his earlier good mood gone "I know, I don't mean to be a nuisance, I'll make sure I'm gone soon"

"No not soon, and no running away either. We will make proper plans you're a special friend Merlin, if you're not ready the children can share a room, you know that, but Gwen is a natural mother and she'll want to look after you forever and that's not right for you. Promise me you'll not run off or do anything daft, none of us could cope with that again" Lance moved forward and hugged Merlin "You've come such a long way, and now the antidepressants have kicked in you'll continue to improve. You're like a brother to me Merlin, we love you."

Merlin looked at Lance and for the first time really understood just how much hurt he had caused when he left last time. "I'm sorry Lance, no I won't run away again, but I will find somewhere, close by I hope, Thank you" he paused "Oh and tell me about the baby soon, or I'll blurt something out by mistake I'm so happy for you"

"Sure thing Merlin, we'll tell you as soon as you've had your shower." Lance was relieved that that had gone as well as it had, they would need to be more careful now Merlin was improving and not staying in bed until one of them made him get up.

Merlin came down stairs later and was met by a happy looking Gwen "Merlin come and sit down we'd like to tell you something" she took his arm and led him into the kitchen where Lance was waiting "You're the first to know…. We are going to have another baby!"

Merlin beamed at her "What good news, I'm happy for you both"

"Well we needed to tell you as I'm sure I'll be throwing up every morning soon!" Gwen joked.

"Oh no! Will we have to eat all sorts of strange things" Merlin asked

"That come later Merlin" Lance told him "Along with the mood swings"

It was about an hour later when the Blacks arrived and they had a nice morning getting to know one another. George left some parcels for Christmas "No opening them early Merlin, it's only a week away"

"We're getting the tree up tomorrow" Gwen told Merlin "But we better not up them under it or Megan will open them" she turned to George "We didn't put the decorations up before as Megan is already getting excited it will be the first Christmas that she really understands"

George looked at the toddler "You wait till next year! I remember it well. Mind you I have four grandchildren now so we have it all again. That's why we couldn't come down nearer Christmas" he explained.

"Yes the missus would have killed me" Fred grinned "Mind you she wanted to come and see Merlin, I expect we'll be down again soon, or you could come and stay for a few days" he looked at Merlin

"Perhaps, I need to start thinking about work, the counsellor said it would help me" Merlin admitted "That's if I can find work with my health record"

Gwen looked at Merlin shocked "Of course you will you're a great graphic designer and you've all you qualifications"

Merlin looked at her "Gwen I haven't touch that for years, no I was thinking of something easier to start with, maybe shop work"

That created another conversation as George and his son's hadn't realised Merlin had trained in that field "I can recommend you as good with a brush!" George laughed "But you need better than that my boy, get you kit out and you'll soon pick it up again. You still have it do you?"

"It's at Arthur's in the sideboard, unless he got rid of it" Merlin admitted.

"He's kept everything" Lance told him "I'll ring him later and ask him for it. It will do you good to get your mind working again" Lance was pleased with the way Merlin was starting to think, he had been back over three months and this was the first time he had seen Merlin so animated.


	22. Chapter 22

After Lance, Gwen and George's family had got to know one another better Merlin set out with the Blacks for lunch at one of the local pubs. Merlin had loved seeing his almost family again and they decided to make a regular thing of it, George saying that the other boys and their wives wanted to see Merlin again as well. Now they were on their own the Blacks asked Merlin more questions about how he was getting on with all his old friends and settling back into his old life.

Merlin admitted that he had found it hard, especially Arthur. "I don't know what to do" he explained "When I think him I want to be with him, but when I see him something holds me back…I don't know if we can ever find what we had and perhaps it would be best if we didn't try."

George looked at the young man he had come to think of as a son "It's natural to be scared son, I've seen how much better you look, I've also seen how you look at each other, when you think the other one isn't looking. We've talked" George indicated his two sons "Give it a chance boy, we'd like to see you happy, but if you decide not to then make another life for yourself. If you ever want to move back up with us you're more than welcome you know that."

Jim spoke "Merlin, do what you want, not what anyone else wants, not us, not your friends here and not Arthur. You have to be happy with what you do it's your life." He smiled, "But Dads right about one thing it's great to see you looking so well"

"I second that" Fred said "I bet some of your friends want you to do what they think best, even Dad has his ideas, but go with what your heart tells you"

They then changed the subject and talked about their plans for Christmas before taking Merlin back and dropping him of at Gwen's. Before they set off they promised to phone on Christmas day. And George took some money from Merlin to get some flowers for his Mums grave over Christmas "She has the best kept grave and more flowers than anyone else there" George assured him. "We make sure of that"

Merlin watched them drive off until they were out of sight them went indoors. He had a lot to think about. The next day Merlin helped Gwen dress the tree and put the decorations up as well as help Megan put glitter on some decorations they made together. The little girl was getting excited and by the end of their efforts Merlin and Megan as well as Dragon were covered in glitter. But it had actually began to feel like Christmas to Merlin for the first time since his mother had died.

That evening he wrapped the presents he had brought everyone and finally agreed to go to Morgana's party on Boxing Day. Christmas Eve saw Merlin in the kitchen making gingerbread with Megan as Gwen got other things prepared ready in advance for the Christmas lunch. The Merlin decided to make something he used to make with his mother. After a quick trip to the local shop he made a log cabin out of chocolate fingers and royal icing. Making a roof to be put in place the next morning when the icing had set.

Christmas morning saw Megan up early and they were soon all sat round the tree opening their presents and then sat and ate a light breakfast, knowing they had a large lunch to come. Merlin and Lance found themselves playing with Megan and her new toys while Gwen worked in the kitchen. Even Dragon joined in the fun before sitting on his bed and falling asleep. At eleven o'clock the doorbell rang and Merlin jumped up to answer it. As he was nearest, only to find Arthur stood there.

Arthur smiled at Merlin "Happy Christmas Merlin, I've brought some presents round as I wanted you all to have them today"

Merlin wasn't sure who he had expected but somehow hadn't thought of Arthur, he hadn't seen him since George had visited. "Come in" he stepped back and allowed Arthur into the hallway. "Thank you by the way for organising the visit with George, I really enjoyed myself" he said feeling very shy all of a sudden. With that he led the way into the lounge "Look who's here" he told Lance and Megan" turning to Arthur "Cup of Coffee?" he asked timidly.

"Yes please"

Lance smiled at Arthur "Happy Christmas, mind the toys everywhere, let me take your coat, and please take a seat"

Arthur started to feel slightly awkward, he had driven there on impulse originally intending to exchange presents the next day at the party, now he wondered if he should have kept to that. Gwen came out of the kitchen with Merlin. "Hello Arthur, this is a surprise"

Arthur held out a package to Megan "I thought she would rather have this today" he said sheepishly knowing he wasn't fooling anyone."

Megan ran over and took the present and was soon opening it and squealed as she discovered a pushy cat who looked at bit like Dragon. Arthur handed Gwen and Lance another package which contained a couple of bottle of good wine. Then finally he handed Merlin his present. Merlin took it and carefully opened it before smiling at Arthur "Thank you" he told the blonde with a smile as he took out a winter jacket and a scarf and gloves.

"I thought they'd be useful as you're such a cold morsel" Arthur had resisted buying something to personal not wanting to upset the other man.

Merlin stood up "I'll go and get yours" with that he ran upstairs.

With Merlin out of the room Arthur said "He's looking better every time I see him"

"Merlin is doing well, that visit you arranged with George and the boys helped" Lance told him "Thanks for your presents" then Gwen gave Arthur their gift a bottle of single malt.

"He's doing really well, he was cooking with Megan yesterday" Gwen told Arthur "I think he's turned the corner, it's been a long three months. He's got further to go but at least he smiles now" She stopped talking as Merlin came back into the room.

Merlin walked shyly up to Arthur and handed him a box, which Arthur took "I hope you like it, if you don't I can change it" Merlin looked at Arthur and in that moment Arthur decided that no matter what it was he would love it, just in the hopes of seeing Merlin smile.

Arthur took of the wrapping paper and opened the blue box within and found a whisky glass with the Grenadier Guards emblem engraved on it. Arthur eyes filled and he looked up at Merlin "Thank you I love it!" he did as well, he loved his old regiment and thought it a wonderful and personal gift. He stood up and walked to Merlin and hugged him "It's great, people avoid thing like this but it's fantastic, I'll use it every evening"

As he pulled back Merlin gave him a beaming smile which nearly broke Arthur heart to see. "Good I wasn't sure, I didn't want to bring back anything, so I asked the boys they thought you'd like it, sorry it's not much only I'm not earning yet."

"I love it" Arthur reassured him. "Well I'd best be going Morgana's expecting me for dinner. I'll see you all tomorrow?" Arthur was feeling very emotional and thought it best he leave before he ruined the moment by kissing Merlin.

"It's been nice seeing you Arthur" Lance assured the blonde and we'll all be there tomorrow, even the new cat I'm sure" Looking at Megan Arthur was pleased to see the young girl hugging the toy cat.

"I'll see you out" Merlin said. And he walked towards the door. Once in the hallway Merlin looked at Arthur "Happy Christmas and thank you"

"Thank you! Merlin that was a thoughtful and lovely gift" Arthur looked into Merlin's eyes and smiled "It's good to see you happy Merlin"

"I'm getting there" Merlin put his hand on Arthurs arm "I want us to be friends Arthur"

"Friends?" Arthur asked then kicked himself for asking

"Perhaps more" Merlin whispered and as he saw Arthur's face light up he swallowed "After Christmas we need to talk"

"Anytime just let me know Merlin ….. I miss you" he leant forward and very slowly and gently kissed Merlin. The turning away so Merlin couldn't see the tears in his eyes he started to walk out the door, as the door shut he heard a very quiet "I miss you as well"

Arthur had to sit in his car for a few minutes before he could drive away, he felt like Merlin had given him hope, the best Christmas Present he could have wished for.

The rest of Christmas day went quietly with Merlin spending most of his time with Megan. He went to his bedroom early to allow Gwen and Lance sometime alone. Merlin curled up on his bed with Dragon, he still had the habit of talking to the cat, and he sometimes felt the feline was a better listener than his counsellor. "What do I do Dragon? I do love him you know, but I don't know what to do. He says he loves me but does he? Or is it pity? He's such a prat sometimes, he'd be all noble like that. I don't want to ruin his life" he looked at his cat who was purring away on the bed. "You're not a lot of help you know, anyway either way we have to move soon and somewhere I can take you. They've been really kind but with another baby on the way…" Merlin decided to get into bed and watch a film on his small TV, before eventually falling asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

Merlin got up early the next day he had washed up the glasses from the night before and tidied the living room and was just starting breakfast when Gwen arrived in the kitchen. "Oh, I was going to bring you both breakfast in bed" Merlin said giving her a small grin "My mum used to do that for me Christmas morning" he explained.

"You're chirpy this morning" Gwen smiled "I'm glad and thank you, the coffee smells good" Gwen poured out two cups from the percolator "I'll take this in for Lance and tell him you've cooked us breakfast. We might get it before Megan wakes up, she was tired when we put her to bed, and she's curled up with the cat Arthur brought her"

The three of them sat and enjoyed their breakfast and decided to have a quiet day as they were out to Morgana's later. Once Megan was up and sorted they all went to the park and walked round to get some exercise and fresh air, going back for a light snack at dinner time. Then later they got ready to go out. Merlin decided to wear the skinny jeans and blue shirt that Gwen and Lance had brought him as a present along with the jacket Arthur had given him.

Merlin had managed to put on a bit of weight in the past months and looked good. It was the change in his emotional state that was the most noticeable. The antidepressants where working well, they took a good couple of months to kick in, and the help he had had from Gwen and Lance and more noticeably Megan, together with the counselling was paying off. He still had down times when he wanted to stay in bed all day but they were becoming less. Gwaine and Percy had also helped when they were free, dragging him off for long walks. Merlin's relationship with Will was still tense, Merlin refused to see him alone, but they had met up several times with someone else with them.

Tonight would be the first time Merlin would be with a large number of people, some of whom he didn't know. Morgana had assured him that she would be happy if he decided to go to the room he had been given for the night, if it got too much for him. They arrived first as Gwen wanted to settle Megan down first and Lance and Merlin offered to help with the last minute preparations. Leon was pleased for the help, Morgana loved throwing parties and they were always a great success. Mainly for all the planning and preparation she put into them.

The couple had a four bed house as Morgana and Leon both had money before they married and intended to have children, rather than move later they had looked for a family home as soon as they married. Merlin was with Leon in the kitchen, plating up some of the snacks. "You look well Merlin" Leon told him "You've put on some weight"

"Yeh, but Lance wants me to put on more, I've been ill the past three winters and he says he wants me to try to keep well this time, he even made me have injections" Merlin admitted.

"In that case I'm sure Morgana won't mind you sampling the food" Leon grinned. "She has enough here for twice the number that are coming tonight. Eat up it will save me eating it for days"

Morgana walked in and heard what her husband had said "You can Merlin, but if you see Leon eating anything tell me!" She hugged Merlin "You're looking great, there's some alcohol free beers in the corner I got them in for you. That way no one will know you're not drinking."

Merlin looked at Morgana his face falling "I don't mind fruit juice Morgana, I think everyone one knows anyway, I'm not an alcoholic you know. I used it as a prop when I couldn't cope."

Morgana's face fell "I'm sorry Merlin I didn't mean anything by it"

Merlin gave her a wry grin "I know, I'm ashamed of what I let myself become, I should have been stronger, I won't let you down tonight"

"Oh honey, I didn't think you would, Christ I was trying to help but I've made it worse haven't I?" Morgana looked so genuinely upset that Merlin hugged her.

"No you haven't, you were trying to be kind, but I'm better off with juice, offer it to the drivers." Merlin looked at Morgana "I didn't mean to upset you"

"And I didn't mean to be an idiot, friends?"

"Friends" Merlin gave Morgana a grin.

Soon the room was filling as Morgana and Leon's friends arrived. Music was playing softly in the background and small groups were sat around or standing in groups talking. Merlin was in the kitchen getting another juice when Arthur walked in. Arthur was in his light brown trousers and red shirt, the very clothes Merlin liked to see him in best. They looked at each other for a moment before Merlin spoke shyly "Hi"

Arthur looked at Merlin and was taken back to previous occasions when they had been together, and he wanted to pull Merlin close to him, he knew how Merlin had always hated meeting lots of new people. "Hi, you're looking good Merlin"

Arthur walked to the counter and poured himself a brandy adding some lemonade to make a longer drink. He turned back to Merlin "I'm glad you came, it's good to see you out. Gwaine and Percy have arrived as well."

"Did you have a good Christmas?" Arthur looked at Merlin not sure what they should talk about.

"I did, it reminded me of when I had Christmas with Mum, how about you" Merlin realised the conversation was stilted and awkward but like Arthur wasn't sure what else to say.

"I was here, it was good. I don't see father anymore we fell out, again" Arthur admitted "I don't expect I'll see him at all. Morgana and Leon are going to see him tomorrow" he paused "Look Merlin…." Whatever he was going to say was lost as Gwaine and Percy burst into the kitchen.

"Here's the drinks Perc" Gwaine said "Together with my favourite man. How are you Merl, looking good" Gwaine's arms were round Merlin and he was being pulled into a hug. "Happy Christmas mate. Your pressie is somewhere. I'll find it later." As he let go of Merlin Percy hugged the young man.

"You do look good Merlin, happier to" the big man turned to Arthur "And you to boss"

Gwaine turned round a bottle of beer open in his hand "Hello Princess, looking good" he grinned then looked at the two of them "Oh shit we haven't interrupted something have we" he grabbed Percy "Come on big man grab a drink and leave these two alone."

Merlin blushed and Arthur looked angry "You needn't go, we were only saying hello" Arthur snapped then walked out into the lounge, why was it those two got to hug when he couldn't.

Gwaine turned to Merlin "Sorry mate"

"We were only saying hello Gwaine, nothing else" Merlin walked out as well leaving Gwaine and Percy behind.

"Have I just been an idiot Perc?" Gwaine asked his friend.

"Yep! Let them work things out themselves Gwaine, you can't rush it" Percy told the brunette.

"They should be together, they're both miserable without the other, its madness" Gwaine muttered "If they weren't so damn stupid"

"Gwaine a lots happened between them you can't expect them to just fall into each other's arms" Percy shock his head "See if you cannot make any more mistakes this evening, eh?

Morgana stormed in the kitchen "Ok which of you idiots said what!" she glared at the pair. "What did you say Gwaine?" Morgana demanded.

"ME! Nothing" Gwaine protested.

"Just butt out Gwaine, let them alone and if you see them talking just stay away"

"The drinks were in here! What could a man do?" Gwaine asked. Then he threw his hands in the air "Alright I'll behave. I just hope the Princess gets the stick from up his arse and gets his act together"

Morgana glared at him "There's two in any relationship Gwaine"

"So you admit there should be a relationship then?" Gwaine demanded

"Yes I do, but that's their decision and I'm sure they will get there without your help. Now out and party"

As the evening progressed Merlin kept mainly to the side-lines but was drawn into conversation with several people' Then he found himself stood next to Arthur once more as the dancing started. They stood watching when Arthur spoke "Why don't you have a dance, you used to love it"

"You asking?" Merlin quipped back

"No sorry, that's one thing I can't do now, but don't let that stop you" Arthur said "I don't mind"

"Oh my god, sorry Arthur I didn't think" Merlin went bright red "I'm sorry, you're so go what with driving and all. I'm so selfish I just didn't think"

"Merlin I don't mind honestly, I've dealt with my issues and accepted it. The only thing I really miss is walking on the beach, I find it too difficult and perhaps messing around playing footy with the boys. I had a go once with a team of amputees but it wasn't the same" he smiled at Merlin "The fact that you didn't think makes my day, it shows how far I've come"

"But I know! That's so awful" Merlin felt so bad so self-centred, How could he have made such a comment.

Arthur took Merlin's shoulder in his hands "Merlin forget it, I really don't mind"

Merlin nodded but walked away. He found himself in the kitchen and poured himself a whiskey. He would have just one to dull what he had just done, as he knocked it back in one someone came in the kitchen "Hi, good party isn't it." Merlin turned round to find a man a bit younger then himself.

Merlin looked at him "Not to bad, not a lover of parties" he said.

"Well fancy a dance? My names Mordred I work with Morgana"

"Merlin, I don't work at all" Merlin told him hoping he'd push off.

"Well Merlin please have a dance with me" Mordred smiled "Then if you want I'll leave you alone. But you should have one dance at a party, it shows the hostess you're having a good time."

Mordred stepped into Merlin's personal space and put his arms around Merlin's waist. "Just one?"

Merlin pushed him off "Not even one. Leave me alone!" he said picking up a bottle and heading towards the stairs. As Merlin made his way up the stairs he was spotted by Arthur who noticed the bottle. Arthur pushed his way through the crowd and followed Merlin.

When he got to Merlin's bedroom door he hesitated before walking in. He had had a few drinks but wasn't drunk. He had like Merlin wanted to take the edge of his emotions. As he walked in he could see Merlin in the half light from the door, he was sitting on the bed and was drinking from the bottle. Arthur stepped across the room and grabbed the bottle from Merlin.

"What the hell are you doing" he demanded

"What's it look like, I can't do this!" Merlin put his head down into his hands.

Arthur sat beside Merlin "What can't you do?" he asked gently.

"Be normal, talk to people be happy you should have left me where I was" Merlin tried to snatch the bottle from Arthur.

"No Merlin, you're not going to do that, you're doing so well."

"No I'm not, I'm a waster, I've no job, I have to find somewhere else to live I can't cope on my own!" Merlin sobbed.

Arthur looked at Merlin "Why do you have to move?"

"Gwen's pregnant, they won't have room, any way I can't stay there forever. I could go to Georges but I don't want to be a drag, I'm a waste of space I'm selfish and useless"

Arthur could smell the whiskey on Merlin's breath knew if he left now Merlin would just get himself drunk. At the moment Merlin had had a couple of glasses but not enough to make him drunk. He was much the same it gave him the confidence to do what his heart told him to do. He put his hand up under Merlin's chin and tilted his face up to face him, then he gently kissed Merlin before pulling him into a hug.

"Oh Merlin my Merlin, you're not a waste of space, nor are you selfish, you're a wonderful human being that has lost his way a bit. I've been there. If this is over what you said earlier, I told you I don't care." Arthur bent down and kissed Merlin once more "Live with me, in the spare bedroom if you want. Just be with me and I'll be happy let me care for you and make you happy. God Merlin I love you so much" Arthur let his arms tighten round Merlin he could feel the other man's breath on his face and feel his heart beating. "You're getting there Merlin so am I together we can heal each other. We're meant to be" Arthur just held Merlin frightened to let go. When he did he found Merlin had fallen asleep in his arms.

Very gently Arthur led him down on the bed and eased his shoes of then looked at Merlin's trousers and decided there was no way he'd get such tight clothes off without waking him. So he covered Merlin over with the duvet and kissing Merlin on the forehead left the other man on his side asleep. Picking up the bottle he went downstairs. When he reached the hall he saw Lance looking at him a question on his eyes.

"I saw Merlin going up with a bottle in his hand. He's asleep in bed" Arthur showed Lance the bottle "He'll be ok."

"What happened to start him off" Lance demanded "He was so happy earlier."

"He asked me why I wasn't dancing. I explained I couldn't. He felt guilty. Then I saw him with Mordred in the kitchen I think Mordred tried to pull him, next thing I know he's heading upstairs with a bottle." Arthur looked at Lance "He wasn't drunk just had a couple. He told me he has to move is that right?"

"Not yet but I think the time is getting near, we are having another baby, but he can stay if he needs to" Lance admitted.

"He sees himself as a burden, I told him I loved him and asked him to move into my spare bedroom, next thing I knew he was asleep!" Arthur admitted. "He's covered and on his side, I didn't undress him those jeans have been sprayed on!"

"He must trust you Arthur to fall asleep, that much whiskey is well below his normal binge. Don't worry he's getting there" Lance paused "We were hoping to find him somewhere near us. I've been hoping he'd start thinking about work as well, he needs to build up his self-esteem and living with us on social security won't do that"

Arthur looked at Lance "If he won't live with me I'll buy him a place I owe him you know I do. If you think he won't take it from me I'll buy a place and rent it to him for a peppercorn rate He needn't know"

"He'd find out Arthur, he's not stupid! He wouldn't forgive you, Give him time, I'll check him later now come on join your sisters party"


	24. Chapter 24

Arthur left the party early with no Merlin there it just wasn't worth staying. He spent a restless night going over things in his mind. But by morning he had made a decision and he was determined to act on it. He rang his sister as soon as her dared.

"Morgana are you alone?" he asked her "Only I want to ask you something."

"I am, Gwen's awake but she bathing Megan, so ask away" Morgana was intrigued although she had a good guess what it was about.

"It's about Merlin…you know what happened last night?" Arthur asked

"Off course, you leaf early and there was no sign of Merlin so I cornered Lance" Arthur's sister admitted "I wanted to make sure you hadn't cocked up again"

Arthur rolled his eyes even if his sister couldn't see him "Did Lance tell you that Merlin was going to be moving out as Gwen's pregnant?"

"They announced she was expecting but he didn't tell me that!" Morgana was annoyed with herself for not picking up on that.

"Merlin told me, it's made him feel he's a burden. I told Lance I'd buy Merlin somewhere. I had already told Merlin he could use the spare room here, Trouble is I think he might have been asleep by them. I poured out my heart to him and then found him asleep in my arms"

"You numpty, but I'm proud you got that far. So what's next?"

Once they had finished talking Morgana put the phone down and sat nursing her cup of coffee. She was glad Arthur had asked for her help, she wanted the two men together again. She was still sat there when Gwen walked in with her daughter.

"Lance is up now" Gwen told Morgana "It was a good party, I'll help you clean up after breakfast"

"That's alright Gwen I suspect little Megan would rather be home. I can manage I have Leon to help." She smiled. "No sign of Merlin yet?"

"No we can't go until he's ready so I'd just as well help" Gwen smiled "After all you don't want to spend all day doing housework"

Megan spoke she had clearly been listening "Home mummy, I want to go home"

Lance walked in and smiled at the two women and ruffled his daughter's hair. "You'll be home soon pet, I'll wake Merlin in a bit, I've got to be at work this afternoon. Great party Morgana thank you for inviting us, it finished Christmas off nicely"

"Look why don't you leave Merlin, he can give me a hand, I didn't get to talk to him much last night. Also it would be nice for you to have some tome together as a family. Merlin won't mind" Morgana played it cool "I'll drop him back later when I return the hire glasses"

Gwen and Lance looked at one another and silently agreed "OK as long as it's not too much trouble, I expect he'll sleep for a while and he's always grumpy if made to get up." Lance told her grinning "We'll be off shortly and have breakfast at home, Megan always eats better there."

"Mummy home" Megan piped up once more as if on cue. Megan had been refusing to eat the toast Gwen was trying to give her.

"That's great, it will give us time to talk as well, and Merlin is a good friend" Morgana smiled that had been easier than she had thought, thanks in some part to Megan. With that Lance went upstairs and collected all their things.

Morgana wondered if they were finding Merlin being there all the time a bit of a drag. She knew they were very good friends but she knew she wouldn't want someone living in her home all the time. OK for a couple of night or even weeks but months. Both Gwen and Lance had been good to Merlin and she didn't blame them if that was the truth. She also knew that now Merlin was getting better he would soon pick up on it.

Morgana soon had the family on their way. In fact they were just going when a very sleepy Leon came downstairs. "Off already?" he asked surprised.

"Yes and thank you for letting us stay. We won't to get Megan settled and fed" Gwen explained.

"I don't think she likes out toast" Morgana said smiling "Little ones like to be home"

Megan was a bit overawed by Leon and was hiding behind her daddy's leg. "Thank you Leon and Morgana we hope to see you soon, perhaps you could pop over for a drink over New Year?" Lance asked.

The couples made some arrangements then Gwen and Lance left, Megan waving at them as they drove off. Leon turned to his wife "What are you up to and why is Merlin still here?"

Morgana looked at her husband "He's still in bed I'll take him home later" she smirked "Or Arthur can"

Leon followed Morgana into the kitchen "Come on spill"

Morgana told Leon of the conversation she'd had with Arthur earlier adding "They need this chance Leon, all this pussyfooting about has gone on too long, either way it needs to be sorted, for both their sakes"

"For once I agree with you" Leon said "So when's Arthur arriving?"

"I'll text him now, he wants to take Merlin breakfast in bed! The old romantic"


	25. Chapter 25

Arthur left the party early with no Merlin there it just wasn't worth staying. He spent a restless night going over things in his mind. But by morning he had made a decision and he was determined to act on it. He rang his sister as soon as her dared.

"Morgana are you alone?" he asked her "Only I want to ask you something."

"I am, Gwen's awake but she bathing Megan, so ask away" Morgana was intrigued although she had a good guess what it was about.

"It's about Merlin…you know what happened last night?" Arthur asked

"Off course, you leaf early and there was no sign of Merlin so I cornered Lance" Arthur's sister admitted "I wanted to make sure you hadn't cocked up again"

Arthur rolled his eyes even if his sister couldn't see him "Did Lance tell you that Merlin was going to be moving out as Gwen's pregnant?"

"They announced she was expecting but he didn't tell me that!" Morgana was annoyed with herself for not picking up on that.

"Merlin told me, it's made him feel he's a burden. I told Lance I'd buy Merlin somewhere. I had already told Merlin he could use the spare room here, Trouble is I think he might have been asleep by them. I poured out my heart to him and then found him asleep in my arms"

"You numpty, but I'm proud you got that far. So what's next?"

Once they had finished talking Morgana put the phone down and sat nursing her cup of coffee. She was glad Arthur had asked for her help, she wanted the two men together again. She was still sat there when Gwen walked in with her daughter.

"Lance is up now" Gwen told Morgana "It was a good party, I'll help you clean up after breakfast"

"That's alright Gwen I suspect little Megan would rather be home. I can manage I have Leon to help." She smiled. "No sign of Merlin yet?"

"No we can't go until he's ready so I'd just as well help" Gwen smiled "After all you don't want to spend all day doing housework"

Megan spoke she had clearly been listening "Home mummy, I want to go home"

Lance walked in and smiled at the two women and ruffled his daughter's hair. "You'll be home soon pet, I'll wake Merlin in a bit, I've got to be at work this afternoon. Great party Morgana thank you for inviting us, it finished Christmas off nicely"

"Look why don't you leave Merlin, he can give me a hand, I didn't get to talk to him much last night. Also it would be nice for you to have some tome together as a family. Merlin won't mind" Morgana played it cool "I'll drop him back later when I return the hire glasses"

Gwen and Lance looked at one another and silently agreed "OK as long as it's not too much trouble, I expect he'll sleep for a while and he's always grumpy if made to get up." Lance told her grinning "We'll be off shortly and have breakfast at home, Megan always eats better there."

"Mummy home" Megan piped up once more as if on cue. Megan had been refusing to eat the toast Gwen was trying to give her.

"That's great, it will give us time to talk as well, and Merlin is a good friend" Morgana smiled that had been easier than she had thought, thanks in some part to Megan. With that Lance went upstairs and collected all their things.

Morgana wondered if they were finding Merlin being there all the time a bit of a drag. She knew they were very good friends but she knew she wouldn't want someone living in her home all the time. OK for a couple of night or even weeks but months. Both Gwen and Lance had been good to Merlin and she didn't blame them if that was the truth. She also knew that now Merlin was getting better he would soon pick up on it.

Morgana soon had the family on their way. In fact they were just going when a very sleepy Leon came downstairs. "Off already?" he asked surprised.

"Yes and thank you for letting us stay. We won't to get Megan settled and fed" Gwen explained.

"I don't think she likes out toast" Morgana said smiling "Little ones like to be home"

Megan was a bit overawed by Leon and was hiding behind her daddy's leg. "Thank you Leon and Morgana we hope to see you soon, perhaps you could pop over for a drink over New Year?" Lance asked.

The couples made some arrangements then Gwen and Lance left, Megan waving at them as they drove off. Leon turned to his wife "What are you up to and why is Merlin still here?"

Morgana looked at her husband "He's still in bed I'll take him home later" she smirked "Or Arthur can"

Leon followed Morgana into the kitchen "Come on spill"

Morgana told Leon of the conversation she'd had with Arthur earlier adding "They need this chance Leon, all this pussyfooting about has gone on too long, either way it needs to be sorted, for both their sakes"

"For once I agree with you" Leon said "So when's Arthur arriving?"

"I'll text him now, he wants to take Merlin breakfast in bed! The old romantic"

Arthur arrived ten minutes later with a large bouquet of flowers and several bags "Are they for Merlin?" Morgana asked her brother

"No way, they're yours, I made that mistake before Merlin was livid he said he wasn't a girl. All I want is the few white tulips" Arthur kissed his sisters cheek and gave her the flowers.

"Thank you Arthur, out them in water for me "Come on Leon get your coat you're taking me shopping for a few hours. Oh and if it goes really well no shagging in the kitchen or on my white leather chairs." She smirked at her brother. "If you're cars here when we get back we'll make lots of noise as we come in" Morgana grabbed Leon's arm "Come on husband mine, let's leave Arthur to it, and good luck and don't mess up" With that the couple were gone.

Arthur went into the kitchen and found a vase for the flowers, then he started getting everything ready. He was nervous, but having talked it through with his sister felt as confident as he could. His first task was to start to make a breakfast. Once that was done he quietly went upstairs and into the bathroom next to Merlin's room. Once he was ready he finished of the breakfast and carrying it upstairs he put the tray on the small hall table and opening Merlin's door as quietly was he could he side his MP4 into the room and switched it on and 'I'll make love to you' started to play on a lope gradually getting louder. When Arthur heard Merlin stir he picked up the heated food tray and making sure the food was still good he opened the door and walked in. He had never felt so nervous in his life. The whole plan he had was based on this going down well. The song was one he had often sung to Merlin and the last time was on his birthday just before he was posted to Afghanistan.

He looked at the bed as he walked into the dim light of the room, the curtains were still pulled across to shut out the light. It was clear that Merlin had woken on the night as Merlin was sat up and his chest was bare. Arthur very briefly wondered if Merlin was nude. Walking closer and starting to sing he watched Merlin's face all the time. As he reached Merlin's side he stopped and placed the tray on the bedside table, he would have loved to have knelt at this point but that was now impossible for him so he looked down at Merlin.

"Good morning, I've brought you breakfast in bed, full English." As Merlin was still looking at him and hadn't made any effort to move Arthur sat on the edge of the double bed. Looking at his former husband Arthur uncovered the tray and place the tray over Merlin's knees. "I wanted to do something special for you, but we seemed to be getting nowhere, so here I am." Arthur smiled at Merlin's shocked face "Don't worry we are all alone in the house but if this isn't what you want, I'll respect that but at least I'll know" he leant forward and placed a gentle kiss on Merlin's forehead.

"Wha..t" Merlin wasn't sure what to do,

"Eat up Merlin there more to come." Arthur took the fork and started to feed Merlin "Do you remember the long weekend mornings we used to have? Just for us and no one else. I miss that so much only this time I cooked for you!"

Merlin seemed to come to himself as the food hit his taste buds "You remembered the song"

"How could I forget, there all on there" Arthur got a remote out of his pocket and the loop finished and the next song started. Stevie Wonders voice started to sing 'I just called to say I loved you' "Do you remember the fun we had going through all the love songs we could find to make our own list. I haven't been able to listen to them until now"

Merlin ate the food but as he reached the last piece he gave it to Arthur "You always pinched my last bit of bacon, even though you had your own" there were unsplit tears in both the men's eyes as they looked at each other.

Arthur moved the tray and gave Merlin the single tulip "I would have given you the shop if I thought you would have liked it, but white tulips signify the asking of forgiveness and for new beginnings. Can you ever forgive me?"

"It wasn't just you, we both played a part, I should have realised you weren't coping and fought you, but I just wanted you to be happy" Merlin looked at Arthur unsure what to say or do.

Arthur leant forward and took Merlin's face in his hands and leaned forward to give Merlin a tender and loving kiss. As their lips touched Merlin found himself responding so Arthur's hand went round the back of his neck and pulled him in closer. The kiss was full of longing and regret. Regret for time wasted apart. Arthur pulled away "I used to carry you to the bath after breakfast, do you remember? I can't do that now but I've run a hot bath and hopefully it's still warm enough" he held out his hand.

Merlin took the hand and get out of bed, he had a pair of boxers on. As he saw Arthur look Merlin smiled "I took my jeans off when I got up in the night, did you put me to bed?"

"I did, but I knew I would wake you if I tried to take them off and I didn't want to upset you" Arthur gave Merlin a fond smile.

"I put the boxers on, I didn't want to run out naked if there had been a fire!"

"I doubt Morgana would have minded" they walked hand in hand to the bathroom, Merlin smiled as he saw the bathroom. There were candles around the bath and bubbles with the remained of the tulip petals scattered around. "I wish I could lift you in like I used to"

Merlin kissed Arthur and put his arms round the blonde's neck. "It doesn't matter" he sniffed "You have on my favourite aftershave"

"And you smell of pine needles and honey, I never understood that, even before you had washed you always smelt the same. Now get in before the water gets cold."

Merlin quickly took off his boxers and plunged into the water.

As Merlin sank into the water Arthur sat on the side of the bath "Now I believe I played hunt the soap, Are you ready for that?" he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"You can wash my back first" Merlin grinned. After Merlin had had his back thoroughly washed he looked at Arthur shyly. "This is where you used to get in"

Arthur paused "Do you want me to? Are you ready for that?"

Merlin paused "Just to be together, to feel your skin next to mine his words had a question in them that Arthur was ready to answer, Things had gone far better than he had ever hoped.

"That would be wonderful, we take this as slow as we need to" Arthur meant every word. Just to be close to Merlin would be enough.

Arthur started to strip, as he took his shirt off he heard Merlin hiss "I forgot that scar, it was red and angry last time I saw it." Arthur had a scar that ran up his chest for the explosion. It had been a flesh wound but quite a large one.

As Arthur dropped his trousers Merlin watched with interest. He has seen Arthur's stumps but by the time Arthur had had his prosthesis things were already going downhill for them and he had never seen them on without trousers before. Arthur sat on the toilet lid and removed his false legs. "Shimmy up the tap end and I'll drop in behind you" Arthur told Merlin.

Then he levered himself over and into the bath. Merlin moved back until his back touched Arthur's chest. "You have stronger arms now" he commented

"Had to build them up at bit, not much more but I often have to lift my body about once my legs are off." Arthur admitted. "Now rest back and relax I want to hold you"

They led together as they used to as they got more comfortable together Arthur started to plant small kisses on the back of Merlin's neck. "I think you need to put some more hot water in if we're going to stay here" Arthur told Merlin.

It was nearly an hour later and several more tops up of water before they decided to get out. Merlin hoped out first and wrapped a towel round his waist." How do you want to do this?" he asked Arthur,

"Don't worry I have it pegged, although I nearly always have showers I do like the odd bath." With that Arthur got himself on the edge of the bath then across to the toilet once more "The hand makes it harder, less grip but I can do it" Arthur looked at Merlin "Look I would like to lie on the bed with you and cuddle, but it's ok if you don't. But if we are, I won't put the legs on yet. We needn't do anything else"

Once again Merlin blushed and Arthur put his hand up and touched Merlin's arm "I've even missed making you blush, you've always looked so adorable when you do that"

"How will you get to the bed? We don't have a wheelchair"

"Idiot I walk myself using my arms and sit on my bum, it's no problem I do that if I need a piss at night" Arthur laughed.

It wasn't long before the men found themselves cuddled up on the bed. The cuddles soon turned too kisses as they relearnt each other's bodies. Merlin kissing the length of Arthur scars and the ends of his stumps. Merlin looked at Arthur as they found themselves hard from the arousal. "I know this is daft but I want the rest to be at home and not here"

Arthur smiled sweetly "So do I" he paused scared to ask "Does that mean you will come back with me?" he stopped and looked into Merlin's eyes loosing himself in them "If you do you can't go again ever, I could stand that"

"I will, but you have to take Dragon as well" Merlin smiled

"Of course" Arthur looked at Merlin "You know the most I hoped for from today was that you would agree to talk to me again, this is more than I ever dreamed off"

"I've always loved you Arthur, I've never stopped, but I didn't want to be your pity project, take me back out of guilt, but you have proved to me we are meant to be together. I was just so scared, so many people were giving me different advice I just wasn't sure what to do. When I saw the Blacks last time they told me to follow my heart, so today I did" Merlin bit his lower lip something Arthur knew meant he was still worried.

"And…." He asked

"You do know I'm not 'cured' yet. I still get days I want to stay in bed, and times I want to hide behind the bottle" Merlin was trying to be honest.

"I saw that last night Merlin, I still have issues as well, I just manage to hide mine better, but we can heal together. You be there for me and I'll be there for you. But one thing we must do is promise to stay together. I can't do this again"

"Kay" Merlin looked at Arthur "We best get dressed and go home…..that word sounds good" then he paled "Oh…"

"What's up love?" Arthur was all concerned once more.

"I'll have to tell Gwen, Lance will be ok with it but Gwen is very protective I don't want to hurt her."

"We'll tell them together, but tomorrow. You can texted her and tell her you'll be back tomorrow, then we'll go together and collect dragon and your things. She'll be fine Merlin. But I want tonight together first. Then tomorrow we'll contact the Blacks and go and see them." Arthur smacked Merlin's bare arse "Come on up and at um"

The two men got dressed Merlin was quicker and went to tidy the bathroom and then stripped the sheets and put them in the laundry. Together they washed up the breakfast things. Arthur wrote a short note to his sister promising to ring the next day, while Merlin text Lance saying he would be back the next day, he knew she would think he was staying with Morgana but took the cowards way out.

Then they set off for the flat. As they arrived Merlin sat in the car looking at the home he had left behind, yes he had been back once but it seemed strange.

"Second thoughts?" Arthur asked.

"No, it's just funny that's all." Merlin got out of the car and waited for Arthur and they walked together to the door.

"I can't carry you over the threshold" Arthur teased

"Perhaps I should carry you?" Merlin joked

"Perhaps when you have your muscle mass back, but I don't think I'll risk it thanks" Arthur laughed.

The walked in together and as soon as they were in the door Merlin turned to Arthur and threw himself into the blondes arms and kissed him "I love you Mr Pendragon."


	26. Chapter 26

The two men took things slowly, neither wanting to rush, the first thing Arthur did was make a tea while Merlin walked round the flat looking for changes since he'd lived here. The bathroom had the most changes with new shower fitted out so Arthur could sit while he showered. Other than that there was very little that had changed, even the furniture looked the same. Merlin went into the room he had used as a study room and touched his mother's sideboard lovingly. It wasn't a posh one but held so many memories. "I think that should go into the living room" Arthur said from the door "So you can see it and use it"

"But it doesn't fit with your stuff, you always said that" Merlin protested

"I was wrong, this is our flat it should be filled with our stuff not mine, I've moved past having to have everything perfect" Arthur handed Merlin his tea "I think it was the army in me, but when I lost you I realised just how little of you was here and that made me sad, I should have thought of you more"

"But I didn't have much"

"No but the sideboard was important to you and we put it in here! That said something to me about how I treated you" Arthur sighed "I had three years to think Merlin"

Merlin put his tea down and taking Arthur's off him he leaned in and kissed the blonde. "If we're going to make this work we have to look forward not back, that's what my counsellor says. He told me you learn from the past not live in it"

"Sounds a good guy"

"He is, I hated it at first, thought it was a waste of time but he was right" Merlin left Arthur's side and drank his tea "drink up then we can finish the tour"

"Where haven't you been?" Arthur said as he finished his tea

"The kitchen and master bedroom. I don't need to see the other bedrooms do I" Merlin gave Arthur a nervous smile as his breath hitched at the thought.

"Merlin we don't have to do anything yet, I mean it"

"We'll see" then pulling himself together "Kitchen first, let's take the cups back" Merlin walked ahead and went into the kitchen "You've still got the same cooker!"

"Not much call to cook for one, lots of ready meals or eating at the café next door to work at lunchtime" Arthur admitted.

"We'll change that now, Lance says I must eat properly so we'll eat together!" Merlin looked in the cupboard "After we've gone shopping"

"Let's sit in the lounge for a bit" Arthur suggested. Merlin could see he had smoothing on his mind so agreed, it would be best to talk everything through before taking the next step. As they sat side by side Arthur put his arm round Merlin's shoulders, but made no other move nor did he speak. Then Arthur suddenly said "Merlin…..I know this will sound strange but I need to say it…"

Merlin looked at Arthur who suddenly looked nervous. "Anything we need to get this right for both of us" the younger man said "Are you having second thoughts?"

Arthur head snapped up "No! never….but…well I haven't not since before this." He waved at his legs, he sounded really uncertain of his self, so unlike the Arthur Merlin knew.

"You haven't what?" Merlin prompted not understanding.

"I haven't had sex" Arthur blurted out "I'm not sure how! Not without my lower legs" he was blushing

Merlin suddenly understood what Arthur was saying, the blonde had almost always topped before and the logistics would be different now. Merlin gave a nervous grin "I'm sure we can work it out if we can't it will be on the net somewhere"

Arthur laughed Merlin's comment has broken the tension "I guess you're right."

"Arthur I love you, if it meant we never had sex again I wouldn't care, I want to be with you" Merlin looked at Arthur "It's taken us this long to admit we need each other, you put so much effort into this morning how did it get to stop here?"

"I didn't think about that part before" Arthur admitted "I just wanted you with me again"

"Some Captain, you always planned everything to the minute detail, come on bedroom and we can have a cuddle if nothing else"

The two men finally made it to the bedroom where once again nothing had changed, Merlin saw a photo of him by the bed where it had always been. "You know the one that was this side of you" he asked Arthur "I carried it in my inner pocket, never looked at it, it made me cry but I knew it was there"

"You telling me I was so ugly I made you cry?" Arthur said with a grin.

"Prat!" Merlin retorted

"I've missed that" Arthur grabbed Merlin and pulled his shirt off over his head it wasn't long before they were almost naked. Arthur still had his prosthesis on. Trousers round his artificial ankles. Merlin looked at Arthur "Can I take them off" he asked timidly

"You can if you want to" with that Merlin knelt down before Arthur and after studying what needed to be done carefully removed the prosthesis one leg at a time, taking care as he did each stage. Once they were off Merlin jumped into bed next to Arthur and hugged him. Arthur started to plant little kisses all over Merlin's face and neck working downwards. He pulled the covers of Merlin to look at his body.

"Don't" Merlin said "I know I look horrid, I'm all bony still"

"You once told me you were slender not bony" Arthur told him "You do need to get more weight on but I love your body, you kissed my stumps earlier Merlin I think my body is in worse shape. We love each other warts and all. Now come here I want to fill that Merlin sized hole in my life"

It took the men over an hour of kissing and caressing before either of them was ready to take the next step. But Arthur solved their immediate problem by pulling Merlin on top of him and grinning "You can do all the work this time" he grinned "I'll just lie here and let you bounce up and down. I'll talk to my doctors at my next appointment there must be another way"

They spent the afternoon and night between sleeping and just enjoying being together they had all the time in the world. Merlin made them eggy toast with the contents of Arthur's fridge for supper and they just relaxed and made the most of being together. The next morning they showered together before getting dressed and heading to the supermarket where they stocked up on food and cat litter and a tray. Dragon would have to be kept indoors for a few days to make sure he didn't run away.

Then they made their way to Gwen and Lances. Merlin was a bag of nerves when they arrived he didn't want to face his friends. Arthur went in with him and once in Merlin spoke to the couple who had been so kind to him. He gripped Arthur's hand like it was a life line.

"Gwen, Lance I have something to tell you…..I spent yesterday and last night with Arthur" he blushed "We have sorted things out and I'm going to move back in with him at the flat"

Gwen looked surprised. Lance less so. Gwen spoke next "When? And are you sure"

"Now, it seems silly not to, yes I'm sure" Merlin looked up at Arthur "We have both agreed we never stopped loving each other"

"We should never have parted, Merlin has forgiven me, and we've wasted enough of our lives" Arthur told Gwen "We know it won't be all clean sailing, but we need each other. I'd like to thank you for all you have done for Merlin. I'm not sure what we would have done without you both and Megan of course"

Merlin looked at his friends "Please give us your blessing, it would mean so much to me" Merlin had begun to hunch over, he hated upsetting people.

"As long as you're sure that's great news, we're here if you need us, I hope I will still be your doctor Merlin" Lance asked "I'm pleased for you"

Merlin looked at Lance and smiled, so pleased to have his blessing at least.

Gwen seemed less enthusiastic "This isn't about the baby and moving out is it? Because we wouldn't have made you leave with nowhere to go"

"No it isn't Gwen! We love each other, alright we've both been idiots but we will make this work!" Merlin protested.

"Gwen we would like your support in this, I've wanted Merlin back from the beginning, you and Lance have helped him get to a place where he wants the same thing. You will always be very good friends, please support Merlin in this!" Arthur didn't want it all to slip away now he was so close.

Gwen made one last attempt to ensure her friend was making the right decision "It's not that I'm against it, it's just sudden, and wouldn't it be best for you to take more time? See each other a bit first"

"We dated before we got married Gwen. It won't change anything. Please…" Merlin wasn't sure what he was asking but he knew he didn't want it to end like this.

Gwen made a decision and hugged her friend "I'm please for you, but you must come and visit Megan she'll be lost without you"

"I will, and you visit us! Look I'll go and get my stuff and Dragon. Thank you so much both of you!" Merlin went up to his room.

Once Merlin left the room Arthur turned to Gwen "I know when we got married you thought it was hasty, and I know you're not happy now, but I promise to look after him, and he'll look after me, we've both been damaged by what happened but we belong together. It will make him happy if he knows you support him in this, it's a big step for both of us but it feels right"

Gwen looked at her husband then Arthur "You both have it, Medlin is like my brother and I swear if you hurt him again I'll kill you Arthur Pendragon!"

"Get in line Morgana will be there first! I swear she loves Merlin more than me!" Arthur told Gwen "And I'd rather go back to Afghanistan than have my sister after my blood. Thank you Gwen and you Lance, and to put your mind at rest I'm taking a couple of months off work, I'm owed it, so we can remake our lives together"

Merlin came downstairs with a couple of bags of clothes and a cat case with Dragon "If I've missed anything I'll collect it another day. Where is Megan?"

"She's gone to the shop with Lance's sister. You go and come back soon, she'll cry if she sees you and Dragon go" Gwen told him

"If she can have cat I'll take he to get one next time we come" Arthur offered "But I can't buy her a Merlin those are priceless"

Lance laughed "We'll think about the cat, but hopefully the new brother or sister will help her recover from losing Merlin"

Lance and Gwen hugged Merlin and Merlin promised to see Lance after the New Year for a health check "Make sure he eats well" Lance threatened Arthur

"Look in the car! We've just brought enough groceries to last a month" Arthur complained.


	27. Chapter 27

After Arthur and Merlin left Lance and Gwen sat down, they had both been surprised at the speed the two men had finally got back together. Lance looked at his wife "You have to allow Merlin to make up his own mind Gwen. It happened quickly in the end but we both knew they would get back together if your honest, they love each other and I'm sure that they will make a go of it"

Gwen hugged her husband "I'm scared for him that's all, he was so hurt. If they break up again it will kill him"

"I don't think they will, and if they do we'll be there for Merlin, personally I don't think they will, they've both grown up. Merlin had to make a new life for himself and I'd rather it was with Arthur than alone" the doctor was genuinely hopeful for the pair "And I'm still Merlin's doctor, I'll keep an eye on him"

Gwen looked up "A New Year and a new life for them, let's hope it's a good omen"

Merlin and Arthur went back to the flat and unpacked and let Dragon loose. The cat explored the flat before settling on the bed much to Arthur's disgust. "He can get off of there, he has his own bed"

"Then keep the door shut! He's slept with me since I found him as a kitten so I think you'll have trouble. Once we can let him out I suspect he'll be out most of the night. He's a country cat don't forget"

Arthur chased the cat of the bed and closed the door. "Dragon find your bed in the living room." He told the unimpressed feline.

Merlin unpacked the groceries and started to cook dinner. "It's a long time since I did any cooking" he told Arthur "I helped Gwen sometimes but not a whole meal" Merlin turned to Arthur "Should we tell the boys yet?"

"Do you want to?" Arthur looked at Merlin "I wanted some time alone first"

"If you tell them they'll keep away, if you don't Gwaine might kill you! I'm going to let George know later. Can we visit soon" Merlin looked at Arthur "It was George who told me to follow my heart"

"We'll go in the New Year, what about New Year's day? But I'm spending New Year's Eve here with you, just us" Arthur insisted. "We will celebrate alone, our new start" he walked up and put his arms round Merlin's waist "I just need some time with just you and me"

"And Dragon!" Merlin grinned

"Damn cat we should have left him at Gwen's Megan would have loved having him" Arthur jokingly replied.

"Love me, love my cat!"

"I will, he helped you so I will gladly have him here my love" Arthur kissed Merlin's neck.

"Keep that up and I'll burn the dinner, go and phone your sister and thank her for leaving us alone yesterday" Merlin grinned giving Arthur a small kiss.

Arthur removed his arms reluctantly "I best or she'll turn up on the doorstep, remind me to get my key back now you're here I don't want her waking in on us unexpectedly"

Morgana was thrilled that the plan had worked so well and promised to leave them alone for a few days. Arthur then rang up his work and asked for a couple of months off, explaining why. The charity gave him the time willingly even though it was their busiest time of the year. Arthur explained they needed some time together. Arthur had had only part of his annual leave for the past three years so he was due the time and more.

The next call was to Gwaine, who was overjoyed at the news, he reluctantly promised not to visit until after the New Year and said he would tell Percy. Gwaine ended by saying if Arthur cocked it up this time he would cut Arthurs balls off. The blonde laughed and said he would be in a long queue. It came as no surprise to him that his friends and family were so protective of Merlin but he did wonder if they would tell Merlin the same thing!

The meal together brought back so many memories for the two men, Arthur resisted opening any wine, and he would talk to Merlin about the drink situation once they had settled in a bit. He didn't want Merlin to think he didn't trust him, but at the same time he knew Lance was insisting Merlin didn't drink. Then the couple washed up before sitting down and watching television together, curled up on the sofa, Dragon soon joining them.

As Arthur got a small supper ready Merlin phoned George.

"Hi George, I thought I'd better let you know I've move back in with Arthur"

There was a pause at the other end "Good, as long as it's what you wanted boy. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world, you deserve it"

The response almost made tears come to Merlin's eyes he really valued the older man's opinion. "It is, we both want it, and look we thought we'd drive up and see you, Perhaps New Year's day?"

"Champion! The whole lot will be here. If you need to you can stay the night." George told Merlin.

"We can't do that we've got Dragon here, but it will be good to see everyone. See you then" Merlin hung up and as he did Arthur's arms surrounded him once more

"There your family now, we will visit them as often as you want to" Arthur nuzzled Merlin's neck.

"What about your Dad?"

"No, Merlin he will never accept us, and you're too important to me. I can't put up with him. When I said I was hoping to get back with you…..well he wasn't supportive. I've cut my ties, if he wants, and is willing to accept us, he can contact me otherwise I don't want to know" Arthur turned Merlin round and looked his lover in the eye "You're my family, and those that accept us together, we don't need the agro, Uther has never been supportive of anything I've done so please don't worry the complete break has been long overdue"

Merlin hugged Arthur he was secretly relieved but would have tried with Uther for Arthur's sake. The next few days were bliss for the men, they spent hours talking and rebuilding their relationship. On New Year's Eve they refused all offers of parties and told their friends not to visit. Arthur had spoken to Lance and Arthur was told that Merlin should avoid alcohol completely from now on to reduce the risks of further health problems. So Arthur got a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne to see the New Year in. He also got rid of all but one bottle of cognac, emptying the drinks cupboard and filling it with non-alcohol drinks. His good cognac he put away out of site. Gwaine and Percy benefited. it wasn't that he didn't trust Merlin, he just didn't want to put temptation in Merlin's way as there were bound to be times when Merlin hit a low.

Arthur also purchased some of Merlin's favourite food including Strawberries and Ice cream as well as some TV programmes, on disc, that he would have missed and they sat and watched them huddled under a throw together and stayed there until midnight when they went to bed.

New Year's morning saw them set of for the Black's, their minds pleasantly clear having not been drunk the night before for the first time since they were teenagers, or in Arthur's case not on duty or posting. Dragon had been left with enough food for the day and clean cat litter in his tray. They had a large bunch of flowers in the car for the grave. Calling into the cemetery first they spent some time there, Merlin was pleased to see it was well attended and already had some flowers on it. Then they drove on to the scrap yard.

The gate was closed by Merlin got out and opened it up and let Arthur drive in. Once they parked up they went up to the bungalow. George had seen them arrive and had the door open for them. He hugged Merlin and shook Arthur's hand before taking them in. The large sitting room was full, George's sons and nephews were there as well as their wives and families. The nephews had come over especially to see Merlin. They were pleased to see the change in Merlin, several of them still calling him Bill, not that he minded. George went up to Arthur and smiled "He has that happy look in his eyes, make sure you keep it there"

Arthur grinned back "I know or you'll kill me after chopping by balls off, trouble is there's a queue"

"Yes but I can get rid of the body!" George looked half serious "Plenty of hiding spaces around here, they'd never find the grave under a pill of scrap"

"And what happens if he breaks my heart?" Arthur grinned

"That I don't mind as long as he's happy" George looked at Arthur serious for a moment "Has he stopped drinking?"

"He has, had a couple of sessions but doing well, so no alcohol today please. He's put on a decent amount of weight as well, and no coughs yet this winter"

"Joking aside I wish you both luck, I think you'll be good for one another, now let's rescue him from the women shall we"

Arthur noticed that Merlin was surrounded by the wives and children. Arthur made his way through the crowd and put his arm around Merlin's waist, in a sign of protection. Once most of the visitors had left and there were just a few of the sons left with George. Jim asked Merlin "So you to getting married again? Because if you are we all want to come!"

Merlin blushed "I don't know we haven't discussed it we've only been together since the 27th" he glanced at Arthur nervously, he hadn't raised to issue not wanting to spoil what they had going.

Arthur looked at Merlin as if trying to read his mind. "I'd like to…in fact" he put his hand in his pocket "I was planning on asking Merlin on the way home but…" Arthur walked up to Merlin's side and took his hand "Merlin Emrys I know we've done it once before and I was stupid enough to chase you away, but would you please make me the happiest man alive and marry me, but forever this time?"

Merlin looked at Arthur in shock, Arthur had always been rather reluctant on taking emotional risks yet he had just proposed in front of other people. There could only be one answer "Yes, yes I will" he threw his arms round Arthur's neck.

Arthur kissed and hugged Merlin before pushing him gently away and taking his hand once more slipped a ring on his finger. "I only wish I could have got down on one knee for you my love"

George looked at the ring "Is that the same ring?"

"No it's not this one has a different inscription, I've grown up" Arthur smirked

"Well I'm not taking it off, what does it say" Merlin asked

"Arthur Pendragon's heart and soul belongs to this man… forever" Arthur's eyes were suspiciously wet. "I won't ever let you go again Merlin"

Merlin pulled at the chain around his neck and removed the ring and held Arthur right hand "Until I get you one for your middle finger of your left hand, please wear this on your right, if it will fit." Merlin's old wedding ring slipped onto Arthur little finger. Arthur touched it gently.

"I lost my ring along with my ring finger in Afghanistan and was stupid enough to see that as a sign. We had a small wedding last time but know you have more family, Morgana will love having another bigger one to organise"

George smiled "Before anyone else says anything I fully intend to be at your side, as your stand in father when it happens and don't you forget it!" George turned to Arthur "I've changed my mind about you over the past months, when I first met you I thought you were an overbearing prat who wanted Merlin back because you didn't like losing your toys. But I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong, just be happy the two of you, and Merlin I never want to see Bill back, I like Merlin better"


	28. Chapter 28

On the drive back to the flat the men were happy, Arthur was pleased he had proposed with Merlin's adopted family present it had made for a great atmosphere, but most of all he was delighted that Merlin had accepted. He hadn't been sure, but they were going to be living together and he knew in the past Merlin had been old fashioned about such things and he hadn't wanted Merlin to feel he was doing something wrong or against his principles.

As soon as they got back home Merlin made a fuss of Dragon while Arthur rang his sister and all their friends to ask then to visit that evening as they wanted to tell them something. By nine o'clock everyone had arrived, even Gwen and Lance, there neighbour was looking after Megan for an hour. Will was also there, which pleased Merlin, despite the issues he was still having with his old friend he wanted him to know what was happening. Merlin and Arthur made sure they keep their rings hidden before the announcement. That hadn't been hard as no one seemed to be expecting it.

Arthur called for quiet as he held Merlin's left hand, effectively hiding both rings. "Thank you all for coming at short notice. As you know Merlin agreed to move back here the day after Boxing Day and it has been great, we have been able to talk through lots of issues. We both wanted to thank you all for the support you have shown us both, especially Gwen and Lance who have had Merlin living with them for the past months. We went to see George Black and his family today and while we were there I proposed to Merlin and he said YES! We are getting married again." With that Arthur held up their hands so everyone could see the rings.

There was a hush then several squeals as what Arthur had said sunk in "We will be getting married as soon as Morgana can arrange it, as I know she won't let us arrange our own"

"You bet I won't brother!" Morgana said with a grin

Merlin looked at his sister in law "It will be a bit bigger this time as I have gained more family"

"And we won't wait long either!" Arthur said "Thank you for all your support and we hope you will continue to support us as we get our lives back on course, We don't kid ourselves that it will be all easy, but we know it will be worth it."

"And no Gwaine you cannot organise the stag nights because we aren't having any" Merlin looked at the soldier "We talked about it on the way home and as I can't drink we are going to have a joint meal and visit to a show to thank you all instead"

"Can't argue with that" Gwaine said with a smile "But we might have one without either of you there! Can't miss the chance for a party"

Everyone congratulated the pair even Gwen who looked shocked, Will was really pleased and promised to be a regular visitor to the flat. Morgana was getting ideas for the wedding before the evening drew to a close. Once everyone had gone home Merlin and Arthur went to bed, the events of the day tiring them both out.

True to form Morgana put an announcement in the Times and three days later a recorded delivery letter arrived Merlin signed for it and took it in to Arthur "It's from a solicitors"

Arthur took it and opened and read it through before putting it down and smiling.

"Was that from your father?" Merlin asked looking guilty.

"No Merlin his solicitors it seem I don't have one anymore, He has written me out od is will and disowned me he doesn't want any contact with me again, now come here and take that look of off your face, I have you I don't need anyone else. As for family I have you, Morgana and the Blacks now. I actually feel good now it's finally happened, like a weight has lifted from my shoulders. I no longer have to try to please him" Arthur kissed Merlin "Don't feel guilty about it, that man has made me feel bad about myself, made me feel a failure for too long, it's a relief…..promise"

Merlin sank into Arthur's arms "I'll make it up to you"

"Stop it Merlin, anyway the fool didn't think it through, I have enough money to last us, and Morgana's future children would have had it all in the end anyway! So you see nothing has altered accept that I no longer have to carry someone else's expectations" He kissed Merlin again "Feel sorry for Morgana, she has to cope with him alone now, poor thing."

It was an hour later when the phone rang the flat, Merlin answered, it was Morgana, and Merlin handed over the phone and cuddled into Arthur on the sofa.

"Arthur I have just put the phone down from Uther!" she screamed down the phone loud enough for Merlin to hear clearly "The pompous arse"

Arthur chuckled "Morgana please I don't care he's your problem now. It's like I told Merlin it's a relief, I have enough money and it would all have gone to your kids eventually. Just remember now he's all yours, I don't have to bother with him at all" Arthur sounded so relaxed about it all.

"But it's not right" Morgana persisted

"Morgana I don't care! Please get that through your skull. Now if that's all you've rung up about I have a fiancé to snog till he's breathless" Arthur put the phone down and did just as he promised.

Arthur found the whole thing of being disowned liberating, he no longer felt he had to agree with his father views in public, and made it very clear he didn't, he also became more prominent in Gay rights, not in protesting but in supporting those who turned to him, amongst others serving service men and women. When it became known in his father's circles that Arthur had been disowned and why it was Arthur that gained more sympathy, not that he wanted it. Merlin gradually understood that Arthur really didn't care and stopped feeling guilty.


	29. Chapter 29

The weeks up to the wedding were good, accept that is for the constant meetings with Morgana about venues, clothes and food. In the end the two men just gave her free reign, knowing that she had too much taste to do anything to crazy. She was even giving them the honeymoon as a wedding present. Arthur couldn't believe just how happy he was, somehow this time round with Merlin was even better, perhaps because he knew just how empty his life was without Merlin in it. Merlin was also more content than he had ever been, Arthur had learnt not to be quite so in charge all the time and was more relaxed. Merlin put it down to no longer being in the army. Merlin still got down moments but they were getting less and less. He was seeing his counsellor once a month instead of weekly and Lance was happy with his progress. That didn't mean that Arthur was any less protective, in fact he was more so but he was trying to hide it better. That was until Merlin's 'blip'

Merlin had gone out shopping alone to get a present for Megan's upcoming birthday. Arthur was back at work part time, mornings only, Gwen had suggested a particular toy so Merlin had headed into the city to find it for her. Whist he was there he decided to go into Arthur's favourite tailors and get Arthur a couple of new shirts. He walked and waited to be served. As he was stood there the shop bell rang and another customer walked in. Merlin didn't even look round. As the previous custom left Merlin walked forward to be served. But the person behind pushed in.

"Gregory I have come in to collect my suit" the voice was one that Merlin hoped never to hear again, it was Uther Pendragon.

But Merlin wasn't going to be treated in such a manner. "Excuse me but I was next to be served"

Uther turned and looked at Merlin as if he were something unpleasant he had stepped on. "Should you be in a shop like this, surely a high street retailer is more your line" the Uther turned to the assistant. "Gregory my suit, this…..person can wait."

Merlin was incensed "I have come in for two shirts, white with a pale grey vertical strip" he gave Arthur size and placed his debit card on the counter.

Gregory looked form one to the other clearly not sure what to do. As he went toward Merlin, Uther spoke out once "I'm sure my custom is worth more than that of this person and his sugar daddy"

Merlin turned to Uther, his face bright red from embarrassment "You are an ill-mannered man and I can only bless the day you disowned your only son for loving someone."

"You are a drunk and a drain on society, I believe the common term for you is an oxygen thief, and you are after all common that showed when you were found living as a drunken tramp you truly are the scum of the earth" with that he turned to Gregory "My suit, should I have to ask again I'm sure my custom will be valued elsewhere"

Merlin turned and walked out the shop, wondering if that was how people really saw him. He pushed through the crowds shaking his mind blank.

Arthur got back from work to find the flat still empty, as expected he knew Merlin was going shopping. It was another sign of how well he had progressed, that he had started to engage in normal activities. The phone rang as Arthur was making himself a coffee, he turned to answer it "Arthur Pendragon"

"Captain Pendragon this id Gregory from Buckley's Gentleman's Outfitters, Merlin Emrys- Pendragon came in earlier and left his debit card behind"

Arthur rolled his eyes "Sorry about that, I'll call it for it tomorrow could you keep it safe please and thank you for letting us know"

"Sir before you put the phone down I think I should apologise for an incident whilst he was here" Gregory didn't sound like his normal confident self and that immediately put Arthur on edge.

"What happened?" Arthur demanded

"Unfortunately your father came in immediately after Mr Ermys-Pendragon and there was a bit of an incident, I stress it was not your fiancés fault and I would have served him first had he remained in the shop" Gregory went on to explained exactly what happened.

Arthur thanked him and put down the phone, then he started to worry. He would sort Uther out later but Merlin was his priority. He tried to phone Merlin and getting voice mail left a message. Then he sent a text, he was pondering what to do next, he was sure Merlin would have been very upset by the encounter, also he wouldn't have been able to finish his shopping as Arthur was sure he wouldn't have had enough cash. Hopefully that meant Merlin would be walking through the door very shortly. Deciding to wait so not to cross paths if he went looking Arthur sat down but kept ringing Merlin's number.

It was an hour later when Merlin finally answered his phone, but he was clearly drunk "Lo"

"Merlin love where are you?" Arthur was trying to keep his cool.

"Dunno…sorry Afer" came the drunken reply "es right m no good"

"Merlin love I heard what happened, he was wrong now where are you and I'll come and collect you" Arthur was feeling frantic by now.

There was a long gap "Park…..dunno were…sorry shouldn't ave"

"Merlin did you walk far from the shop?"

"Yeh….didn no what to do, he was horrid…..but right" the voice was very slurred

"Merlin look around what can you see? Tell me and I'll find you"

"Grass …w…ater…can see ducks"

"What else my love what buildings?"

"Yeh buildings lots….tired….sleep…."

"Merlin! Talk to me" Arthur tried again and again but could hear no more accept cars in the distance. Keeping the line open he picking up the house phone and rang his sister and explained then between them they rang as many of their friends as they could and started to arrange a search. First places were Hyde Park and Regents Park as the most likely. Arthur was going to Regents Park but keeping his phone on in case Merlin spoke to him again. Morgana was going collect him so everyone else could use her phone number if they found Merlin first.

Arthur was frantic with worry, Merlin could vomit and inhale it, he could fall in the lake, he could get beaten up, and his concern list was growing by the minute. Gwaine and Percy had been about to go off duty and talked several of their mates into joining the search they would do Hyde Park. Arthur kept talking down the phone but hearing nothing. As they reached the Park they got out the car and headed to the lake. Morgana was already threatening an absent Uther with everything she could think of.


	30. Chapter 30

It was Percy who found Merlin near the lake at Hyde Park, he was sitting on a bench with an empty bottle of whiskey, his phone down by his feet where he had dropped it. Percy called Arthur and Morgana drove her brother there straight away, while Arthur called the others and told them the good news and asking them to go home and he would contact them later. He didn't want Merlin crowded out. By the time they had arrived Merlin was hugging Percy and they could hear him keep saying how sorry he was. Seeing Arthur coming Percy spoke to Merlin "Here's Arthur come to take you home. Look man, this wasn't your fault ok" As Arthur sat down beside Merlin Percy moved away to wait to see if he would be needed. Gwaine had arrived from the other side of the lake and was threatening to go and visit Uther. Percy looked at his mate

"Leave it for now, wait and see what Arthur wants to do. I'm staying in case Merl needs help walking to the car."

Merlin looked at Arthur his eyes not focusing and clearly well plastered "Afer sooo sorry" he said weakly

"It's not your fault Merlin, I heard what happened, come on let's get you home" Arthur said gently, he was just so relieved to find Merlin safe, he would deal with the rest later.

Merlin shook his head "No. m no good leave me" the drunk young man muttered, "ees right"

"No Merlin he isn't right, he had no right to say those things to you. Come on love let's get you home….please" Arthur tried to get Merlin to stand but Merlin was too far gone, Arthur couldn't keep his balance on his prosthesis and take Merlin's weight.

Percy stepped forward with Gwaine. Gwaine looked fondly at his friend "Come on let's get you up and home" with one man on each side of Merlin they started to walk towards the cars.

They helped get Merlin into the back of Morganas car and made sure he was strapped in by Arthur. Percy said "We'll follow you and help get him inside then leave you to it."

Once they got back to the flat, the two men did as promised and got Merlin indoors and lay him on the bed, leaving Arthur too strip him off. Arthur then came out to the living room and thanked his friends and sister "Thanks a lot I can look after him now"

Gwaine looked at Arthur "You want us to go and see the wanker?" Arthur knew Gwaine meant Uther.

"Leave it Gwaine, I need to think this through" Arthur told his two fiends "I need to be with Merlin first, I'll phone you in the morning"

"Ok but I won't let the bastard get away with this" Gwaine snarled then him and Percy went off together.

Morgana looked at her brother "Gwaine's right you know"

"Look Morgana I need to keep Merlin let Merlin sleep it off and make sure he's ok, that's my priority at the moment the rest will follow. Now thank you but go home to Leon, I promise I'll call if I need you" Arthur said his head pounding from the tension and worry of the past few hours.

Morgana looked at her brother "Ok, I'll keep my phone by the bed if you need me ring, otherwise I be round in the morning, look after him" She left her brother to it but she unlike Gwaine had no intention of waiting on her brother.

As soon as Morgana got back home she got out her phone book and started to make some calls then she got out her diaries she knew there was something in one of them that was just what she needed. That evening she spoke to a Nurse from Headley Court, and a friend who worked as a reporter for a national newspaper.

By eight o'clock the next morning Morgana had had several phone calls and by nine was on her way out, she had lots to do before she went to see her brother. Her first stop was the shop Merlin had visited the day before where she had a word with Gregory then she drove to Westminster and made her way to see the Chief Whip who Morgana had known for years in fact he was her godfather.

Mr Forbridge's secretary was surprised to see her but as the Whip was free he agreed to see her "Hello Morgana this is a surprise what do I owe this visit to?" he asked with smile on his face.

"Sorry to bother you Uncle" Morgana disliked the man but as her godfather she had always called him Uncle "I need to have a word with you before I do something, I think it only fair" she smiled sweetly even though she knew what she was about to do would make the man in front of her life at lot harder for the next few days, and he may well never speak to her again.

"That sound's ominous" Mr Forbridge said "You had better sit down"

Morgana sat down "I assume you know that my father had disowned Arthur and written him out of his will" she knew Uther and the Whip were good friends.

"Your father did mention he was thinking of doing something along those lines but I didn't realise he had"

"Well he has and in case you didn't know why it was because Arthur had become reconciled to his husband"

"Morgana I hardly think this is my business" the Whip muttered.

"It will be soon" Morgana was determined to continue "Because I intend to go to the press" she put up her hand to stop the other man speaking "Let me finish. I intend to disgrace Uther Pendragon so that makes it your business. For years my father has tried to control my brother, first his occupation then when he came out as gay. But his conduct since my brother came home from Afghanistan. As a decorated hero I might add, has been disgraceful. He did his best to part my brother and his husband, as I'm sure you know Uther is a homophobe, oh don't worry I won't expect you to admit it" Morgana smirked "Not good for the public to know"

"Morgana I hardly think…"

"No probably not" Morgana said "but I haven't finished. Uther as I said tried to break my brother's marriage up and in fact succeeded. "I have a letter from a nurse who heard a conversation between my father and Arthur when Arthur was in hospital, vulnerable from his injuries and the aftermath, where he told Arthur that it was a good job he had a queer as a husband as at least he would be about to lift Arthur and save him hiring a nurse and several other comments designed deliberately to make my brother feel guilty about what he would be putting the man he loved through. There was more along that line, unfortunately I didn't know the full story until yesterday. Two nurses are willing to give statements to my solicitor they also documented it at the time in my brothers notes" Morgana looked at the man in front of her "Recently when out shopping Merlin told me that Uther had contacted him when Arthur was in hospital, and just before my brother in law disappeared to tell him quote Arthur no longer loved him but felt to guilty to tell him, and that Arthur had said Merlin was dragging him down and making him depressed. Not so bad you might think although hardly the actions of a loving father. Merlin admitted to me that that had played a part in him disappearing. Then I found out last night after making a few phone calls that after Merlin disappeared, and following the National Press advertising that Arthur put out, that Uther had contacted the papers and arranged for the information to be forwarded to him instead of Arthur 'to let his son recover' Information that was never passed on to Arthur. It gets worse" Morgana watched the man in front of her squirm.

"My brother in law went shopping yesterday and was subjected to verbal abuse in front of a shop assistant by Uther, this resulted in a relapse of Merlin medical condition. I have a statement being taken by my solicitor at this very minute by the witness, who was appalled at such behaviour by a Member of Her Majesties Government. So you see along with the fact that my father has acted legally to disown his son, who is a decorated war hero he is so blatantly a homophobe it make a good story, add to that that I am legally writing to Uther Pendragon today saying that I have no wish to ever hear from him again and he can shove his inheritance where the sun doesn't shine might make you want to reconsider his position in your political party." Morgana stood up "I'm sure the readers will be interested to read just how two faced your MP is, especially as he works in the department that deals with equal rights. You won't stop me, but the Prime Minister might want to do some damage limitation. Goodbye" Morgana walked out her head held high.

She got to her brothers half an hour later and as Merlin was asleep she told Arthur what she had done "I am quite happy to get the full story published if you're happy for me to do so it would serve Uther right, but if you don't want me to I won't but either way I should think I've put paid to Uther Pendragon's career. Either way I intend to oust him as a homophobe who works in a sensitive position."

Arthur was stunned by his sisters actions "You can't throw away your inheritance on our behalf"

"It's not on your behalf He's gone too far and I don't want anything more to do with him, Leon and I have talked about it and we both agree" Morgana protested. "Look he needs to be shown up for what he is, I can get a smear article published or our side as we want it. Crystibel has agreed to publish what we want word for word. OK the other papers will pick it up and it will mean publicity for you both, but you can turn it to good use for the Missing Persons charity. What do you think, put a stop to Uther Pendragon's two faced bullying ways forever, and show him up for what he is. He's made a mess of our lives for years, yours and Merlin's in particular. Please Arthur do it!"


	31. Chapter 31

"I will need to speak to Merlin, after all he has an important say in this, but I don't think he will agree" Arthur confessed "He's a private sort of guy"

"OK I accept that, now I'm going to make us all a brunch I'm starving. Why don't you wake Merlin up" Morgana was determined not to leave until she had spoken to Merlin.

"I'll check, but I'm not waking him up" Arthur told her. As he walked into the bedroom it was to find Merlin sat on the side of the bed his head in his hands. Arthur walked round the bed and sat beside Merlin. "How are you love, got a headache?"

"Ummph drunk the water and took tablets" Merlin looked up at Arthur his eyes red, he looked awful "Sorry"

"It wasn't your fault Merlin" Arthur drew Merlin into a hug "I know what happened so don't worry, now you stink I'm afraid so shower, Morgana's is here and is cooking us breakfast so unless you want her to wash your back I suggest you get a move on, I'll give you a hand" Arthur smiled at Merlin "Look stop worrying we're going to have a few fall backs both of us, but were together now, and together we can get through anything."

Merlin looked at Arthur and gave a weak half-hearted grin "You mean that?"

"Yes I do, now come on you heard me the harpy's here!"

Merlin groaned "She must hate me"

A voice shouted down the corridor "I can hear you to talking now come on it's not often I cook breakfast at this time of the day. Merlin dear get that boyfriend of yours off his arse and moving"

"See she love you not me!" Arthur said "Get in the shower and I'll find you some clothes out"

Merlin felt rough and ashamed of himself, he knew that Arthur said it wasn't his fault and he loved him, but Merlin had been weak he had allowed the first real problem to derail him. He scrubbed himself in the shower and then afterwards found his hand shaking too much to shave, so he decided to stick with the stubble. He didn't want breakfast but he knew Morgana would make him eat. He was brushing his teeth as Arthur walked in and kissed him on the back of the neck.

Arthur took a deep breath "That's better, here's your clothes. He looked at the razor discarded on the sink "Not shaving?"

Merlin held out his hand and showed Arthur the shakes "Later perhaps"

"OK, don't want you to cut yourself" Arthur said with a grin "Breakfast is nearly ready I hope your hungry Morgana is cooking masses"

Merlin got dressed and followed Arthur to the kitchen. Morgana gave Merlin a hug and a kiss "Good to see you up, come on get eating"

Merlin looked at the food and he really didn't want to eat but made the effort. Morgana had cooked a full English breakfast "I grilled most of it so it shouldn't be too fatty for you" Morgana smirked. "And I scrabbled the eggs so no excuses it will make you feel better"

Merlin under Morgana's watchful eye ate more than he would normally have done, but also drank the water Arthur put in front of him. Once they had finished Morgana dragged Merlin to the sink "You wash I'll wipe, Arthur you go and get a paper, oh and some milk you're nearly out"

Arthur went out muttering under his breath about bossy sisters. The corner shop was only just round the corner so he knew it wouldn't take him long. When he got back it was to find Merlin and Morgana sitting with a cup of tea. "There's one in the pot if you want one" Morgana told Arthur.

They sat and chatted for a while before Morgana struck "Merlin about yesterday. It wasn't your fault we all know that, Uther is a bully and a homophobe and I want to stop him once and for all. I can but I need your help." She squeezed Merlin's hand "I've already spoken to Arthur but it's up to you."

Merlin looked at Morgana doubtfully "I can't stand up to him he scares me"

"You don't have to, look we all know what he's been up to all the time, he's tried to make Arthur's and my life a misery for ever, he won't accept he can't control us or you" she paused "I'm sure he's as bad to others, and like a lot of bully's he thinks he can't be touched, well he can!"

"Morgana! I told you it has to be Merlin's choice don't try to force him" Arthur looked at Merlin "Morgana has a cart load of evidence to show what he has been up to since I got back from Afghanistan, stuff that would make our fathers place in Government untenable. She wants to go to the papers with it"

"To show everyone what a two faced bastard he is" Morgana protested. "It would finish him and his tricks"

"Merlin it would put us in the spot light, you don't have to say yes, Morgana has already shown it all to the chef whip, and he will already be ridiculed"

Morgana looked at her brother "You think so, no it will cause a bit of a fuss but get pushed under the carpet, not to embarrass the Government. I doubt more than a couple of people will know about it, in fact I suspect they won't care" Morgana looked at Merlin "On top of that I know a reporter from a good newspaper they will angle it at Uther not you two. It will help in so many ways, she will also arrange publicity for Arthur Lost Person Charity and the effects of injury on families."

Merlin looked from one to the other "You mean our story will be in the papers, all about me becoming a …..drunk tramp!" he looked at Morgana in horror.

"You suffering depression Merlin! There's no shame in that after what you went through. Look at this" Morgana handed Merlin a sheet with the facts on. "He hid away information on sightings of you in the first few weeks, he played on both your minds when you were vulnerable and so much more. And I bet you aren't the only ones, I suspect when this comes out some of the people who work with him will come out as well!"

Morgana put her arm around Merlin "He has made you two waste years when you could have been together, he is a bully, you once told me you were bullied at school and Will helped you stand up to them, that's all I want to do now. Otherwise he will keep on getting digs in, he won't stop" she paused and changed her tone "If you don't want to Merlin we won't and we will protect you as much as we can, just think about it"

Arthur could see Merlin was upset and pulled him into a hug "Morgana that's enough, just stop now and leave Merlin and me to think. It's easy for you, it's our lives that will be exposed. Whatever decision Merlin comes up with you stick to, promise me that, and if he doesn't want to you don't push"

Morgana nodded "That's fair, I won't say another word, just let me know Arthur" Morgana then changed to subject completely until she left the men and went home.

After Morgana had left Arthur turned to Merlin "Don't let her pressurise you in anyway, and whatever you decide is fine with me. But you have your monthly appointment with your counsellor tomorrow talk to him about it, and Lance if you want to. The answer has to be right for you not Morgana!"

"I can see what shes saying Arthur, but…..it's not just me it's everyone we know even the Blacks will get asked"

Arthur laughed "I wouldn't worry about the Blacks Merlin they are more than capable of sorting out a few reporters, in fact we could hide up in the scrap yard, knowing full well no one would get near!" Arthur squeezed Merlin "In fact why don't you talk to George he's helped you before"

"I will, it would be good to stop him, he's hurt you so much in the past" Merlin looked up at Arthur

Arthur gave a wry smile "Don't worry about me love, He's been around all my life, it's you I'm worried about. Some of this stuff like the replies to ads I put out I will make sure I get him for, what he did was illegal but it's not like big news stuff, what Morgana has planned will be in every paper going. It will be weeks of it I suspect, don't forget he works in the department that covers things like Gay rights, it will make a real splash. So think hard."


	32. Chapter 32

The homophobic language in this chapter is used only for the story and is in no way a reflection on the author's views. I have no intention to cause offence.

…..

Merlin did think hard, and it didn't take long to make up his mind not to agree to it, it sounded almost vindictive and he didn't think he could cope with the press. He had told Arthur but said he would phone Morgana the next morning so it looked like he had at least given it some thought, after all Morgana was trying to help. It was just as well because within hours it was Uther himself that made Merlin's mind up to go ahead after all.

It was later that evening and they had finished supper, that everything changed. Arthur had given Merlin a new phone, which he had brought him the day before. Merlin had decided to take a new picture of Arthur to put on it, but was having trouble getting a good one. The doorbell had rung and Merlin thought it might be a good idea to try to get one as Arthur turned back round, every other one he had taken that evening Arthur had ruined by Arthur pulling a funny face. As Arthur opened the door he found his father outside. From where he was Merlin couldn't see who it was, but started to take pictures. As he did Arthur came flying back as Uther threw an ineffectual punch at his son. "You put your sister up to that didn't you?" Uther shouted "I spent two hours this evening with the chief whip and the PM because of you, well let me tell you something it hasn't worked. What's more I know you're bluffing about the press, the drunk couldn't cope with the press on your door, not without drinking himself to death" Uther had clearly been drinking himself. "And as for you, you pansy, getting a woman to do your dirty work, to limp wristed to do it yourself"

Without even thinking Merlin ran forward dropping his phone, to check that Arthur was alright, the blonde hadn't been hit, but had stumbled backwards in surprise and caught the sofa to stop himself falling as he lost his balance. His prosthesis made him more unstable, particularly going backwards quickly.

Merlin looked up at Uther in a rage "You bully get out, how dare you hit Arthur, I will got to the press and don't think I won't, no one and but no one hurts Arthur" he walked towards the much larger man, clearly very angry "I might be a drunk but I'm not a two faced piece of garbage like you" with that the slammed the door in Uther's face and locked it before turning back to Arthur, who to Merlin's amazement was laughing.

"What you laughing for?" he demanded

"Oh Merlin only you, only you" Arthur laughed some more "You won't stick up for yourself but are like a mother protecting its baby when Uther tried to hit me! He missed, and wouldn't have managed another one he was drunk!" Arthur smiled "I wish you would stick up for yourself like that!"

"He had no right coming here like that!" Merlin was still angry "I'm ringing up Morgana. He won't get away with it not now!" Merlin was on a roll and nothing would stop him. He picked up his phone before Arthur could stop him.

"Morgana get your friend here I'll do it" he cut Morgana off as he turned once more to Arthur. "Morgana's right, I was going to say no, but he can't get away with it and I can't be a coward"

Morgana rang back to make sure Merlin was sure. She hadn't held out much hope. As Arthur told her what happened Merlin could hear her laugh down the phone and shout "Good on you Merlin"

Once he had calmed down Merlin rang Lance and George Black to say what he was going to do and had got their full support. Lance just asking Merlin to make sure he really wanted to go ahead, and George telling Merlin that if the press got too bad to come and stay with him and bring Arthur. As Arthur had predicted George said if they did the press wouldn't get near them there, nor would they get anything from any of them, nor the shop keeper who had sold Merlin his whiskey, it was one of George's son's, mother in law. Despite Merlin being there for three years no one else had ever had much to do with Merlin.

First thing the next morning Morgana arrived with her friend Crystabe, who worked for one of the more respectable papers. After spending some time talking to Merlin and Arthur, as well as looking at Morgana's evidence she agreed as long as they could verify the facts the paper would be only too willing to run the story. Merlin also gave her the photo he had taken the night before, it showed an angry Uther with his fist up and Arthur begin to stumble back. It didn't take long for the reporter to check the facts and she rang later to stay the paper would run the story the next day. Arthur popped out that evening and bought in supplies so they wouldn't need to go out for a while, should reporters try to bother them and they waited for the story to break.

It turned out more of a story than the two men had anticipated, by the time the papers hit the newsstands everyone one wanted part of the story. Gwaine came round later with a copy of the newspaper and some more milk and bread. Within hours there was knocks on the door that the two men just ignored. They had the curtains pulled and were keeping themselves unavailable. Even Dragon hardly went out of the door. As they watched the television and listened to the radio they realised it had become big news, several politicians asked for their views and as always they were hedging their bets and being non-committal at this stage. The paper had printed Morgana's visit to the chef whip so the party hierarchy couldn't deny knowing anything. The Prime Minister refused to be drawn on whether Uther Pendragon would be suspended from the party saying they needed all the facts.

Merlin's photo was on all the front pages of the newspapers by the next day. Arthur was getting phone calls from their friends most of whom had been asked for information. They hadn't tried too hard with Lance and Gwen after Lance told them he was Merlin's GP and thus couldn't comment. As to the scrap yard. it hadn't taken long before the reporters turned up there. But George had closed the yard and had all his boys around so no one got in or got comments they could print. As a precaution Merlin's old container had been cleaned completely and set up as an office leaving no trace as to its former state.

Arthur and Merlin stayed indoors and ignored the press who had at one stage camped outside their door. Gwaine and Percy making sure they had all they needed. For the most part the story had run its course in less than a week as more important topics hit the news. But it slowly rumbled on and eventually led to so much bad publicity that Uther jumped before he was pushed and resigned prompting a by election. Morgana had also did as she was threatened and legally severed her ties with her father.

As the main focus of the reporters, Uther he was the one that came out worse off, there had been too much about MP scandals in the press over the past few years and the public were sick of it.

Merlin did have to cope with his back story coming out, even pictures of him were published when he was at his worse. No one ever found out where they came from. But on the whole he was treated sympathetically, Arthur of course was the golden boy, being a wounded hero who had been decorated. As promised the charities both received publicity, MIND and the missing person Charity that Arthur worked for, and also a donation from the paper.

When the couple got married a month later the photos were in the papers, which showed a much improved Merlin. The wedding was a good time for the couple, they had reach a place where they both wanted to be and went off on honeymoon and had a good break form all the fuss that had gone before. Morgana had paid for them to go to Norway on a cruise and they also got to see the northern lights. Although if they were honest they spent more time in their cabin than anywhere else.

In a strange way the whole publicity thing had helped Merlin come to terms with what happened to him and he was able to get good from it, mainly because he felt he had helped others. Two of Uther's previous secretary's had come forward with cases for bullying and intimidation in light of the newspaper reports.

The couple still had problems but the worse was over, they had no secrets from each other and their love saw them through, as well as their very close set of friends. After a couple of years Uther tried to mend his relationship with his children but they weren't interested and he was left to contemplate his actions and live with what he had created from his life. He never got to know his grandchildren as Morgana refused to change her mind, feeling they were better off without out him, having Leon's parents to provide that relationship.

So in the end he reaped what he sowed and suffered for his actions by not having his family around him as he grew older.

…

MIND is The major Mental Health Charity in the UK their link is .


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